AIBU to worry that I'm racist.

[manicinsomniac]

I have never before considered myself to be racist in any way, shape or form. I don't judge people on colour, I don't assume things about them and I have many friends of various and mixed ethnicities. My children are mixed race.

But last night/this morning I was out in London and we were looking for a bar/club that was open after 2am. We thought we knew one in Dalston but when we got there it was closed and there was a black bouncer on the door of a small looking bar next door who told us it now always closes at midnight. So we asked him if we could go into his bar instead. He looked at us strangely but nodded and we went in. The bar turned out to be an all black one. I have no idea if it was a special night, whether it is exclusively a black club or whether it just happens to be popular with a certain group but there wasn't a single non black person in there (about 150 people at a guess).

If I had told myself about this situation yesterday afternoon I would have shrugged and said 'so what?' but, in the event, I couldn't. I felt really awkward and strange and like everyone was staring at us (which I really don't think they were!) We didn't even buy a drink, just left again after standing around awkwardly for a minute or two (group I was with were all either white, asian or mixed race).

The bouncer raised his eyebows at us when we came out and made a remark about being quick. One of my friends said it hadn't really been our scene and the guy laughed and said, 'thought not.' I then felt like a piece of total racist scum.

Was I being racist to feel uneasy in that environment? Nobody did a thing to us or explicitly told us we couldn't be there. Shit, I was being racist wasn't I! I wish I could work out why I felt like that.

When certain songs come on lots of jumping and pushing goes on. Not just garage music but just certain songs. Ludacris did a couple of songs: 'move bitch' and 'southeren hospitality' lots of pushing and throwing of elbows.

I'm not so much into garage type music myself but have been in clubs where its been played and certain songs from certain groups or whatever gets the crowd really hyped, if yournot used to it it could be intimidating that's all.

I have walked into a club with my Black long teerm partner and have been the only White person. It was a shock at first as I hadn't seen that before but I felt great and the people were friendly as I expect.

I've been in a few situations like this as I spent a few years in South East London in a predominantly black area. I know you hear things like that and people scoff but it was true. We were the only white family in our block of flats.

It really didn't bother me, but I can understand how it might bother someone else. If it was a dancehall club (not all of that sort of music is homophobic by the way, though I admit some of it is) then it might be quite intimidating. I wouldn't necessarily say it was a racist reaction as I have no idea of the atmosphere of the club. If it was welcoming and friendly and the only reason the OP left was because the patrons were exclusively black, then yeah that may be a bit racist...but if it was an aggressive intimidating place, then it's just a normal reaction.

Not read the whole thread, but, going by your posts, OP, I'd say you were feeling outside your comfort zone, rather than racist.

I am from Indian parentage, but grew up in a small rural town where everyone else was white. I just did all the same things as all the other kids in small rural towns do. As an adult, I am more than happy tramping around the countryside, going to a classical concert, going to a football match etc, where everyone else is white. It doesn't even occur to me that I'm different. This is what I grew up with, and this is my comfort zone. People might give me a second glance because I do look different from the crowd, but because I feel at ease, I don't think people think of me as "different" after about 60 seconds - or at least I hope they don't, and if they do, I don't really care, that's their problem!

Now, put me at an Indian wedding or other event that's exclusively Asian and I feel really gauche and have no idea how to behave. Culturally, such events are just not what I know, even if I look like I fit in because of my colour.

You know what, OP, I was once dumped by a white guy because, he said, I wasn't "Asian" enough. I'd say he was a racist, with his fixed view about what a person "should" be based on colour. But not you, don't beat yourself up.

Thanks for not crucifying me, everybody. Hopefully, if I'm in that situation again, I will react differently. It has really made me think because my own children must be in that situation a lot. Not to the same extent of stark difference (they are half Hispanic) but they are among a small handfull of none white children in our school and are the only ones in our village. Not that they've ever seemed to have a problem with it.

The music wasn't aggressive btw, and I didn't feel threatened, it was ordinary rap/R&B stuff.

Mind you, I wouldn't go out of my way to go out in Dalston again, the other club we went to was a total 'dive' as well. Dark sweaty underground rooms passing for clubs and full of people too drunk not to bang into the walls every two seconds - I'm too old for that shit, I'll go to Covent Garden next time!!

I think it was a natural reaction to feel uncomfortable being the odd ones out. I do think it was a bit racist of all of you to just get up and leave because of it.

It's one thing to have a feeling, it's another thing to act on it. If you went with a black friend to a club and there were only white people in it, what would your reaction be if your friend wanted to leave, "because it wasn't their scene"?

I would not have left. A pub is pub, have a drunk in it.

Not sure how they would have reacted to manicinsomniac "having" anyone, even if it was a drunk, in the pub.

But yes, stick around, have a drink at least.

Lentilly,that is your opinion and I don't know how you can judge me as the problem with the world from one post. On the whole I'm a just get on with it poster but tbh I'm a bit fed up with the double standards I've been the only non white person in lots of places and get the weird looks and the look at the Afro type comments (I hasten to add I have Afro type hair but not an Afro) and I don't bat an eyelid but the friend who has been there with me came with me to the Caribbean and made a big thing about being the only white person there and that was ok because she was just out of her comfort zone.