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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be crying over a goldfish

42 replies

hairylemon · 14/07/2012 08:29

I know Im a saddo, got quite attached to the little thing though Sad

Only had him a couple of weeks, he looked a bit unhappy a few days ago and Ive only been doing partial water changes so thought "I know what will cheer him up, a nice clean tank" so I put him in a bowl, cleaned all the tank, filter, stones etc. Slung him back in and he looked quite happy.

This morning he was found on his side at the bottom of the tank, dead as a really dead thing. Took him out by hand to check for signs of life. Nothing.

I feel so guilty, I dont think the water change is 100% to blame as he clearly wasnt right but it probably sped it up somewhat.

What am I going to tell DS? He hasnt noticed yet Sad

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 14/07/2012 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hairylemon · 14/07/2012 08:48

yes put the conditioner in Sad

This is the first fish Ive ever kept, the guy at the shop said to expect a death with the first fish until Ive got used to everything but I thought it was all going well(ish). I hadnt seen him eat anything for a little while but he looked well, nice and shiny, scales smooth to his body, fins all nice and intact but he was favouring the part of the tank with the filter which seemed a bit clearer so thought maybe he could do with a clean tank.

Is it wrong Im hoping DS just doesnt notice and I can nip out later and get another one? hes only 3, think hes a bit young to know about these things yet.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 14/07/2012 08:53

did you cycle the tank properly before adding him? how long have you had tank/fish?

if you cleaned everything including the stones and filter etc you will have got rid of all the important bacteria on them unfortunately. you should only really need to do a partial water change each week.

JeezyPeeps · 14/07/2012 08:55

I don't think 3 is too young. My old cat died when my eldest was 3 and youngest 1.5. They accepted what we told them really well and with curiosity, rather than traumatising them for life.

But I understand, and I hope you find one that looks the same!

kim147 · 14/07/2012 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 14/07/2012 08:57

oh and don't listen to the guy at the shop.
there is really no reason to expect a death at all, unless you are using the fish to cycle the tank, which I suspect is what has happened here.

have a read of this before you go and get a replacement

ripsishere · 14/07/2012 08:58

YANBU. I cried a couple of weeks ago about goldfish. Mine were tears of anger. I took DD to the funfair and some youths had won fish. These poor fish were in plastic bags.
The youths decided the fish would enjoy the waltzer. I phoned the police because I was convinced it was against the law (fish as prizes rather than waltzer rides). Cheshire constabulary couldn't have cared less.

EightiesChick · 14/07/2012 08:59

Of course yanbu to cry. It's a shame but it was an honest mistake and you know now. My ds was a bit younger when our cat died and we told him straight - he was fine but I would totally understand you getting another one and keeping quiet if you can do it without yours noticing.

kim147 · 14/07/2012 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hairylemon · 14/07/2012 09:03

Thisis, only had the set up for about 3 weeks. Never had a fish in my life, used to hate them believe it or not! Kept the tank with filter running and water in for 3 days before we got the fish, kicking myself now that I thought it would be ok to do a full change and put him in straight away.

Arrrgh I AM really upset. It was me wasn't it? Bet he was just off his food for a bit then I come along and kill him.

OP posts:
HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 14/07/2012 09:04

If your tank is big enough why not do a proper cycle and get either cherry shrimp or small amount of guppies (the makes are lovely colours) much more interesting for children and better for a beginner.

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 14/07/2012 09:05

The males . Sorry

Original poster
hairylemon · 14/07/2012 09:12

Sorry for slow replies I'm on my phone. It's big enough for 2 goldfish according to the shop who sold it, embarrasingly I can't remember the capacity off the top of my head but it is a reasonable size, I can't bear seeing fish in teeny tanks.

Thanks for the link thisis and the tip honeydragon. Will be back on laptop in a while this phone is shit for knobhead

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 14/07/2012 09:12

yeah 3 days isn't long enough to cycle a tank, so you are basically using the fish to do it which will kill most fish tbh. some will be lucky enough to survive, but it isn't particularly nice for them.

also, did he warn you that your goldfish would mostly likely outgrow the tank fairly quickly?

they get pretty big!

is there another fish shop you could go to? the one who has advised you so far seems awful :(
not your fault, you did what the guy said

Original poster
hairylemon · 14/07/2012 09:13

Haha, mning, not knobhead, what a weird autocorrect!

OP posts:
Original poster
hairylemon · 14/07/2012 09:15

Oooh that's interesting, I got the set up from petsathome, he seemed to know his stuff but clearly not

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 14/07/2012 09:17

i would take it back. point out that it is not fit for purpose, as not big enough for 2 goldfish and that you were given bad advice about the fish.

take the dead fish with you.

when they refuse to do anything about it (which they will as they are nobbers (see similar thread on dead guinea pigs from there too)) then get out your dead fish and tell them, LOUDLY, that you will not be leaving until you have a refund for ALL of the money you have wasted due to their bad advice.

you could also print out the fishless cycling thing and give it to them.

then go and find a nice aquatics shop to use. I can recommend some if you're in the south east??

Original poster
hairylemon · 14/07/2012 09:21

Uh oh Ds is shouting that he wants to feed fishy. Back in a bit, wish me luck :(

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 14/07/2012 09:26

aww hope he is not too sad :(

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 14/07/2012 09:35

Many years ago PAH sold me the wrong tank and sold me s goldfish breed that did grow to big, oh how we larfed Hmm
PAH are crap.

I'm afraid you did kill the fish, but on bad advice Sad

Get the capacity of your tank and post on the fishnet board here asking what you can put in it. All the Mnetters on there are lovely, and sadly have heard it all before in regards to your story.

Fish keeping is a fair bit of work but very rewarding Smile and their are lots more interesting fish than goldfish that can go in a cold water tank.

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 14/07/2012 09:36

And more hardy than goldfish too. Goldfish are very messy and maintaining the tank is a pita!

kim147 · 14/07/2012 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummakaz · 14/07/2012 10:04

Zebra danios are a good fish to cycle the tank, it takes a lot to kill them off :)

kim147 · 14/07/2012 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 14/07/2012 10:52

mummakaz, if you do a fishless cycle there is no need to use "hardy" fish or kill any anyway. nicer all round that way.
there is no need to use fish to cycle a tank

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