About friend who thinks I'm lucky because I get a break from my DS's because I'm divorced

[Jules666]

and they're at their dads.

So I'm sat here drinking wine, on my own as nobody to go out with, missing my boys and she thinks 'that I would understand if I were her and never got a break'

I've texted her back to say that she's got a husband in the house and can go and have a break and leave kids with hubby.

AIBU in thinking that it's not the same as being lonely and missing them when there's nothing you can do about it as they want to spend time with their dad.

Go on tell it to me straight. Am fortified with wine so can take it!

I really feel for you :( my ex lives in a different country and all his access is court ordered so I now face four weeks away from my 5 year old Ds while his dad has him. It's a horrible feeling.

Unless a person is in the same position they can never understand what it's like to hand your child over to someone else. It's not a break. It's lonely.

YABU, I'm a single parent to my ds whose dad is not around and I never get a night off. I'd love a night off a week to have some "me" time.

Aww LucieMay, that must be tough. I'd offer to help but I suspect I'm in completely the wrong part of the country.

AnaemicPrincess, I am a single parent. I havent seen my daughter in about two weeks, bar briefly when I've popped over to my ex's house.

I'm not lonely, I'm enjoying the break.

The biggest problem with the op is that both think they are having the harder time, when it's not a competition. Different things are beneficial for different people. It may well be that the ops friend is more like me than she is the op. I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship, and I enjoy the time when the kids are at their dads. The op feels differently. Both equally valid.

YANBU but everyone's different, some people would see it as a 'break' whereas others are in a situation where exh left for someone else and they now can't see their own kids 2 or 3 nights a week, not their choice, and that is painful. Mine are just off for a weeks holiday and I'm dreading it, that time is so precious and I feel like I'm missing out by not being able to go with them yes I do have a social life and things to do but the family life I treasured has been partially taken away from me and that's not lucky in my eyes. I get too when others think I've got it easy so I know where you're coming from.
Like others have said though the grass is always greener and it's hard for lps with no time off or those in crappy relationships etc as well, so I agree that gratitude for what we have (lovely dcs, even if only with us for say 70% of the time) is the way to go ideally.

Oh I fully understand the other side of it as well. I'm in a relationship and Ds and I live with Dp so I'm not lonely in that aspect just the thought that I can't see my child for 4 weeks is getting me down. Even a week feels like a long time without Ds. But I'm used to having him on my own so dont feel I really 'need' the break that people suggest I must be excited about if that makes sense?

I suppose I have never experience a break up with children (I broke up with ex while prgnant, already knowing he was a useless fucker) so Being alone all the time is all I know. I definitly think the key to succsessful child splitting is the relationship with the Ex.
If relations are reasonably amicable, and you are both on the same page parenting wise it should be a good thing.
It must be really awful to send your kids off to a man you think is not going to look after them properly etc.

Jules I find it sad when people are in a relationship and then feel jealous of single parents as they get a 'break'. If DH is home i can walk out the door at anytime on my own and I go out to see friends. He is a parent just like me so if i need to go out to pick up milk then i will without 2 children in tow.

Thanks for all the replies. A lot of food for thought. I think that it's difficult so know how a situation feels unless you've experienced it. Also even the same situation can feel different depending on your personality, ie some people see their children being with the other parent as a break and others as being without them and missing them.

With me I've always been with them. I gave up a very well paid job to be with them as my then h could easily support us all and enjoyed being with them. I've always been a homebody and now being 47 don't have the stamina or wouldn't want to be out a few times a week. To me being at home with my children with an odd night out would suit me so, yes, I do find it hard when they're not here. Not just the evening but the taking them to bed, waking up next morning and seeing them. Being divorced and them having two homes is not how I saw life for me and them so do take exception to someone thinking that I'm 'lucky'. Surely you're only lucky is that's what you want.

I can see people on their own with children who never get a break thinking I shouldn't complain but the grass isn't always greener even if it can seem that way. And if you we're to not see your children every other night you might feel differently?

As for my friend she knows how much I miss my boys so really think she should have thought before she made her comments. As for her not getting a break she is more than capable of going out and leaving her children with their dad. In fact I've invited her here many times but so far hasn't come unless it's with her children. She does seem to be someone that complains about things but won't do anything to change it.

Oops didn't mean for this to be so long, but it's given me food for thought especially should make the most of my situation and start doing things for myself when the boys aren't here.