...to not eat

[somewherewest]

So AIBU to respond to my parents' lovingly-prepared Annabel Karmel purees as if they're feeding me arsenic, but not to give a flying fuck about baby-led weaning either?

I'm 7mo by the way.

I've just discovered waiting till DM is distracted then smacking my hand down on the purée plate and sending it flying. Purée everywhere. Also fun to snort said purée and sneeze it out along with lots of bogies. Feeding chunks of food to the dogs is also a good game and makes DM shout at the dogs.

Can you tell I enjoy mealtimes a lot.

Me aged 6 months and 2 days

Make sure that when you're at your Grandparents house you eat everything they give you with a massive drooling smile. Refuse identical meal later in the week at home.

Try taking stuff off your mum's plate but not if she offers it. Give it all a good squidge, with snotty fingers are best, and then put it back. Then pretend to be shocked and have a good scream when she gets cross.

Would you like to hazard a guess what that woman tried to give me just now? Ella's fucking Kitchen beef stew. I ask you! Apparently it's because we haven't got much time because we're going out soon. Notice she has time to sit on her arse in front of that tappy beepy thing

I told her yesterday, if it comes with a spoon, it'd better be yogurt. Anything else and she'll get my sour lemons face. Not my fault she's too stupid to cotton on to the fact that toast is quicker than anything else. Still, she'll learn...

LittleGwen (6 months)

YANBU. I have the same thing here with My Mother. Simply unwilling to be a chew toy - I mean, WTAF? It's FUN! And why should I eat anything other than fromage frais if I don't want to? I mean, booby and yoghurts is fine for a varied diet right? Especially if I want most booby at nighttime. She loves it when I share her and daddy's bed.

(Bottle and weaning refuser - nearly 9 months!)

By 9 months you should be progressing onto gagging on banana, throwing up all your dinner and falling out of your high chair. Best of luck

Another good tip I particularly enjoy when lunch gets boring, is to create a distraction then drop chunks of food into DM's mug of tea. She'll only find them when she gets to the bottom (this is the only time you must let DM finish cup of tea).

This is hilarious. Fact.

I've told DM that if she tarts herself up like Annabel Karmel in those pictures I may consent to eat something. Unwhitened teeth and no lippy just ain't good enough.

Another thing my crazy mother does is insist I get dressed before going out! She doesn't understand that going out naked in wellies is reasonable.

Anyway must go. DM is taking me out to get coffee, when she could be getting her nails done like Annabel or taking me to Advanced Mandarin for Babies .

I'm also 7 mo and can highly recommend the following:

1. Accept what's on the spoon, don't chew it or swallow it then give a big gumsy grin so that it all pours out again aka passive resistance.
2. Blow raspberries while the 'rents are trying to make you eat. This is especially effective with pea purree.
3. Wait until your mum has wiped all the excess food from your face into the bib, then (quickly before she can stop you!) flip the bib over your face.

Since I've been sick this week and not eating properly, I've managed to make my mummy feed me only yoghurt and 'Ella's kitchen' pouches for the last 2 days by having a total melt down if she tries to give me anything else.
Tis lots of fun this weaning business!

When you do eat something make sure you save a bit in your mouth, then when DM lifts you out of the high chair - spit it in her hair.

Sorry you are going through such a hard time, but nice to know I'm not alone.

Yesterday, I discovered a previously unknown foodsource, which I thought was a stroke of luck as I'm damn near starved. As soon as she witnessed my joy, guess what my mother did? Take my pram and it's tasty mud grass and leaf-encrusted wheels away! Bitch.

Actually, every time she straps me into that stupid chair, a big bowl of food appears then disappears and I don't know where it goes, she must throw it away because I'm still hungry. THEN has the cheek to sit and eat what looks like proper food in front of me and barely gives me half of it and only when I shout, a lot. Incidentally, my mum used to be much squishier and better to cuddle, but since I've learn to walk (part of my master plan to escape) and have been forced to beg half of all her food from her, she is looking a bit thinner.

I'm 13months old by the way. Mum calls me Guts, but I don't think that's my real name.

Oh I forgot. If they offer you a drink out of a cup, accept a large mouthful, but DO NOT swallow, or close your mouth. Allow it to escape. Sometimes it causes a pleasing dribbly sensation down your neck, sometimes a good noise as it hits the floor, other times a change in colour and feel of the big person's clothes....The possibilites are endless, and it's great fun.

The mushy stuff on the spoon is not food, it's to be rubbed into your hair.

Food is toastandjam, you only get toastandjam if you shout it over and over and Mama is a weeping mess trying very hard to be light hearted and not make food into an issue. If toastandjam is really not available you may settle for applejoooos. But only if applehooos comes in a smll box with a straw, you must never accept it in a sippy cup.

All food in Nana's house is good, Nana likes salt. And has a deepfat frier. Nana also has chocolate buttons and thinks lollies are a food group.

Have you a cat? Or a dog?

Does it sit by the highchair, waiting for dropped scraps (like mine did??

Make both our days and try some target practice. It'll take a bit of time at first, but if you just edge the bowl to the end of the highchair in the general direction, it'll tip itself, be fun for you, feed the animal and make Mummy very cross (this is known as 3 birds with one stone - don't ask me why!).
As you get more experienced, you can aim more accurately.

10 points for its head

I'm 18 months and let me tell you bunch of amateurs a few things... My diet yesterday included a rose petal, stones, wood chips, water from the ground and a few other choice morsels DM won't know about until she changes my nappy. Eating FOOD is for wimps.

I'm 3 now so am much too mature to still use food as a styling product but when I was 1 I used to like squashing salmon in my fingers and spiking my hair with it.

It also gives it a lovely smell which takes at least 3 washes to come out.

You are clearly missing the point, it is not for eating anyway Annabel Carmel is a very posh hair and skin care brand.

For best results empty contents of bowl over your head then smear liberally massage into your hair and face.

I also highly recommend progressing to painting abstract works of art with it, it makes a very good medium, mummy can sell them to the Saatchi gallery for a tidy penny.

Katie I have a Nanna like that too! I love her more then the other woman as she feeds me proper food like chocolate, crisps and as much juice as I want.

I come back with new toys and they make loads of noise which the woman hates for some reason.

I just don't understand why the woman doesn't think 12-3am is a perfectly good time for a play? It's not like she's doing anything more interesting, and I can always catch up with my sleep later in the day when she's busy with my brothers. And why does she insist on trying to get me to eat yukky food and drink from a double yukky bottle when there are perfectly good boobs available? They are very fun to chew on and I like to grow my nails and pinch the woman in her soft bits too - she squeaks! I don't know what a 'jesusstopit' is or a 'ohbloodyfuckthathurts' is but it sounds great!

I second the dropping chunks of food into drinks activity. Now that I'm two and drink from an open cup, it's great to make them fish all sorts of morsels out of my drink. You may want to try putting your spoon or fork in the cup so it tips over. If they give you a juice carton with a straw, be sure to squeeze it so lots of juice spills out and then push the straw inside the carton while it's still full.

Had a great time with DM today in a cafe, she didn't want me running around so I managed to drop 3 breadsticks into her tea before she noticed. It was peppermint tea in a clear cup, looked like the toilet backed up!

im 18 months, rather than replying to my mothers attemps at making me talk I look her in the eye, and fart.

YANBU. But what you've got to do is look really haughty and scrunch up your mouth when Mummy gives you your dinner. This is really good practice for when you are 14 and in a bad mood with her. I mean, is fourteen years not, like, aaaages? She should have totally worked it out by now.

Love, MiniAnnunziata, aged 14.

Are your not trying hard enough you've got to make them sweat. I'm 19 months and hardly had any food until 16 months. of course anything not presented in food formate is fair game though.

My motto as long as it's not food eat it. That'll get them sweating.