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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be offended by this comment?

41 replies

Ecgwynn · 13/07/2012 08:28

Yesterday I was out for lunch with a group of friends and their babies, all aged about 2 months and all apart from mine EBF. I was giving my DS a bottle of formula milk (I top up his breast feeds with this on advice from the doctor). This reminded one friend of the fact that she is going to see her parents abroad and she is leaving the baby with her mum for a day so she will have to leave her with a bottle of formula. She then said 'A little bit won't harm her will it?'.

I appreciate that breast is best, but I find it a bit insensitive/inaccurate to insinuate that I am harming my baby by giving him formula, especially as it's not out of choice and I wish that I could EBF.

I know the comment was in no way directed at me and I'm probably being over sensitive. Would you be offended if you FF?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 13/07/2012 08:32

I wouldn't be offended, but I would've laughed at her

Scarredbutnotbroken · 13/07/2012 08:33

Take heart. So she's a lactivist until she needs to do something then suddenly ff isn't a huge crime. How hypocritical. Don't let it get to you

GnocchiNineDoors · 13/07/2012 08:35

I couldnt have stopped myself saying "a lot wont harm her either".

You are very restrained

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 08:35

It depends on your friend's tone of voice, facial expression etc

Perhaps she is worried, the change from breast to formula, might not suit her, if formula is all the baby is used to?

I think you are looking for insults where there is none. If yiou were so OK about your own decision it really wouldn't constitute a MN thread. Do not blame your doubts on others.

Dprince · 13/07/2012 08:35

I wouldn't have been offended. When EBF some people are scared of giving a bottle I case its difficult to get the baby back on the breast. This may have been what she was referring to. The routine wouldn't be harmed not the actually baby.
Trust me I was sensitive about these things, only managed 5 weeks end with dd and none with as due to surgery I had I between having kids. But honestly it doesn't matter what other think. Your baby is happy, healthy and fed.

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 08:37

*if breast milk is what the baby is used to

FootballFriendSays · 13/07/2012 08:37

Your babies are only 2 months old. Plenty of time for insensitive comments to follow. I don't think it was meant in a snidey way but when you're tired and sensitive about some topics you're bound to feel it worse than it was meant. Plus, don't forget some people do have foot-in-mouth problems.

Springforward · 13/07/2012 08:41

I wouldn't have been offended. She was probably just saying that she didn't actually think formula was sent from the devil.

Birdsgottafly · 13/07/2012 08:42

This is about how you feel about mixed feeding.

She is as entitled to not really want to give f and is trying to justify it to herself, by her comment.

Pagwatch · 13/07/2012 08:43

It depends in a lot of things.

I exclusively breastfed my dd because we have a family history which includes poor immune system, allergies, reflux, diet related eczema etc. I might have said such a thing about my child but I would not have meant it in any way about ffing in general.

I personally think she is fretting about change of routine etc rather than 'harming' meaning that ff is damaging.

I think you know her. If she is generally sensible I wouldn't assume it was meant negatively. Assuming that without good reason is a bit chippy tbh.

bragmatic · 13/07/2012 08:45

Had it been a friend of mine I would have assumed she was wanting reassurance it wouldnt upset her baby's tummy. You know, going from one thing, to another.

DontEatTheVolesKids · 13/07/2012 09:08

I wouldn't be offended, I'd just think she was being precious (but not unusually so with young baby).

TenaciousOne · 13/07/2012 09:13

I wouldn't be offended but then I'm basing that on my experience of ebf and at roughly 2 months we suspected DS was reacting to something my diet(milk) so when someone suggested formula my knee jerk reaction was to say no. As it happens we tried it a few months later and yep definitely milk :(

knowitallstrikesagain · 13/07/2012 09:16

YABU to be offended.

I would have taken this to mean that she was wondering whether the change in milk would upset baby's tummy, or whether her choice of brand would be appropriate.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 13/07/2012 09:23

YABU to be offended. She was talking about her situation and her baby, and she was only voicing a minor concern that she has. She knows it won't harm her baby otherwise she wouldn't be doing it.

We all make choices for our children believing that we have made the right choice, but that doesn't always stop all niggling doubts going away. This woman was just looking for some reassurance from her peers on her own situation, her comment had nothing to do with the choices you have made.

RustyBear · 13/07/2012 09:27

If she hasn't given her baby formula before, she might want to try it before she goes off and leaves the baby with her mum - when DS wasn't gaining weight the HV advised me to top up with formula, but DS totally refused to drink it at all.

Ambrosius · 13/07/2012 09:36

I would have laughed and said "don't be a twat of course it won't!" She was a little insensitive, but we're all a bit self obsessed when talking about our pfbs aren't we? :)

Ambrosius · 13/07/2012 09:38

Sorry that smiley was NOT a pa one, even though it looks likes one

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 09:42

I think your response might be a total overreaction Ambrosius and offensive. You seem lovely

PenisVanLesbian · 13/07/2012 09:45

No, I wouldn't be offended. I would be offended by the overblown posters here throwing words like "lactivist" around though.

People can't fucking say anything, someone will take it personally and get upset about it. If thats the kind of thing that upsets someone they should probably sit in a dark room everyday and try not to get offended by the wallpaper.

pjmama · 13/07/2012 09:45

I think you're reading far too much into it. I doubt she was insinuating that formula is poison. More likely she's got a tiny baby who is doing well on breastmilk and she's a bit nervous about changing her diet in case it upsets her. Don't take it personally, her comment had nothing to do with you and your choices.

AKE2012 · 13/07/2012 09:49

I think she was probably jus thinking bout her baby & that u using formula probably never crossed her mind. Maybe she got home realised what she said & felt bad about it.

fragola · 13/07/2012 09:55

No I wouldn't have been offended. People should be able to talk about how they feed their children without fear of offending someone who does something different.

Belmo · 13/07/2012 09:57

I doubt she meant it like that. I know it's unlikely but when I gave my dd a little bit of formula (closer to six months) her whole face and neck swole up and in 5 minutes she was covered in hives - turns out she's allergic. So to be fair, a little bit might, although not in a formula-is-worse-than-poison sort of way.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 13/07/2012 10:05

I agree she probably meant nothing offensive, assume she meant harm her routine, latch whatever. I can see why you think she did though.

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