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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect our DDs boyfriend to meet us.

49 replies

LaurieBlueBell · 12/07/2012 12:45

DD is 26 weeks pregnant. The baby wasn't planned. DD had on been with her partner 4 months when she fell pregnant. I will admit to being gutted when I first found out but these things happen and the baby will be much loved.

They have no plans to live together but are still a couple and he will be involved with the baby.
However, he refuses to meet me. I think that is really strange. I've always got on well with DDs previous partners so no reputation as MiL from hell . I think it would be polite thing to meet her parents. DH is very reasonable and as far as I now doesn't have a shotgun Grin.
DD has asked him to meet us but he just d
Am I being terribly old fashioned or is this boy/man a complete dick.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurieBlueBell · 12/07/2012 12:46

Posted too soon.

DD has asked him to meet us but he just doesn't want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurieBlueBell · 12/07/2012 12:48

Bloody hell

now - Know

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/07/2012 12:48

I wouldn't call him a complete dick just yet as you might not know the bigger picture and what he and your DD have discussed/decided.

But yes it's a bit strange.

Has your DD met his parents?

Petsinmypudenda · 12/07/2012 12:50

Well the situation is strange so perhaps he is sill getting his head round everything ?

carabos · 12/07/2012 12:50

I can understand your concern, but if he isn't planning a long term future with your DD, only with his child, then maybe he doesn't see the point. However, YANBU.

Alurkatsoftplay · 12/07/2012 12:51

I would think he's a complete dick.

But to dd I would say, "oh well, I'm sure he has his reasons"

Petsinmypudenda · 12/07/2012 12:51

Although I personally would want to meet him too so I see where you are coming from.

Dh got me pregnant at 16 after just a month together. I made him come with me to tell my dad and step mum so I could hide behind himGrin

Birdsgottafly · 12/07/2012 12:52

He needs to grow up and quick.

Does he think that you are not going to be meeting up once the child is here?

I am supporting a 16 year old relative through her pregnancy, she is only 8 weeks pregnant, but i have met her bf.

He accepts that she needs support and any plans include both of them, so he has to meet up with us, for her benefit.

Birdsgottafly · 12/07/2012 12:54

It's to much pressure on your DD to meet during labour or soon after the birth, you need to get it out of the way.

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake · 12/07/2012 12:55

It may be a hard situation and he may be worried about meeting you but he is going to be a dad soon he needs to man up a bit.
How old is he?

Buttwart · 12/07/2012 12:56

hibu

squeakytoy · 12/07/2012 12:58

Um, I hate to ask, but are you sure he exists as a boyfriend, if you have never met him, or is possible he isnt free to actually be with her.

therumoursaretrue · 12/07/2012 13:03

If I was your DD I would be worried he had no long-term plans to remain in a relationship. Yes it can be scary meeting the parents but as an adult sometimes you have to just get on with these things. What age is he?

Anypointinseeingdoc · 12/07/2012 13:04

I always refused to meet the parents of anyone I was going out with because I just didn't see the point and BFs always made them sound very unpleasant and scary. But I wasn't having a baby with any of them. YANBU.

Original poster
LaurieBlueBell · 12/07/2012 13:05

birds exactly, I can just imagine the atmosphere during labour (DD has asked me to be her birth partner) They have discussed that and he agrees. He will be at the hospital as well.
squeaky yes he does exist I've pictures of him on her facebook and all her friends have met him.
He is 23.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaurieBlueBell · 12/07/2012 13:07

I think the fact that she has asked me to be her birth partner indicates DD thinks he may not be around for the birth.

Grin
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/07/2012 13:07

Has your DD met his parents Laurie?

lastnerve · 12/07/2012 13:08

Hmm yeah ask her what his reasons are,

I remember at 19 my DP was given the 'I won't be hard on you It takes too their will be no offishness from me' speech from my mum he just looked at the floor lol it looked as if he was being quite rude, he just didn't know how to respond.

QuintessentialShadows · 12/07/2012 13:11

Your dd is very young, isnt she? Is he worried that you will handcuff and throw him to the lions?

The situation is very strange, isnt it.

ImperialBlether · 12/07/2012 13:12

He sounds immature for 23. I'm really sorry, but the only reason I can think of is that you wouldn't be able to recognise him if he did a runner.

bejeezus · 12/07/2012 13:13

How old is your dd?

I thought you were going to say he was 16! 23 is old enough to be facing his responsibilities and not being afraid of meeting you?

He must surely have given a reason to your dd for not wanting to meet you Confused

I think it does sound ad if he's not planning on staying Sad

pumpkinsweetie · 12/07/2012 13:14

I agree with Imperial, if he isn't willing to meet you yet he is likely to do a runner once he is met with fatherhood-very immature behaviour for a 23 yo!
Either that or their relationship is more of the 'casual' nature

Original poster
LaurieBlueBell · 12/07/2012 13:15

DD is 24, she has met his parents and gets on well with his mum.

The thing is, the longer this goes on the more annoyed I am getting with him. So when/if we do finally meet the atmosphere is going to be awful even If I pretend I don't have a problem.

We have put forward several very casual invitations but he just refuses and doesn't give any reason.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 12/07/2012 13:15

Does he exist? Does he know about about the baby?

I find it very strange that a 23 year old doesn't want to meet you. It's not that young but I was married with a mortgage at 24.

I'd insist on it. If he can't face anything too formal, could your DD arrange to meet in the pub for a quick pint with him, you and DH? I personally would never got involved with anyone that wouldn't meet my parents (22 and 21 when they had me!).

GinPalace · 12/07/2012 13:16

Very strange. Is he terrified you will go mad at hime for getting your daughter pregnant? Is he massively ashamed? Has his Mum scared him to death by saying what she would do to him if she was you? Did your DD ask why not?

Would your DD be against you contacting him and saying it would just be nice to meet him before you are at the hospital together and you aren't going to go to jail for murder with a GC on the way? Grin

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