To think this is more romantic than taking your husband's last name

[YesIamYourSisterInLaw]

I would prefer when me and DP get married if we all ( me him and DS) change our last name to something completely different that we all like. To me this is more romantic as it feels like we will both be coming together in marriage and starting a fresh with a new name that reflects our family.
DP isn't writing off the idea and has said he will think about it. I think if he wasn't taking outside views into consideration he would say yes but his concern is probably more to how his parents may react (I'm guessing as he's never shown any attachment to his last name)

Anyway our situation aside what are your views on this

Tell him there are only two options where you all get the same name:

1 new name
2 he takes your name

There is nothing remotely romantic about a woman changing her name when she gets married.

Unless you think ownership, deference and female subservience are romantic.

unless you both really hate your names, or hate your family, I can't see why you would do this.

My name means something to me because it's where i come from, knowing my great great great grandmother had the same name makes me feel very attached to it.

I wouldn't just want some random name that had no special meaning or personal history attached.

*unless you both really hate your names, or hate your family, I can't see why you would do this.

My name means something to me because it's where i come from, knowing my great great great grandmother had the same name makes me feel very attached to it.

I wouldn't just want some random name that had no special meaning or personal history attached.*

Finally someone is saying what I am thinking.

My DH has no relationship with his Dad but likes his name and the history of his ancestors that it represents. I am Mrs DH and the kids have his surname too. My maiden name is my son's middle name.

I am a big fan of family trees and family history and this has meaning and roots. I've traced back one side to the 1700s.

If my sons grew and made up a completely different name for his family my DH and I would be so hurt, like a rejection of their "tribe".

I'm not saying anyone is wrong to create a new surname, but for others, like me, tradition outweighs the desire to do this. It's personal taste rather than a questions of ethics.

Sounds like a lovely idea :)
I took DH's name when we married. DS was 2 when we finally got round to it but we registered him with DH's name. I did consider double barreling it but the 2 names didn't really go together, plus my family's name is quite hard to spell (which makes Ancestry interesting!).
And I really don't think that anyone actually believes that a woman who takes her husbands name is 'owned' by him, or is subserviant in anyway.

Yes, as Nancy says. I don't think it sounds romantic at all. Changing names is hardly a very romantic thing anyway, it's just an administrative process of sorts.

As someone who hasnt got married, changed her name and sees no reason why a traditional relationship or legal ties to your partner is necessary or important (but has no issue with others doing exactly as they wish) find it quite funny how many people are irate at the idea that a woman would change her name when she gets married (why wouldnt you, if you want to?) and frankly hysterical that anyone would think this has anything to do with female subservience. We are a bit past all that surely? My son has my partners name, my brothers son has his fathers name, everyones family name gets continued, which we like but guess some people dont care about - and all of those options are fine. Its just a name...

In think your Inlaws might find it a little offensive TBH

My thoughts are:

Oh fgs do what you want
And I'll do what I want

Sorry for the delayed reply.
To the poster that asked why i want to "make" him change his name, i can't make him do anything and he's never shown particular attachment to it anyway so i thought i would ask.

To another poster who said about neither of us changing our names, i'd like to have the same last name as our son

I can understand why some people think it's odd but to me it's just a name and doesn't bring me physically any closer to my ancestors, i still know who i am . This new name would still be special and have meaning because it's a name we chose together rather than being assigned it.

Anyway thanks everyone for your feedback it's interesting to hear different views

Oh and misery guts, i mean Kayano: i will and was going to anyway.
If this thread annoys you you know where the back button is, be a dear and use it

I know a family who live in the Hebrides, when they married they kept their own surnames,

but when they had children they gave the children the name of the island as a surname, it's really lovely, the whole community love it.

I know quite a few couples who have created a surname, either blended their own or just made one up,

do what ever suits you, it's your life.

As a family tree enthusiast I can see the logic in the traditional structure of taking the man's surname. I like it. A little nod to the past and as such I find it more romantic than making up a new name or going with a short-lived double-barrelled approach. There have been many things women have had to fight for and challenge tradition, and I am eternally grateful to those who did it and continue to do so. I just don't see this as one of those things.
Professionally I am Dr xlist but for everything else I am Mrs zlist.
I think you just have to do what you feel comfortable with and there is no right or wrong.

We did this. Got married when I was pregnant with DS1 and changed both our names. To keep a sense of family history we gathered all the names from the last few generations of our families and picked one of those.

My mum, who is 68, has recently mentioned (when this issue came up in discussion) that if she were getting married all over again, she would not have changed her name. It was simply the done thing back in those days.

yes i thought of this - didnt know it was possible think its a great idea.

It is not difficult at all for a man to change his surname on marriage. My husband had been married before so I didn't not want to be his second Mrs T so we discussed it and came up with creating a double-barrelled name using both our surnames this also meant existing kids were still associated with our new name.
We needed to change our passport to go on honeymoon (which you can do in advance as long as you give time, date and place when marriage is going to take place). We were already married so just had to show marriage certificate and state, in writing, that from here on in we would be using our new surname. Once you've got your passport you can use that as i.d. for all other "stuff" requiring proof of identity.
You do not need change of name by deed poll.
Good luck.

I think it is a totally shit idea tbh.

It sounds like you are trying too hard to be 'out there' and an unconventional trendy type.

So when your kids get married and they go off and re- name themselves ( because it is oh so romantic!) you haven't actualy started anything - just changed your name.

interesting view point iknowwho,

I thought the OP sounded as if they both were just enthusiastic to do something different.

do it.
it's a great ideae to change your names to something new (something that makes you a new family)

it's no problem changing your DC's name either