To not want a 'traditional' wedding?

[Scheherezade]

.... DP thinks I'm mad.

But I really don't want the wedding-by-numbers formula. Our village church is absolutely beautiful, so I'm happy to get married in the church, but it's the whole drive to reception with flowers and favours and white tables. Eat/Drink/Dance go home. I'm not explaining myself very well....

Plus we can't bloody afford a big wedding. But I don't really know what I do want. Something a bit different, intimate, countryside. Or just bugger off abroad.

Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about, and any experiences/inspirational ideas?

offbeatbride.com/

Yanbu.

My sil had an amazing low budget crafty wedding.

But unfortunately I can't tell you anything about it as it would out me completely!

I'd quite like to have a little ceremony in an art gallery or similar. For catering I'd just hire out my favourite japanese restaurant which is nearby (And is better quality and cheaper than caterers!)

Eloping is tempting though- nobody else to consider but yourselves!

In general, what do you like about weddings, and what are you looking forward to about yours?

Think about that first and hold whatever that is as central to all your plans.

I don't think you'd save any money buggering off abroad.
But countryside, intimate sounds lovely.
Maybe a few friends and family, outside, nice garden and flowers, and a picnic style meal after. Dance barefoot in the grass after.

You wedding in my view should reflect you as a couple you dont want people coming to your wedding unable to reconiqse who is getting married
You want people to say thats so ............&...............

The thing is you can fiddle about with the formula of the day but realistically it's going to include a ceremony/drinks/food/bit of a dance/mingle/entertainment at some point so difficult to deviate from that, I would imagine.

Of course YANBU. In fact, well done - it's depressing how many women go along with the whole traditional spectacle because 'it's just what you do'. I know a colleague who was literally crapping herself at the thought of being the centre of attention for a whole day at her wedding, but was going for the full bells and whistles nonetheless. Madness IMHO.

It's your day - have it your way. Everyone who gets invited will expect to share in your happiness and to get fed something. If they expect any more than that, it's their problem. Think about what you really feel comfortable with and, as you say, what you can afford.

emoticon for anyone who just wants to sod off and do it quietly

YANBU. I didn't want a big do either, so we got married in the Seychelles. You couldn't get a more beautiful setting, and it cost a fraction of church/reception/honeymoon. Don't get forced into something that won't make you happy. It's your day. Enjoy

Im in the same situation. I don't want a standard reception as DP's family are HUGE drinker and I don't want to be picking his grandma up off the floor and clearing his mums sick up on my wedding day. At the same time i can't ban alcohol (MIL has taken bottles of vodka in her bag to the past fewoccasions to save on the bar). I'd love to just go to vegas!

I think you need to have a good think about what you and dh want. I got married in 2009, dh, me, the kids and my parents were witnesses. We dressed Jo s little bit, got married in a beautiful registry office which looked like a stately home, took some photos ourselves, then went home, got changed, caught s train, and hit London's west end to celebrate. I LOVED it.

Much better that the first one, which was far more traditional, and mostly out of my hands.

Dressed up - no idea who Jo is!

We got married in church we brought 15 picnick baskets off ebay a job lot got a deli to fill them with picnic for 4 in each basket brought 10 massive rugs and some large outdoor pillows and all walked down to hyde park it was the best day of my life cost of after bit £1000

I have been engaged for 25 years. I don't like weddings either!! But, if you want to be married, I think almost any sort of venue and reception can be arranged nowadays. Don't be swayed by what you think is "expected" or what other people want (apart from your DP of course!).

One of my friends does HUmanist Weddings. Her services always look so personal and beautiful. zenabirch.com/

We had a lovely non traditional crafty wedding that cost a ton less than the big white wedding craziness... but it was perfect for us. Go with what you like and try not to be too inspired by the crazy bridezilla dream!!!

Oh and a lot of gastro pubs do lovley small weddings

mrbojangles that sounds beautiful - just my type of thing! Unfortunately my luck would have it pouring with rain

I think most things to do with traditional weddings are pretty dreadful to be honest. Start with what you like and don't look at bridal magazines.

we had a youth hostel wedding with a buffet from a delicatessen and a big ceilidh in a barn and a fire in the courtyard at night and bbq - it was fab.

we didn't have - cars, bridesmaids, favours, cake
we did have - music, dancing, kids, yummy food, free wine all night

we told people to dress for an unheated barn and gravelly courtyard so people were not uber-posh but lots of the guys wore kilts with boots and rugby shirts or jumpers (yum).

no photographer either - we asked our friends to take lots of photographs and upload them to a joint flickr account.

We wanted a similar wedding to MrBo - but we got married in January! So we hired a village hall, but a similar idea.

Our 'what we really want' was to have all our friends there, having a good time. For which we figured we needed somewhere dry, some food, some booze and some music. Which is what all but £100 of the budget went on.

Everyone enjoyed it.

We had our wedding at a small hotel, with just family and close friends. It was at 4 pm, we had champagne (fizzy wine) and a big buffet afterwards where people could wander round with their plates or sit down. And then we danced the night away. Friends who are folk musicians got up and did a few sets and we hired a really good musician for an hour as well. When he finished his set he went out to the garden and carried on playing for the people there, for free. It was fab. Everyone stayed over at the hotel, but it was a no gifts wedding so people didn't mind paying for the room so much. It cost about £4500 in total. White tables and flowers aren't my thing either. I had a deep red wedding dress which my friend described quite accurately as a victorian whore look

www.cloudberryhill.co.uk/products-page/outdoors/heart-lanterns/

We had a flowerless wedding saved us a tun of money bridesmades had lanterns and we had lanterns in the middle for center piece

Search for some wedding blogs for ideas - have you attended any quirky weddings you have enjoyed?

We are getting married + didn't fancy a "traditional" do as we have kids + been together ages. We are doing the registry office legal bit with just siblings + parents. Then Humanist ceremony with vows written by us on the local beach the next day with all friends + family.

Cream teas + pizza for food, bouncy castle for the kids, disco. Smart clothes but no long white dress!

Find something that makes both of you happy - other people will comment / complain regardless.

I was only 23 when I got married and I had a very traditional very formal wedding, well the day celebrations were formal the evening was very lively! It was what I wanted at the time and I think it suited the type of couple we were at the time. If I was doing it now I would go for a much more simple informal affair.

The wedding is ultimately about the couple and as long as you are not making unreasonable demands on your guests you should be able to have whatever day you want.

Do it exactly how u want. I didn't wear a 'wedding' dress, we had a meal in the pub with our close family and didn't have a reception. Oh, and we got married on a Monday. Wouldn't change anything for the world. To me it's about the marriage, not a wedding.