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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a 'traditional' wedding?

67 replies

Scheherezade · 11/07/2012 20:41

.... DP thinks I'm mad.

But I really don't want the wedding-by-numbers formula. Our village church is absolutely beautiful, so I'm happy to get married in the church, but it's the whole drive to reception with flowers and favours and white tables. Eat/Drink/Dance go home. I'm not explaining myself very well....

Plus we can't bloody afford a big wedding. But I don't really know what I do want. Something a bit different, intimate, countryside. Or just bugger off abroad.

Does anyone have any idea what I'm talking about, and any experiences/inspirational ideas?

OP posts:
Abzs · 11/07/2012 21:19

We had a party at home. DH found a local Indian caterer who delivered to the house. Luckily the sun shone and fun was had (even if some of his relatives didn't come because of the FA cup final - not sure MIL will ever quite forgive them).

I know couples who have celebrated on Scout campsites, mountainsides, in village halls as well in posh hotels.

MilkshakeMaker · 11/07/2012 21:58

I feel very strongly about this, I'd love to be married..but I cant stand the thought of a wedding, I wouldnt want ANYONE there, I'd go away for the weekend and get married in a registry office with myself dp and ds(2) there, If you still need to have a witness I'd grab someone off the street and use his/her name as the middle name for next dc. I'd probably have to go for meal/night out the week after with close family but even that I dread, I wouldnt want a wedding dress and although I realise my wedding day would be as romantic as a plank of wood I would LOVE it! I just want to be married and dont want the attention, does that make sense or am i weird?

Lottapianos · 11/07/2012 22:03

Makes total sense MilkshakeMaker. Good for you Smile

MilkshakeMaker · 11/07/2012 22:07

I dont think the MIL would allow it to happen but that is what I've always wanted and i'm pretty sure dp would be happy with it, May have to show her this thread!

HybridTheory · 11/07/2012 22:09

We got married in a hotel chapel in Las Vegas (surprisingly untacky!!) The wedding planner at the hotel arranged everything we ordered from a kind of a la carte wedding option menu. All we did was turn up in wedding gear and job done - had a lovely meal in the restaurant next door afterwards then celebrated in the casinos all evening. No one but us attended - party when we got home - perfect!

Lottapianos · 11/07/2012 22:10

I know it's easier said than done but do what you want. MIL had her chance to have her own day Smile

MilkshakeMaker · 11/07/2012 22:13

Oh that does sound lovely HybridTheory I want a holiday

VikingLady · 11/07/2012 23:10

We wanted a good day out for us, immediate family and a couple of friends, so we went to Chester zoo. Cheap venue out of season, they did the food (buffet), and everyone had something interesting to do that didn't involve a bloody disco! And it makes a good ice breaker for different groups of friends and relatives to get a conversation going. And easy photos! Most zoos do weddings now.

Freshletticia · 11/07/2012 23:31

we got married in our tiny village church at 4:30 pm, so no fancy lunch.
We put an old circus marquee in the field and had a pig roast and bonfire and mates' band playing. Grew the flowers and made the buffet stuff and decorated the marquee myself and we got fizz from france and a small local mobile bar. Everyone camped and twas fun.

EmmaNemms · 11/07/2012 23:50

We got married last December in a cottage on the west coast of Scotlald, just us, the registrar, and two witnesses, one was the florist and her husband was the photographer! It was lovely. I wore a long crimson velvet dress from East.
Two weeks later, we had a blessing in our village church with family and friends. A fairly traditional reception followed at our local stately home but we had loads of entertainment in the evening but no disco because I'm 46 and I don't like them! We had a table magician, an acoustic singer, ceilidh band and musical caberet; never a dull moment! I also managed another dress - a crimson corseted silk number. We had a wonderful time and did it our own way. No bridesmaids, no wedding cars, no favours.

Just do what you like but if you invite guests, try and give them some thought during the day. Eg, we provided canapés and drinks in the church after the service as its usually hours before the sit down. We also provided a rough timetable so people knew what the plans were and could come and go a bit, without missing anything.

These days, anything goes!

doorbellringer · 11/07/2012 23:51

Ours was a beautiful registry office followed by a local pub with vintage mismatched tables/table cloths/cutlery. No place settings and no set music/speeches/favours (a pointless bugbear of mine) all very much fly by the seat of your pants and easy going. It was lovely and relaxed for everyone and they all mingled and chatted like friends. Felt personal and exactly what we wanted and all for a bargain price. Don't be swayed by family pressure do what makes the happiest photos!

EmmaNemms · 12/07/2012 00:06

www.weeweddings.co.uk. This is where we went - it was gorgeous!

StuntGirl · 12/07/2012 00:48

Your first reply gives you all the answers you need!

NoComet · 12/07/2012 01:21

Church, Buffett in the village hall next door.

Anyone wanting to dance or get drunk can go into town and do it at their own expense afterwardsGrin

That was DH and me's wedding.

Given where we were I suspect people found pubs, but no dancing.

DH doesn't dance, mother set of parent or my grandparents would greatly have enjoyed it. My cousins could save staying the night and I think everyone was happy.

Anyhow we were students and that was the limit of the budget.

NoComet · 12/07/2012 01:22

Neither set of parentsBlush

Isabubbamagic · 12/07/2012 06:34

Yanbu for us (and other pp here it seems) it was about getting married not so much about a wedding.... we did what was right for us not for anyone else! Know we pissed MIL off but she wasn't the one getting married!!

SurprisinglyCurvaceousPirate · 12/07/2012 06:45

But MilkShake, what the hell has it got to do with your MIL?!

We did exactly this, actually went abroad to get married with just two witnesses - my MIL was livid (and 12 yrs on still hasn't properly forgiven me) but actually she was a large part of the reason why we did it. We wanted a small wedding yet she presented us with a guest list of 40 of her friends which she demanded we invited Hmm, expected my parents to pay (outdated crap), expected us to get married in a church (we're both atheists), etc, etc. Enough was eventually enough and we cancelled the wedding we'd planned and had an amazing day abroad, with a party for family and friends on our return.

It's your wedding, your day, do what you like - within reason!

Loriens · 12/07/2012 08:55

Noqontrol- this sounds the same as my wedding, right down to the red dress :)

OP - I can only echo other comments. A wedding should be about you and your DP. However, you mentioned that your DP thinks that you are 'mad' so he may want some of the 'tradition'. Mixing elements of traditional with quirky may be a happy compromise on both parts.

My DH and I had been together for ten years before we married as we just never felt the 'need'. Out of the blue we discussed it and that was it - we married four months later much to the shock our families.

The only factor for us was that we made it as easy for our guests to attend as possible. We chose to marry two days before Christmas so we wanted to put as little pressure on our guests as we could. We had a simple ceremony/meal/stay at a hotel followed three days later by a party for extended family and friends at our home. My cousin and I cooked for 80 but I loved every second of it.

We were lucky enough to have a healthy budget so we used that to provide all the transport and accommodation for our guests. I made a lot of things including gifts for our guests (it was Christmas!) and we kept it very 'homely' but I think that reflected us as a couple and as a family.

Wishing you every success in a happy marriage.

Iburntthecakes · 12/07/2012 09:30

YANBU
I hated my very traditional wedding (but the marriage in general turned out to be a mistake so not entirely surprising Grin).

I spent a fair amount of planning time feeling jealous of a friend who hired out a small house in Scotland with her immediate family only and got married there during the weekend.

The best wedding I went to was in a restaurant. The couple are both foodies and it was entirely appropriate to them. We all chatted around canapes, sat down to eat the starter, the ceremony took place before the main course and the speeches during dessert. It was perfect (and delicious).

Other good weddings include the one where everyone came in fancy dress - considerably less expensive than buying a new outfit and the photos were great. Also the one where it was meant to be the engagement party but when everyone arrived so did the registrar. Stopped a lot of planning angst from inlaws and parents and yet they were all there.

wibbleweed · 12/07/2012 10:11

We did it 'our' way and it was great! Got married at our local church - wore a monsoon off the peg dress and had two bridesmaids who wore what they wanted. No special car - up in Dad's normal car and walked back (only 5 mins). 'Reception' as it were for 40 or so was in our tiny garden of our 2 up 2 down... got lots of canape type stuff from M&S and a shed load of cava... One minute speeches just from DH and my Dad from our roof terrace. Nothing more. Just fun... Then onwards to our local pub (10 doors down) - hired the function room for £30 and laid on bowls of chips for everyone. Plenty of dancing to a compilation we'd put onto a minidisc (dates us!).

A great time was had by all -the whole thing came in at considerably under £1000. And not one of those hotel/reception venue type pink chairs with the gold edges in sight!

Don't be pressured by anyone to conform. Do it your way and have a great day :)

EldritchCleavage · 12/07/2012 12:23

We sat down and discussed what we really wanted and didn't want. We were both relieved to be able to drop a lot of the traditional stuff. I would start by making a list with your DP of all your wedding likes and dislikes, then go from there.

You don't need to have an evening do at all. We just had a restaurant lunch and that was it. My sister's favourite wedding experience was in a friend's back garden with a hog roast and all the children larking around on the grass.

CakeBump · 12/07/2012 12:26

YANBU at all!

We're getting married in 2 weeks (argh!). We're having a registry ceremony at 11am, then lunch for 16 at a nice restaurant in the countryside. Hoping to be all done by 5pm.

(Cheating slightly as parents are giving us a massive party the next day, but the important bit is small and - I hope - meaningful).

:)

eurochick · 12/07/2012 12:34

I felt the same, OP. We ditched a lot of the traditions we didn't see the point of - bridesmaids, best men, speeches, favours, first dance, readings, long line top table for the wedding party. So it looked quite like a traditional wedding (ceremony followed by drinks and food and dancing, with me in a white frock and him in a suit) but we just didn't bother with the parts of the day that wouldn't mean anything to us.

ipswichwitch · 12/07/2012 12:41

we're getting married this october, and are having a small registry office do at 3 with afternoon tea at local hotel after. we are only having 30 guests as we are both not keen on being centre of attention and saying vows in front of tons of people. there is no evening do as we simply cant afford it, so we are asking our guests to join us for a drink in the town after. there are no bridesmaids/best men/speeches/cars/first dance type things. however i have got a fab dress and an even fabber cake :) (yes this is where my priorities lie!!)

poppy283 · 12/07/2012 13:50

I'm going to be planning one if these for next year, dp and I have been together 9 years, have a Dd and ds will be born next month.

My thoughts are registry office, then some sort of afternoon do with a vegetarian buffet, very relaxed and child friendly, then perhapsa meal just the 2 of us in the evening.

I'd like a white but not weddingy dress and a simple gold band each. Easy peasy (i hope)!

Some great ideas on this thread, thank you for starting it op. So glad it's acceptable to not gave an evening reception.

Congrats and good luck!