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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be seething at the young mum bashing on the Wright Stuff?

72 replies

lastnerve · 11/07/2012 10:39

Argh, yes they all sit in front of TV eating pizza, the babies simply levitate out of their cots and feed,change and tend to themselves Angry

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Moominsarescary · 11/07/2012 17:11

chando that's ok then, as they wont be relying on the state who gives a shite if they make good parents or not.

lastnerve · 11/07/2012 23:51

LOL there are plenty children in the care system /dysfunctional families in the middle class old category.

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TroublesomeEx · 12/07/2012 06:52

psammead It's all a bit unfair when young, working class pregnant women are seen as society's scum, whereas slightly older, middle class preggos are people to be respected and pampered I agree. I think it's more than that though, people assume that middle class teens don't get pregnant. They do, it's just a lot less obvious.

My mother's neighbours daughter is one such case but her parents built an annexe for her and the baby to live in - so she's not on the housing waiting list. She isn't attending parenting classes and she isn't committing any of the MN parenting faux pas because she had a good upbringing herself, she just became pregnant in her teens. I think her child is about 7 now and they still live there. She also has another child and is still living there on her own. It's less obvious because she and the children are dressed nicely, she doesn't draw attention to herself because of her conduct and to any passerby she looks like a lovely young mum out with her delightful children. I don't know if she works, her sister went to university.

People worry about young (and lets be fair it's not the 'working class' people are bothered about it's the 'benefit class') unemployed, uneducated mothers because they hand wring and worry about an epidemic, they worry about the cost to the state, they worry they will 'breed' (to use a MW favourite!) every year between now and the menopause. They worry about the pressure on the state of any children those children will have in terms of the additional 'interventions' a lot of these families require.

lastnerve is right, there are an incredible number of dysfunctional middle class families but due to 'keeping up appearances' they are less obvious because their lives tend to play out less publicly - they want to be seen as decent and respectable by their neighbours and by the school so it all happens behind closed doors.

Greatauntirene · 12/07/2012 09:26

Sorry, but I believe what the stats say about children of teens not doing as well or children without fathers.

Doesn't matter how many examples of bad middle class people or wonderful young mums posters come up with runs for cover keeping head down

lastnerve · 12/07/2012 10:41

Children without fathers is a red herring too

Children with abusive fathers within a nuclear family are more likely to be dysfunctional.

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LolaThePregnantFlyola · 12/07/2012 12:42

I agree with greataunt and i am 19 with a 19 month old, i am of very few i know who isn't on any benefits at all and who is in a stable relationship that hasn't wavered. i believe that my parenting is very different because of the fact we have a different lifestyle to other parents our age. i also agree with folkgirl about the woman she mentioned, we rent our own home, are well educated(hate writing that) dress in nice clothes(that sounds ridiculous) and because we live very much the life of 30 year old's in the same situation we have not met criticism, i know there are lots of family's our age like us there must be, but it certainly feels like were a rarity.

LolaThePregnantFlyola · 12/07/2012 12:52

i suppose what i mean is that because we pay our own way and do everything ourselves without help, it makes us behave more like other people doing the same meaning everyone else just looks at us and thinks - happy young family out for a day at the park,museum,zoo whatever. We have the same worries and enjoyments as people the normal age for parenthood- find the same jokes about silly things funny because we get them- that makes us part of the 'group'. when some people are on a different wavelength altogether they are on benefits, in a council flat speak differently it wrongly gives an impression to lots of people and i think that most of all that's to themselves. It's probably just about personality and circumstance though and that's all a load of tosh- i may well have been the same as everyone else if i thought differently and Dp wasn't in a well paid job.

lastnerve · 12/07/2012 12:57

I agree Lola but there are many older women who have children out of lets say one night stands but work so no-one passes comment but then harks on about the morality or lack of teen mothers and its often older women who drink when pregnant.

I was in an antenatal class when I was expecting DC1 I was 19, there was a woman in her 30's who said her babies dad could be one of 2 , and the women all sat there and cooed and showed support. I nearly erupted molten lava all over the woman had that been me I'd be vilified. I am still with the same man both my kids are his.

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LolaThePregnantFlyola · 12/07/2012 14:03

yes last nerve i see that side of it, i really do i think though that as long as some young mothers carry on being a stereotype (and there are plenty) people will have that stuck in their head so say there is a list of 20 things that are stereotypical- and then a young mum is just one of those things on that list people connect them. where if it were a middle aged woman you wouldn't connect that same thing because it was in a different situation- Young mum drinking at a party whilst pregnant or older mum having wine at home- one is more likely to be labelled. It's the situations that make the biggest difference and if you/partner work pay your way your more likely to be in the second type of situation, because you don't go to the party, because you think like your average adult. so sorry about lack of paragraphs enter button is playing up.

TroublesomeEx · 12/07/2012 14:18

Spot on Lola!

e

TroublesomeEx · 12/07/2012 14:19

no idea what that e is all about!

Socknickingpixie · 12/07/2012 14:52

i often wonder how anybody knows from looking at you what your money suituation is, how they know if your on benefits or not irrispective of your age?

many years ago in the post office i was with my child and 2 friends children a woman in front of me in the que very loudly said to her friend "jesus those kids have all got different dads its discusting what the world is coming to benefit scum" as she walked past me she actually muttered "slag" at me.

i have never fogotten that or how most people there didnt even react other than to scowl at me.
granted the kids were close in age yes all 3 were different colours but as i got back into my aston martin i was able to calm down about it as they were both stood there mouths agape.

but its made me very very aware of things like that, now if i heard it i would challenge attitudes like that

Chandon · 12/07/2012 17:17

3 kids in an Aston Martin Confused

Hownoobrooncoo · 12/07/2012 17:21

But they are just little Kids.

Hownoobrooncoo · 12/07/2012 17:21

And they probably thought she was a drug dealer.

Socknickingpixie · 12/07/2012 17:24

it was a 4 seater one of the old ones(and back in the days when you just had backless boaster seats for over 3yo's) apparently at one time it was the fastest 4 seater in the world,but it was my project car and i would have always been to boring to drive it fast.
for what its worth i also used to drive my daughter around in a lotus and get lots of funny looks when we used disabled bays (shes a blue badge holder as am i and another one of my children)

Socknickingpixie · 12/07/2012 17:27

dont be silly drug dealers drive bmw's everybody knows that Grin

albertcamus · 12/07/2012 17:32

Psalm It's all a bit unfair when young, working class pregnant women are seen as society's scum, whereas slightly older, middle class preggos are people to be respected and pampered

I much prefer the offspring of young WC women in my classroom to the MC brigade. The former are usually encouraged to work hard & their mums want them to do well. The latter are quite often entitled, spoilt & brattish (and often more inclined to slapper phases at 13) I think you might remember where I teach !

albertcamus · 12/07/2012 17:33

Sock they have BMW for night, it's a blacked out Range Rover by day in our area !

LolaThePregnantFlyola · 12/07/2012 17:37

your a teacher and you just said ''more inclined to slapper phases at 13''

What a vial way to talk about children.

Socknickingpixie · 12/07/2012 17:38

albert thats a very sensable option after all it helps with being covert.

i once got some paracetamol dropped to my house by a skateboard riding 13yo (i had run out her mum sent her round with it as i had a banging headache but can i pretend she was dealing)

lastnerve · 12/07/2012 18:32

tbh there are a lot of 'Chavvy' people who work, you can't really tell by someones behaviour whether or not they are on benefits.

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