to think if a GrandParent offers to take GChild they should pay?

[inchoccyheaven]

My DM and her H offered to take DS2 to cinema so all is arranged and she mentioned she had got orange weds for herself and her H but there was a slight pause and no mention about paying for DS2 ticket. So I asked if I should give him some money for snacks and she said yes.

Now I know in the great scheme of things this is very trivial but I thought that if you offer to take someone especially a child then you pay for the whole outing.

I did ask her if she could look after ds2 while ds1 had a sporting event recently and I gave her money in case she wanted to take him out for lunch which she took and bought him food for tea instead as she fed him at home at lunch time. (Wasn't needed as I picked him up at 4.30pm ) Not got a problem with that although again I was a bit surprised that she did.

I would never accept money for taking a child relative out if it was my own choice and same with dc friends.

So aibu to be a bit miffed that she can't treat her gc?

DC are 12 and nearly 10.

" We used to be extremely close ( before dc) but eventually I took off the rose tinted glasses I wore that excused some of the things she had done"

Well, that sounds to me as if your relationship changed because of HER actions, not yours. Yes, your perceptions of (and therefore your reactions to) these actions changed; but that's inevitable as you grow up. You start to see the shades of grey, and question things that you accepted as 'just the way it is' when you were younger. What was once an eternal truth you can later see to be just someone's opinion.

So don't be so sure that it's your fault she treats them differently. That's a choice she's making all on her own.

And FWIW, it's not just financially mean for her to expect you to pay your DC's cinema entrance, it's emotionally mean as well.

That's good to hear as i was very U of her to ask you for his ticket money. For some strange reason it looks like she wantedto see if you would offer? The fact she favours your sister's dc over yours though is so wrong.

Ah, cross-post (note to self - refresh pages before you start posting).

Maybe she changed her mind because she realised she was being mean? (In both senses.)

My PIL are the same.
At the fireworks:
"DS would you like one of those glowstick swords?"
"Yes please!"
"Ask mummy for some money"

ERM WHAT?????!???

I wrote it off until:
At the park:
"Do you want a peppa pig balloon?"
"Yes please!"
"Boomy and DP, i'm going for a cig, get DS a balloon"

If we meet up with my PsIL in a pub for lunch, we always pay. It doesn't stop MIL from moaning about the food.

They think we can afford it, better than them, so would never consider offering to pay.

I think that's weird, but we accept it, as otherwise our DC and my DH wouldn't get to see them as often.

Boomy that's terrible and I know that she wouldn't do that thankfully.

I am hoping she realised that it was mean and I think next time I will just send him with snacks and see if anything is said.

The weird thing is she always says that she would give someone her last penny if they needed it whereas I make sure I am ok first before lending money, implying that I am tight. She has always had problems with money and overspending but I think they are getting themselves sorted now because of things she has said which I am pleased about.

Our relationship is complicated because of the past but we are both making an effort and I think she realises I am more willing to stick up for myself now. I am happy that she is making more of an effort with my dc though as my GP were big part of my life when alive.

Thanks for not flaming me

We have the complete opposite problem with my MIL, she'll try and pay for everything even when we've invited her out. For us it's just one extra adult to pay for, but for her it's a whole family and I know she can't really afford that. She doesn't see us much, she's busy working and we're busy so I think she tries to compensate by paying for meals out, but we don't need to be compensated. It's just nice getting together.

Err, opposite problem to HandMadeTail.

Glad to hear you got things sorted with the parents choccy. I think it's a pretty common social convention, you invite a child out with you then you pay for them.