To think she could have offered some money back

[crazedupmom]

Ds aged 11 recently went on a sun holiday with a friend from school and I offered £40 to the mates mother to cover a meal a day although she said she wasn,t too fussed.
Ds also went with £90 pocket money.
It was for a monday to friday stay.
Anyway ds is a bit of a anxious sort long story and it was a question of whether he would settle with them whilst on holiday.
We did end up collecting ds on the tuesday evening and I sort of thought that I would have been offered at least half of my 40 back.
The time they was there from what I can see ds and his mate spent all of their time in the arcade where ds managed to spend £40 of his pocket money ds also tells me that he spent at least half of this on his mate down the arcade as his mom had only given him a couple of pound.
I had told her to just give ds a tenner at a time but she let them both go off with ds carrying £90 in his wallet.
What do you think am I been mean or do I have a point.

I doubt she paid for him on that basis though!

All you would pay for an extra child would be the club pass thingy.

As I said I wouldn't quibble over it but I don't think this family have lost any £ by the OPs son being there at all.

24 hours he was there!

Am I the only one that thinks that this has nothing to do with how your DS spent his spending money and more to do with the fact she took £40 off you for feeding him but only had him two days?! If so you're not being unreasonable.

You're not Glassofrose.

The spending money isn't really the issue. Even though the fact he had so much means he wouldve been less of a financial 'burden' anyway.

There's no way it should have cost the mum £40 to feed the OP's DC til Tuesday. Even if she had bought all the shopping having none left implies that actually the mum used OP's money to feed her family...

Hypothetically, If I invited my child's friend on holiday with my family I wouldn't expect any money... and if I was given it they'd either get it back or the child would get it.

Did the other mum ask the OP to come and get him? Or did OP just decide to go and get him?

I would guess by the fact the OP said she "collected" him on Tuesday that she must have been asked to... unless she's telepathic

It says nowhere in the OP's post that the family weren't warned?

Does the family deserve £40 quid for being inconvenienced?

Plenty of children are anxious staying with other families.

YABU - she probably spend what ever was left of the £40 pacifying her no doubt disappointed son.

She may have already bought the food anyway so its not really her fault your DS wanted to go home.

My DS is going on holiday with his mate for a week, I will be giving the mum £100 to cover his expenses/food etc....whether she was fussed or not I dont think £40 was much money to give her for five days anyway so on that basis you are being U to exect some of it back.

Its not really £40 though its £130. She wouldn't be paying for most of holiday expenses out of the £40 it would be covered by the £90 spends.

Warned / Not warned what difference does it make. Anybody who takes offence, feels inconvenienced or gets the ump with a child for wanting to go home obviously isn't very child friendly...

So what if she bought the kiddo ice creams drinks and lunches, she invited him to come? Who invites someone if they begrudge spending a bit of money on a bloody ice cream? Especially when you have the cheek to front that you didn't even want money to contribute.

I don;t think the pocket money is relevant. Yes you asked the mum to give ds money each day, but maybe ds refused to give up the wallet? If you wanted the pocket money handed out each day, then giving the wallet direct to the mum would have been better.

I think if i had been the mum, i would have offered £20 back and probably expected you to have said no its fine, thanks for taking him. At the same time i wouldnt have been offended if you had have taken it back.

I do think the mum was being a bit unreasonable to call you and ask you to come and collect him after 24 hours, unless his behaviour was extremley unmanagable, but then I would't have said he was homesick, but that he was disruptive. Most children away from home will feel some degree of homesickness in the first 24/48 hours, so she was bu to call you to collect so soon.

The £90 was the DS's pocket money so yes, she gave the mum just £40 to cover expenses...not a lot at all!

YABU.
As others have said, she could have done a big shop on the first day, buying drinks/ treats/ cereal/ fruit/ milk whatever, to stock up the cupboards, and spent the £40 then.
She had no idea your son was going to leave the following day and leave all that food uneaten.

Also, there's transport to take into account - petrol costs aren't cheap - but the fact that not only did she volunteer to take your son on holiday in the first place, but then had to deal with a huge disruption, and possibly upset from her own son, by him wanting to go home early.

I certainly wouldn't be quibbling over the £20 and, as others have suggested, would be sending her a bouquet to say thank you. It's possible that your son ruined their family holiday by insisting on going home early.

As for the £90 spending money, that's absolutely ridiculous, and I can completely see why she didn't take it off him and dole it out, a tenner at a time. She'd have had to give her child the same, which she could probably ill afford to do, with it being such an obscene amount of money for an 11-year-old to have for the week. But perhaps she was also distracted, and was too busy making beds, unpacking shopping and doing all the other jobs - jobs that were added to by your son's presence, as well - to even think about asking him for his pocket money.

Also, I know the pocket money isn't really the issue, but think about how you'll look if you do suggest you should get £20 back. You're wealthy enough to give your son £90 to fritter away on ice cream and arcade machines, but then start making a fuss over twenty quid on food? I think you'd come across as being extremely mean, and could forget about your son ever being asked to go away with this friend again.

Sorry, I should add that I read the post as the OP's son wanting to leave early because he didn't settle.
Of course if the other family had asked him to leave because he was being disruptive or whatever, that does put a slightly different complexion upon things - but I still wouldn't have expected any of the £40 back.
Forty quid isn't much to care for a child for five days anyway, even if that was only supposed to cover transport and food.

It all sounds a bit disorganised, tbh and I suspect that the whole holiday has been disrupted by various elements. Starting with the arrival of the OP's ds bearing £90 which, in anyone's books, is a heck of a lot of pocket money for a week and a sum that's very unlikely to be available to his friend. Hence I'm not surprised that they both spent quite a lot in the arcades and most of it came from the OP's son's wallet.

On the other hand, £40 is very little for food and I also think it likely that the OP's friend had invested that in whatever supplies had already been bought. So to expect a proportion back is probably U.

I don't see where the OP was asked to come and collect her son but clearly, his astonishingly early departure must have come as a bit of a surprise since at 11, he ought to be able to manage to be away from home for a brief holiday. If this was always an unlikely achievement then really, it'd have been better not to send him in the first place. I'd also have waited 48 hours to see if the initial (and not unusual) homesickness passed. To go and get him quite so quickly tends to reinforce any unwillingness to be away from home too.

OP I wouldn't ask for it back, you're not likely to get it and it probably would cause a rift between you. Not worth risking for the sake of your child's friendship

Just bare in mind the mum was obviously didn't mean it when she said she wasn't bothered about you contributing money.

The other mother was not fussed about being given money for food, which suggests she was happy to take the boy and pay for things. If I were her I would be horrified at the amount of pocket money, as my child would not get anywhere near that, and would feel tempted to treat mine the same, although like her I would not.

Your son should only be given such a large amount of spends if he is mature enough to spend it wisely. He chose to spend it on his friend, which is nice I think, and should be encouraged.

I would have given spends for the lady to treat both boys with either activities or food like icecream.

YABU. Just put it down to experience, and treasure this friendship.

YABU. You gave your son £90 for five days. He spent £40 over two days. Sounds about right.

The boy left after two days by choice.
If op had to get a flight home from abroad midway through a holiday because he wasn't enjoying himself, would she expect the travel company to recompense her? Or even care? Don't think so.

I see this as two seperate issues.

You were happy for your son to spend £90 while on holiday. So surely it does not matter when on the holiday he spent it. Would you have been pissed off if he had saved it all until the Friday and spent it in one go on his last day?

You offered the £40 food money to the mother. She didn't ask for it, she said she wasn't too fussed. You gave it anyway so she budgeted accordingly. Maybe nice ice creams were bought, drinks, treats etc which would not have been bought if it were not for this money. If it had already been spent, did you expect the money back and the food to be wasted? Or individual portions of the food? You gave this generously and it was used as the extra treat money it was.

YABU

wanda thank you i get it now, so compleatly understand that post.

i probally wouldnt make an issue over it because whats done is done it cant be undone and tbh would be concerned i would come across as strange if i did turn it into a issue.