Would this be really petty?

[Gettheetoanunnery]

My mum has a history over the past few years of not sending birthday cards and presents on time for the children in the family, she forgot my last birthday altogether and now is nearly a month late with ds's birthday present and hasn't been to see him yet. She lives a short bus ride away so no excuse really. She is on the dole and likes to use this as an excuse for not buying me and my sister a "proper" present, last year we got a lush bubble bar each, year before I got the money she owed me back in morrisons vouchers.
I don't really care about the presents though, although a little more thought would be nice.

Anyway, it's her birthday coming up this week and so far I've put off getting her anything as I just don't feel it's fair that I put all the effort into her and get nothing back.
Would it be very very petty to "forget" it's her birthday?

Very petty.

Yes.

Yes it would be petty to "forget". Not petty to downgrade to a token gift

Nah do it. Forgetting your child/grandchild's birthday is pretty selfish.

Utterly petty, at least she remains consistent, just don't put much effort in this time.

very petty to forget but i would just get her a card, but then again im a bitch!

thought costs nothing, she could spend 50p on you and get you your fav choc bar that to me would be thoughtfull,

forget.

Buy her a Body Shop soap bar.

No, I don't think you are being petty.

It depends. There's not much spare money on the dole. Does she treat herself? I'd be pissed off if she was having a bottle of wine on my birthday but not sending a card, but if she's really struggling to manage and phones to wish you a happy birthday and stays on for a nice chat then I think that's okay.

If she's like me she will probably sigh a huge breath of relief that you are all dropping the whole silly birthdays nonsense.

Perhaps her circumstances have changed and she can't afford it any more. After all, it's not an essential to buy presents and cards, is it?

It doesn't seem like you have a very good relationship with your mum.

I am surprised you still expect presents from your mum when you have your own children, especially since she is not working and probably doesn't have much money.

Have you visited her? As she is only a bus ride from you as well.

er yes, you don't give to receive.

TBH though if she hasn't even rang or contacted DS about his birthday then I would be inclined to just send her a text - a simple happy birthday.

It's not about the presents but more the sentiment.

Hard one though because it can be seen as if your lowering yourself to her standards.

I'd not be bothered about the present aspect, esp with her financial situation, but a card on time would be nice.

Very petty. Understandable, but don't.

Some people just don't care about birthdays. I don't.

And would be perfectly happy to never receive a card again. What is the actual point?

YABU.

Forgetting people's birthday's is kind of inconsiderate. Complaining because your mother who is on the dole got you a token present makes you sound v. spoilt.

Why don't you call her a week in advance of the next one of your DC's birthday and remind her? This is polite and will underline how important it is to you and DC.

I do go to see her and if she comes here I will normally pay for a taxi back home, whilst also treating her to lunch most of the time. She has no mortgage and minimal bills and a full years notice that birthdays/Christmas is approaching. She also has no other family to buy for.

I don't expect a gift but I do expect at least a card to be sent on time, or a sorry if it's not. I do expect my son to receive something as well, even if it is a toy/book from a charity shop.

I have had a very uneasy relationship with her, to much to go into now but she has never been a good mum, always put herself first.

Her excuse for not coming to see ds on his birthday was because it was raining...

I'm not fussed about the presents for myself lala, I've already said that. I'm just fed up of constantly putting in the effort to make sure she's ok, got meals in etc. treating her to days out even though she spends the whole day complaining and ignoring ds.
I'd just like her to do something to show she cares tbh

I don't think it's petty not to acknowledge her birthday, it's taking the hint from her that she doesn't want to do birthdays.

There is no way I would get my dc to wish their Granny a happy Birthday if she couldn't be bothered to do the same for them. It woudo be like telling them that it's nice to do birthdays for family but their Granny doesn't think they are worth the effort. It woudo highlight to them that they have missed out, even if they don't say anything.

Send a Tesco value card.