Would this be really petty?

[Gettheetoanunnery]

My mum has a history over the past few years of not sending birthday cards and presents on time for the children in the family, she forgot my last birthday altogether and now is nearly a month late with ds's birthday present and hasn't been to see him yet. She lives a short bus ride away so no excuse really. She is on the dole and likes to use this as an excuse for not buying me and my sister a "proper" present, last year we got a lush bubble bar each, year before I got the money she owed me back in morrisons vouchers.
I don't really care about the presents though, although a little more thought would be nice.

Anyway, it's her birthday coming up this week and so far I've put off getting her anything as I just don't feel it's fair that I put all the effort into her and get nothing back.
Would it be very very petty to "forget" it's her birthday?

Spell it out how you feel and what the problem is, otherwise eventualy your son is going to be old enough to be caught up in this mess and will be effected by it.

Unless you want to show him that this is how famlies should behave towards each other.

Personally i don't want or expect a present from my mother, who lives on a pension. I think my eldest (26) is disgraceful for critcising the £10 she gets off her, she is an adult (which i tell her).

Your mother is how she is, you are avoiding the real problem by focusing on this issue.

Yes it would be very petty. Get her a card a token present and give it to her on time. Giving into petty impulses won't make you feel great about yourself, at least this way you know your actions are something to be proud of.

I do understand why your upset, my dad hasn't sent anything for DD's birthday today (or phoned to say happy birthday or anything) and does the same with his other grandchildren every year. I send him a card and a present despite this because I don't want his crappy behaviour to dictate my actions.

Ok, now you have dripfed it is perfectly clear you aren't spoiled OP.

You go to all the effort of making sure your own mother has enough food and still she isn't grateful?

Very petty don't lower yourself. Get her a card and an inexpensive but thoughtful present.

So aside from your DC your DM also has to buy for you whilst surviving on benefits (and having to rely on help from you with groceries etc).

I agree it's not fair that she missed your DS's birthday and I would be pulling her up on it but personally I wouldn't want her to spend the little money she does have on me.

I have a rule that if you (and that can be anyone friends, parents, siblings) buy for my DC then you don't buy for me as well. I don't need or want anything so it would be a present for the sake of a present. I am happy with a card.

Maybe you should suggest this to your DM and DS. Not having to buy presents for the adults could mean she doesn't have to rely on you for groceries.

How old are you? 12?

More importantly, would it change anything? Is so for the better or worse?

Get your children to create a card for her and send it second class. That way you have acknowledged her birthday and it was 'specially made' for her. No need for a present as she obviously doesn't think they are important.

just send a card. My mum gets me a card but no present and I get her a card and a present just because I want to.

^She is on the dole and likes to use this as an excuse for not buying me and my sister a "proper" present, last year we got a lush bubble bar each, year before I got the money she owed me back in morrisons vouchers.
I don't really care about the presents though, although a little more thought would be nice^

Yeah my mum is on a pension and the bitch uses that as an excuse too.

Sorry but you sound really grabby, I had sympathy about her not sending your son a card up until the bit above.

She's your mum.....do you love her and have a good relationship with her?? If you do then dont be so bloody petty, get her a card with nice wording in it and shove a fiver in it.

Ok ok, I'm BU. I'll send her a card and pop round on the day.

For the record, she can afford to buy her own food, she just wastes it on alcohol and fags. Maybe you've got to know her to realise what an ungrateful woman she is. Don't want to drip feed so I'll leave it at that.
And thanks for your opinions I forgot how scary AIBU can be