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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my MIL feed my child rubbish

31 replies

bananananana · 10/07/2012 15:56

I have a 1 year old, my in-laws see her regularly with me or my DH. My MIL wants DD for the day, all to herself.

My problem with this is she will feed her crap. She buys 'meat' by the carrier-bag load from a man who sits in his car outside the local pub all day with it in his boot. She has cupboards full of crisps and sweets and junk and tries to force it down my DD when we visit, she filled her bottle with fizzy pop when she was 6months old!! They live on takeaways and fast food. I have know them for 7 years and have never sighted a fruit or vegetable in their home.

When DD is older I won't mind her eating the occasional junk meal or naughty snack, but I don't want my one year old being fed McDonald's and chocolate.

So AIBU to not allow her to spend the day there? Or to send a packed lunch/dinner?

OP posts:
Original poster
bananananana · 10/07/2012 15:57

Also if I let her go there once it will become a regular thing, so it's not a case of 'one bad day won't hurt.'

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/07/2012 16:00

YANBU - it's up to you what you want DD to eat...send her with her packed lunch, be firm with your boundaries and if they go against your wishes just say you cant send her again.....will they take notice of you or are they likely to ignore you?

TobyLerone · 10/07/2012 16:01

How would you know if they feed her crap? Setting down rules/sending her with a packed lunch is just asking for them to be sneaky with it instead.

drcrab · 10/07/2012 16:07

no YANBU - my inlaws are somewhat similar. They had my step nephew for the day (they do have him quite frequently) and when it was lunch time (and we were all out together) I walked into the cafe/restaurant to get a table for all of us to have lunch (PILs, nephew, DH, me, 2 kids) and they declined saying, oh we had a late breakfast. ok then, surely nephew (who was 4 at that time) needs to eat? Oh don't worry, he's had a bag of crisps. After lunch, I saw him swigging a bottle of coke. Shock

Original poster
bananananana · 10/07/2012 16:17

They won't take any notice if I explain I want her to eat healthily, but if I send a packed lunch 'for their convenience' they will feed it to her rather than paying for a takeaway or microwaving a frozen whatever.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way, I thought I might be being a bit precious!

OP posts:
LaQueen · 10/07/2012 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/07/2012 16:19

No of course you're not being precious....it's just shame to not let her go round there if there is an easy solution. Good for her to have a close relationship with her GP's and also nice if you get a break here and there. Just make sure you send her with a packed lunch.

WorraLiberty · 10/07/2012 16:21

YANBU

But please don't refer to any kind of snack as 'naughty'

It's not, it's just a snack.

Sassybeast · 10/07/2012 16:22

If she's going to have her all day, then YANBU to send a packed lunch and expect that she has that.

For other visits, the only thing I would have a problem with is the meat - wtf is that all about? My kids know that they get sweets etc when they go to grandparents - they live for the fact that they also get the odd fruit shoot there!
If generally, she eats pretty healthy food, I think you have to learn to let go a bit. She'll be going to birthday parties and friends houses and you can't control everything she eats then.

holyfishnets · 10/07/2012 16:23

Have a heart to heart. Be honest and say you don't want to send her as you think she will feed child junk. If she promises not to, agree to think about it and over the next few weeks quietly observe MIL when you visit and see if she curbs her junk food pushing. If she managed not to push the junk food in your presence, allow her to have child with a lunch bag made by you. Of she can't curb her junk food pushing, highlight what she is doing and why you won't allow MIL to look after child. It really is a trust issue.

You could also explain that if MIL really loves child, she will want her to be healthy and will not want to put crap in her body.

Take to openly calling sweets/crisps etc unhealthy rubbish. Not in a nasty way, but factually. MIL thinks of them as special treats

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/07/2012 16:25

Take to openly calling sweets/crisps etc unhealthy rubbish - I really wouldnt recommend that unless you want to give your DD food issues..she is going to come across these food groups in her life and in moderation they are fine! Remember, everyone wants the forbidden fruit...ban these foods totally and she will want them so much more. They are treats, not the devils food.

PineappleBed · 10/07/2012 16:25

YANBU!

Jux · 10/07/2012 18:49

I wouldn't let dd go to grandma's until she was 2 1/2 and able to say she was hungry, as gm ended not to feed her at all when she was babysitting at our place, and all the food was there ready.

usualsuspect · 10/07/2012 18:53

I'm sure she will survive for one day eating junk.

CheerfulYank · 10/07/2012 19:01

I would send her with some healthy things, but other than that...even if it's once a month I'd probably just let it go.

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2012 19:06

Junk (crisps, chocolate), is one thing, dodgy meat and fizz for a 1 year-old is another.
And she clearly isn't going to take any notice of a packed lunch or restrictions.

So I would explain very clearly why it's not going to happen.

waterwatereverywhere · 10/07/2012 19:16

It's very hard when GP's, in particular PIL, have a different view on what foods are acceptable for a child. It's difficult to put it in such a way that they don't feel as though you are judging their adult choices (be they right or wrong)

I have similar with my MIL - she would always arrive for a visit with chocolate, biscuits etc and would offer my DC's chocolate and fruit shoots from when they were very young. After 3 years of me saying "oh no, I'm mean and don't allow them xyz" she has given up and now offers a plain biscuit and cup of squash - still not ideal in my opinion but far better.

That said, I would still be very reluctant for them to have them for a full day as I think they would take that as free rein to 'spoil' them. And while that is a GP's right its not something I want them to come to expect every time they visit.

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 19:21

don't let her go alone. take her, and take suitable food with you. this is very important, you aren't being fussy, it's your child's health. buying meat kept in insanitary conditions puts lives at risk.

HuggyPomBear · 10/07/2012 19:22

YANBU, my mum let my DD try marsala the other day....

HuggyPomBear · 10/07/2012 19:23

For clarity as of course you don't know...my DD is 20 months old.

kotinka · 10/07/2012 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonBreeland · 10/07/2012 20:34

YANBU. My MIL cooks everything with a pound of salt in it and therefore when my DC are young I will not let them eat her food. She thinks it is just me being a fusspot and it never did them any harm. But, she is will go along with me and feed the food I send for DD.

My DSes are now 4 and 8 and I hate the amount of crap she feeds them, but it's not that often and I can't be bothered to argue about it.

I remember her thinking I was cruel when DS1 had water in his cup as a baby and toddler. She always gives them fizzy drinks.

kotinka · 10/07/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zookeeper · 10/07/2012 20:45

I can see it's annoying but tbh if someone offered to have my dcs once a week as long as they didn't feed them arsenic I would be happy.

Could you send her with a box of chopped up fruit so at least you know she's getting something healthy to eat?

Mrsjay · 10/07/2012 21:14

YANBU at all my MIl was like this her idea of fruit was a toffee apple Hmm I used to buy her stuff for dds Im not a huge healthfreak but she would feed dd1 chips and greasy food every week , apart from that she was a fab grandma, I just used to put bits and pieces in a bag for DD to eat ,

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