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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be this annoyed with a 3 year old?

39 replies

twolittlemonkeys · 10/07/2012 15:03

Am looking after friend's 3 year old DS. He plays happily with my 4 year old most of the time but constantly messes the place up - pulls all the DVDs out the cupboard, empties games belonging to DS1 all over the floor (went upstairs into DS1's room to find them). Now my 4 yo will tidy up when asked. Friend's DS will not - just says 'no' or 'I can't' - now I'm not asking big things just 'Please can you put the cushions back on the sofa' or the dvds back on the shelf but he just constantly pulls everything out and will not help tidy up, even when my DS is putting things away and showing him what to do.

Lunchtime I asked what he wanted and he said a cheese sandwich so I made him one (just with ordinary white cheddar) then he said I don't like cheese. Ate the bread roll then asked for another - gave him another and he ate a tiny nibble and left the rest (did the same yesterday). Annoying as I was reluctant to give another bread roll as it means I haven't got any left for DS1's packed lunch tomorrow.

He persistently uses the sofa as a trampoline which my boys know not to do and I've firmly told him a few times that we don't jump on it. With 2 boys (one of whom has ASD) my house is normally fairly messy but the increased stress of an extra LO is making me feel like I'm going to explode...

I've got this child with me all week and he's driving me batty and we're only on day 2! I'm being unreasonable to be so bothered aren't I?

OP posts:

rainydaysarebad · 10/07/2012 15:05

Other peoples children are always annoying. Yanbu. Good luck.

axure · 10/07/2012 15:10

YABU he's 3, you're in charge why are you letting him run rings round you? Why did you offer to look after him?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/07/2012 15:10

YANBU but lessons learned hey...tomorrow when he asks for another bread roll say no! Just keep be firm with him on the jumping on sofa issue........sounds like he doesnt get much discipline at home, not his fault really.

Good luck and I hope you are still sane at the end of the week.

Just remember kids are like farts...you can only tolerate your own

GrahamTribe · 10/07/2012 15:10

No. Take him back to his mother and/or father and tell them that until their child can behave better you can't care for him. He might be small and sure, kids will never do as they're told all the time, they'll discard food often and say no occasionally but three is old enough to understand that you don't jump on the sofa - that behaviour's the one which makes me suspect that he's allowed to do it at home and that the parents have a different idea of good manners and acceptable behaviour to you or I.

If they want someone to care for their child they have to ensure that his behaviour is tolerable.

Vixxen · 10/07/2012 15:12

I think this may be a lesson learned. All of the above would probably irritate me but to be honest everybody brings up their kids differently. It sounds like you just need to tolerate his behaviour for the rest of the week.

Catsdontcare · 10/07/2012 15:13

Other peoples children are always annoying I'm surprised anyone comes to our house as I hide a lot of games away and won't let kids upstairs.

Greythorne · 10/07/2012 15:15

I think other people's children are the most annoying thing in the world. Other than one's own.

Children are annoying.

But you are the adult and if you are left in charge if a child, you set the rules. So, you can say, "You can't watch telly until all the dvds are picked up" or "we do not bounce on the sofa here, it is against house rules, sit down" (repeat until he stops).

He sounds like he needs a lot of supervision in the first instance, but once you let hm know who is in charge, I think like most children he will respond. Unless he has sociopathic tendancies :)

If his mother does not like you "disciplining" her child in this way, she oly has to find alternaive childcare.

Groovee · 10/07/2012 15:16

See I have a friends 2 children here who are 11 and 9 and they've not bothered me in the least. They've kept my 2 amused and are well behaved and no issues but little people can be harder work.

TheSurgeonsMate · 10/07/2012 15:17

Please don't take him back to his mother or father and say they'll need to re-apply for childcare once they've raised their child's game, that's just precious.

KellyElly · 10/07/2012 15:20

He's 3, kids always test boundries at this age. My daughter annoys me lol. YANBU for being irritated.

Tanith · 10/07/2012 15:22

Just a thought, but you seem to be asking him to behave himself rather than telling him what you want him to do.

"Please will you pick up the DVDs?" implies he has a choice in the matter. He's exercising that choice when he says "No.".

Have you tried making a competition of it?
"Let's see who can put the most Dvds on the shelf." usually gets this age group motivated. Your own child is your best asset

chandellina · 10/07/2012 15:24

Yanbu to be annoyed, but it's up to you to lay down the law. He's old enough to follow rules, don't put up with it.

GrahamTribe · 10/07/2012 15:25

"Please don't take him back to his mother or father and say they'll need to re-apply for childcare once they've raised their child's game, that's just precious."

Precious? Really? Or just a case of expecting their child to obey basic requests and not to abuse the OP's furniture?
twolittlemonkeys, on second thoughts and just in case they mistake manners for preciousness take him back to his parents and tell them not to bother bringing him to your house again at all.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/07/2012 15:28

Thing is he doesnt seem that naughty that it warrants OP to take him back to his mum...presumably she is working so this is her daycare. I have to say, if I had day care sorted and they brought DS back to me because he hadnt eaten a cheese roll and had jumped on the sofa I would not be best pleased.

3 year olds push the boundaries....all OP has to do is be firm....tell him if you dont pick up these dvd's you will have to go into the whatever room (where there is sod all to do).........he doesnt sound like the devil incarnated, just a kid who doesnt have much discipline at home.

LookBehindYou · 10/07/2012 15:31

Grahamtribe I think you're coming on a bit strong about a 3 year old.

OP, yanbu but need to be a lot firmer. The little guy doesn't seem to have much discipline at home so some of this will be new to him.

MissFaversam · 10/07/2012 15:33

Grrr, little tyke

I only had the well behaved ones round.

Be firm OP, it's only day 2 and by Friday afternoon I'm sure he will be better behaved

KitCat26 · 10/07/2012 15:33

It sounds like my daughter when she is over excited, its exhausting!
She is a contrary whirlwind and is three next month.

As everyone else says keep repeating the rules consistantly they will sink in if he is with you for a week. DD is fine when at other peoples houses but she does need reminding how to behave nicely sometimes.

A reward for good behaviour at the end of the day when he goes home might work? Stickers/chocolate button? I know it may not be your place to be giving this sort of incentive but it may help you have an easier week.

Oh and tell his mum how much hard work he is - I'd hate DD1 to be behaving like this at someone elses house and not knowing.

GrahamTribe · 10/07/2012 15:33

I may be LookBehindYou, but I'm not fond of other people's small children at the best of times and I simply can't abide the type who are allowed to jump on furniture and refuse to do they're told!

GrahamTribe · 10/07/2012 15:34

** "As they're told." Sorry.

BonnieBumble · 10/07/2012 15:37

He sounds exactly like my ds and he is nearly 8! You have my sympathies, I don't like looking after other people's children as it is difficult enough having two of my own like this.

ThatllDoPig · 10/07/2012 15:37

Depends why you are looking after him. If you are helping out the mum because she is ill or having a hard time then don't add to her stress by complaining about her child. Three year olds are all hard work, but agree that its your house your rules.

This shitty weather doesn't help.

StrandedBear · 10/07/2012 15:40

Tell him off then! Don't allow him to go to the dvds in the first place. Sanction him. Don't make another sandwich, just don't pandering to it.

LookBehindYou · 10/07/2012 15:42

I'm with you on the jumping on things GrahamTribe.

froggies · 10/07/2012 15:44

YANBU. Other peoples children can be irritating (I childmind so I know!). A 3 yr old should be able to understand and respect the rules of your home. Be firm, repeat the requests, try to make the putting away fun, you are more likely to get results that way. And good luck!

Ithinkitsjustme · 10/07/2012 16:09

At 3 he's old enough to understand that there are different rules at different places. Keep them simple and lay down the law when he arrives. Praise him when he abides by them and refuse to pander to him when he doesn't. So, no dvd's if you are bouncing on the sofa, no more food if you don't finish what's on your plate, the only toys out are th eones you are playin with and they get put away before you pull anything else out. Make it a competition with your own child and keep it fun and simple. It may also be worth mentioning to your friend that you are going to put some guidlelines in place if you worry that he will go home moaning about "mean old , who doesn't let me do what I want to do". As long as your strictures are reasonable and do not involved beating said child with a big stick most parents would be more than happy with that.

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