to be this annoyed with a 3 year old?

[twolittlemonkeys]

Am looking after friend's 3 year old DS. He plays happily with my 4 year old most of the time but constantly messes the place up - pulls all the DVDs out the cupboard, empties games belonging to DS1 all over the floor (went upstairs into DS1's room to find them). Now my 4 yo will tidy up when asked. Friend's DS will not - just says 'no' or 'I can't' - now I'm not asking big things just 'Please can you put the cushions back on the sofa' or the dvds back on the shelf but he just constantly pulls everything out and will not help tidy up, even when my DS is putting things away and showing him what to do.

Lunchtime I asked what he wanted and he said a cheese sandwich so I made him one (just with ordinary white cheddar) then he said I don't like cheese. Ate the bread roll then asked for another - gave him another and he ate a tiny nibble and left the rest (did the same yesterday). Annoying as I was reluctant to give another bread roll as it means I haven't got any left for DS1's packed lunch tomorrow.

He persistently uses the sofa as a trampoline which my boys know not to do and I've firmly told him a few times that we don't jump on it. With 2 boys (one of whom has ASD) my house is normally fairly messy but the increased stress of an extra LO is making me feel like I'm going to explode...

I've got this child with me all week and he's driving me batty and we're only on day 2! I'm being unreasonable to be so bothered aren't I?

Thanks for the responses!

First of all, I'm looking after him as a favour because his mum had an op last week. Can't send him back because mum just isn't in a fit state to look after him so to an extent I know I just have to grit my teeth and get through this week, but I expect she will need quite a few more childcare favours over the summer holidays as it's a fairly major op so she's going to need several weeks to recover. Wouldn't dream of complaining her as I don't want her to worry when she needs to be recuperating. She has a tendency to overdo it when she's unwell. She is a good friend and has helped me out in the past so I do feel a bit guilty for moaning about her DS!

I have been getting firmer and told him off a couple of times today because he completely ignored me. I'm well aware that kids test boundaries - I have 2 boys and they are no angels but have never really had a problem with other people's children ignoring me as I'm quite strict so as soon as I use my firm voice they pay attention! I know it's partly a lack of discipline at home that's to blame, but also just that he's 3 and little ones tend to do stuff like this. His 7 yo brother is worse, like a whirlwind of destruction, breaks everything in sight - even though he ought to know better - and I tend to avoid having him round The 3yo has always been so placid I never envisaged he'd be bouncing on the sofa etc! I'm not particularly precious but if the sofa breaks we will be sitting on the living room floor for months til we've saved up for a new one!

Will be stricter tomorrow - stick to my guns and try not to get so stressed. The making tidying into a competition sounds like a good idea. (I think it doesn't help my stress levels that I have things on my mind, eg appeal case next Monday - agreed to look after him before I knew the appeal date so felt I couldn't back out but am trying to sort things out for that and could do with just having the time to think about it).

complaining to her that should say

stranded, your back

You need to supervise him so he doesn't do these things in the first place.

put him in time out. get firm! and only provide one sandwich, don't keep offering alternatives

Well within the range of typical three-year-olds I think :)

Give him a good smack

Only messing, but I feel like doing it to my 4 yo DS2 at the moment. He is using the word "no" alot and I can't remember what to do about it as I don't think my eldest was like this and there is a five year age gap.

DS2 never had the terrible twos, so I think it was postponed until now.

Anyway op, well done. You have my sympathy. Just remind yourself every time he plays up, that you are doing a good thing.

Also if he won't tidy stuff up tell him you won't be able to get the jigsaw/colouring pencils/story book out until the DVDs are tidied away. Make it something you were going to do anyway, nothing special/no treats, and you'll be sailing along by the end of the week.

YABU to think this is extraordinary behaviour for a 3-year old, particularly one whose mother is presumably in shorter supply than usual due to a major OP.

YANBU to get annoyed about it. My 3yo winds me up no end.

What everyone else has said really, and if you don't want him to do something, do your best to ensure he can't unless you want to be man-marking him every second of the day.

But I let DS and visiting friends jump on sofa, so what do I know .

YANBU. If my DS behaved like this at 3yo - which he very well would have tried too! - then I would expect the adult to tell him no and disapline him accordingly.

I however has a friend who's DD is like this - still now at 7yo - and as she doesn't listen and her mum does not enforce it we have a 'pack away' before any visits.

I have no qualms in saying in response to - wheres all the DVD,s - "away, because last time you pulled them out and refused to out them back nicely. DS and I didn't want that happening again"

YANBU. I would echo what others say, other people's children are annoying. And they always seem badly behaved. But I don't agree with Graham at all, this is a three year old, so I wouldn't give the parents an ultimatum like that. It sounds really twattish.

But then I never agree to look after other people's children anyway.

I would calmly and firmly tell him he has to tidy up before he can watch TV / eat everything on his plate before having more of anything / stop bouncing on your sofa or you will have to turn off the TV or put him on the naughty step...

Your house, your rules - these are things a childminder could do and you're not even being paid!

When he does things right I'd praise him and give him stickers and send him back to his mum a little bit better behaved, seeing as you have no other way out.

And now I have given you this sage advice I shall remind myself to try even harder to do the same this week with my friend's DS, after last week when he completely ignored my attempts!

There's such a culture of "don't you dare tell my precious DC what to do, love" nowadays that a lot of children really don't have the respect for adults outside of their family that they should.

I know he's only three, and I don't want to fully repeat my own Victorian childhood, but it does bug me when a friend will ask me to tell their five year old something, only to have them ignore me because they assume (wrongly, mwah ha haa) that I won't assert myself.

I have a few groups of friends and amongst my closest one, we are all cool with telling each other's kids off if they need it (gently, obviously - I would never tolerate another adult shouting at my child, more the "come on we don't do that do we? Say sorry" sort of thing... Makes life easier as we have each other's backs and the children in this group particularly are far sweeter than in my other circles because of it. They know they can't run amuck every time their parents back are tunred.

or even "turned"

Your house your rules.

I would talk to his parents about it and say that if it continues then you will have to stop looking after him. Maybe they need a kick up the bum or maybe they think their child behaves at other peoples houses (especially if they arent told otherwise). Id be mortified if my dd acted like this.

When i look after my nephew my sister knows that what i say goes. Just like if my child is at hers or she is at my mums. i do not have a problem with other people disciplining my child if she has done something wrong.

You need to be firm with the parents and firm with the child.

Your house your rules.

I would talk to his parents about it and say that if it continues then you will have to stop looking after him. Maybe they need a kick up the bum or maybe they think their child behaves at other peoples houses (especially if they arent told otherwise). Id be mortified if my dd acted like this.

When i look after my nephew my sister knows that what i say goes. Just like if my child is at hers or she is at my mums. i do not have a problem with other people disciplining my child if she has done something wrong.

You need to be firm with the parents and firm with the child.