to agree to change DS's (11) surname because he is unhappy about it?

[viktoria]

When I got married, I kept my name as I really did not like DH's surname. DH was/is fully supportive about this because he said he did get a lot of stick for his surname when growing up.
We did briefly consider to change both our surnames when we got married but then felt that it was maybe a bit flippant and it was actually quite difficult to come up with a suitable surname. So DH kept his name, I kept mine.

When we had children, they both got my surname, which is European, quite long and always needs spelling, but is a nice name. Again, DH was/is fully supportive.

DS1 has been talking about wanting to change his name for a while and we always said, that's something to think about when he is 18.
I have just spent a weekend alone with DS1 and the surname topic came up repeatedly and he said that he feels very British and his name makes him sound like he is not British and he doesn't like that. He's also annoyed at people mispronouncing his name and him having to spell it every time.

I did look at what a name change entails - and it seems extremely easy and cheap - £16 (yes, getting a new passport is more expensive, but nevertheless).
DS1 has three first names, one of which is my MIL maiden name and that is the name that DS1 would like as his surname, so there would be a family connection and it would not just be a random name.

sorry for this long explanation, but AIBU to seriously consider changing my DS1 surname so that he can start secondary school in September with his new "British" surname?

I wanted to change my (father's) surname at around the same age - it's a normal word, but negative, and I was sick of people taking the piss, plus I had no contact with my father or his family. However, my mother's name is tricky, and I didn't fancy being lumbered with that either!
I eventually decided to wait until I was 16/18 and if I still wanted to change it then I'd go through with it.
As it turned out, I waited til I was 32 and changed it when I got married! DH has a bloody difficult name too, but it's still better!

One of the reasons I decided to wait was that I didn't want a different surname to my sister, and I realised I might change my mind in the future. As it is we had three different surnames in the house; my mum's, mine and my sister's, and my stepdad's, and I didn't fancy adding a fourth.
We never had any trouble with travel tho.

I wonder if your DS will regret changing it when he's older. Could you possibly give him some Italian lessons, or get the family tree out so he unrest ands his heritage better? It's a shame to make such a drastic change at such a young age. Others have suggested just letting him change it informally, as a name he's 'known by', that could be the solution if he insists, then he can change it legally when he comes of age.

It's really easy to change your name, and therefore really easy to change it back again. If he's really unhappy with his name then why not?

There's no requirement in this country to change your name by deed poll. All you have to do is make sure you use just the one name. That's the legal requirement.

I'd let him change it. Sound like he has given this a lot of thought, and is certain of what he wants. If he turns 18 and decides he doesn't like it anymore, he can change it again. Just gets a bit awkward when he has to fill in the other names you've been known by bit in forms. I don't think this will be a problem though if the name change happens when he is a child.

The other advantage of doing the name change now, as well as starting fresh at secondary, is that it will look better in the future when employers or anyone else looks at his records.

RuleBritannia "I thought it was the law that children born in the UK had to take the father's surname certainly when the parents are married. Did you have your DS before you were married. -Tut tut--. If the father's name is on the birth certificate, there would be complications if the child took the mother's name. Anyone out there know?"

you're talking out of your arse you can have any name you want to hav and you can call your child anything you want.

viktoria - i say go for it.
if he's unhappy, let him change it.
under-18s need the permission of both parents, but that's the only rule.
it is a lot easier to change it now than when he's 18, as you say, there's no paper trail to worry about.
info here

basically, in the UK, you can change your name at any time, and the only evidence you need is that you're using it as your name.

its probably because kids are making fun of him not being british and that is why hes started to try and change it.

he can also go back to using his original name later if he chooses.

Rule- the fathers name being on the birth cert has nothing to do with the child's surname. Married or not a child can be named anything (inc surname).

It sounds as though your ds has put a lot of thought into this, which is to be commended but he is still very young. You could do it and have him ask when he is older why you didn't try and talk him out of it. I have a foreign name and when I was his age I just wanted to be like everyone else but now appreciate the difference. I have even kept my maiden name rather than adopt my husband's boringly standard english one.
Could his first name not be anglicised amongst his peer group? I was thinking more of his having a different surname from his siblings, which will mean that when they too go to secondary school he will always be having to explain why he has a different name.
If there are self esteem issues at play these should be addressed, as suggested by another poster.

Rule has already said she was in error with her thinking on surnames, no need to keep piling on. Shocker, sometimes people think things that are wrong, and say thanks for being corrected!

sorry, i didn't read all of the thread

DD keeps distracting me!

snake 3 weeks to change your name? Blimey, I could do it for you in 10 minutes!

No need to change it legally - just tell the school that he will be 'known as' his new surname.
My friend at school had her father's name, and he was a sorry excuse for a father. She went by her stepfather's name at school as she (a) wanted the same name as her mum and (b) wanted shot of any link to her real father.
It was as simple as telling the school.

She did get the occasional bit of paperwork from them where they'd meesed it up - but all the registers etc were in her chosen name.

I would probably want to explore with him what it means to be British though - depending on the area, many of his new British friends at school will have names originally from other countries.

When is the passport due for renewal?

I would go ahead and use the new name but not go down the deed poll route till the passport needs changing, ideally that would be in a couple of years time. That way he can try it out and see if it makes any earth shattering difference, or if he likes it or regrets it in any way without forking out (the cost of new passport).

Then he can use the new name straight away without the officialness.

I always wanted to change my first name. My mum didn't take me seriously and just laughed it off. Then I kept getting cold feet as I wasn't supported by anyone. I hated my name my whole life, then at 40 decided sod it and changed it.

I can't be arced with the complications of the legal route (we no longer lve in UK, so getting passports done is complicated enough anyway, and we'd have to do all this stuff in English and German. I can't face it, so all my paperwork is in my much hated 'real' name, but most people know me by my new name.

I wish my mum had been open enough to listen to me and to support me. I really think it has had an effect on my having that name all my life. Good on you for supporting your ds and taking his concerns seriously.