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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not really like child care

42 replies

Mogagog · 09/07/2012 17:06

I'm a SAHM and Have a gorgeous dd that I adore but I don't really like child care. I feel like I should be helping working friends out with child care over the holidays but I have had enough of looking after my own let alone others. Am I selfish?

OP posts:

MamaMary · 09/07/2012 17:11

No, course you're not selfish! I'd never expect my friends to look after my DC just because they're SAHMs. I'm with you - I don't like look after other people's DC either.

unluckycat · 09/07/2012 17:14

As long as you don't expect others to look after your dd then YANBU.

For me I think it's worth it for the help you get back.

FuckityFuckFuck · 09/07/2012 17:15

No, definitely not selfish.

Who has given you the idea that you should be providing childcare to working parents?

valiumredhead · 09/07/2012 17:16

Why should you being providing child care?

MrsHelsBels74 · 09/07/2012 17:16

I'm rubbish with other peoples children despite adoring my own son. There is no way I would offer to look after other people's children on my days off, my son is hard work enough on his own!

valiumredhead · 09/07/2012 17:17

I DO think it is a good idea to set up a circle of friends that you can call on in an emergency/do favours for though, plus it's nice for dc's to have mates over to play.

msrantsalot · 09/07/2012 17:23

As a childminder I detest SAHM who offer to take friends kids for free, I always have spaces to fill during holidays as most of my kids are term time only. Nearly all would qualify for child tax credits to pay.

Hulababy · 09/07/2012 17:28

Why would you feel like you should provide childcare for other people's children?

Maybe they are perfectly happy with their childcare choices for their children, and that they feel secure they have chosen wisely for their own children?

Or has someone asked you to have their child? If so, just tell them you can't.

lazylula · 09/07/2012 17:36

Msrantsalot, you would detest me then. I am acing 2 friends children at different points during the holiday, but neither would use a childminder anyway as it is only for an odd day here and tree. In return one is having 2 of mine while I take the middle on to a hospital app and I know the oter mum would happily have mine any time I needed it. Op, yanbu if you do want to do t.

ithaka · 09/07/2012 17:39

I love it when people aks me to look after my children as it means I can ask them to return the favour!

I don't know what I would have done without my support network of mum friends who will always help each other out with each others children- it takes a village to raise a child and all that.

Dprince · 09/07/2012 17:39

Just because you a sahm you are under no obligation to look after other peoples children. I have just stopped working ft, I would have never expected any of my sahm friends to have my kids. Yanbu

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 09/07/2012 17:41

No YANBU. Other people's children are a whole other kettle of fish. There may come a time when having other children over will help you out by keeping your DC occupied, but if that isn't the case, you are under no obligation.

Hulababy · 09/07/2012 17:41

Mrsrantsalot - I used to look after my godson one day a week for my friend. He would have otherwise gone to nursery same as he did the rest of the time when not with his mum, but I wanted the chance to spend time with him.
I also look after two of DD's friends after school on a Friday every week in term time - for free. They are my DD's best friends and they look the chance to play and we love the chance to get together on a Friday night after they finsih work, so helps both ways round.
In holidays I will look after friends children for the odd day and they may have DD the odd time - mutual benefit for all of us and especially for the children involved.

Whilst I don't think any other parent should feel they have to be unpaid carers for friend's children, it seems very unfair to the average mum and dad for you to detest them for simply doing a friend a favour.

BonnieBumble · 09/07/2012 17:47

Mrsrantsalot. You are mistaken if you think that nearly everyone qualifies for child tax credits. If you earn over approx £28,000k you don't get any help with childcare.

WorraLiberty · 09/07/2012 17:51

YANBU, buy why do you think you should be providing child care to people?

I'm a SAHM and I certainly don't.

Having said that, I can't stop laughing at whoever said they 'detest' SAHM's who do it.

You can detest it all you like, but parents helping each other out is something that's gone on for centuries.

Pattypooped · 09/07/2012 18:07

I don't mind doing it now my eldest is older but I DO resent when hints are dropped rather than outright asking.

I had one mum drop loads of hints until I said I'd have her DS. We arranged for us to swap and then she said at the last minute she no longer needed me - but made no reference to the arrangement for her to return the favour.

I attract people like this.

BackforGood · 09/07/2012 18:15

YABU and odd to say "You don't like child care". Childcare is a fact of life for working parents. Full stop. End of. There are enough parents feeling guilty about going out to work, without those people who don't have to coming out with statements like that.

However,

to move on to your opening post, as opposed to the thread title, of course you aren't expected to provide child care in the holidays - why on earth would you be ?
As someone else said, it's great if you know other parents and you can all help each other out in the odd unexpected day off or illness or other emergency cover, but that's friends helping each other, not a SAHP being some kind of a martyr throughout the holidays.

JamieandTheOlympicTorch · 09/07/2012 18:20

I don't think the OP intended to attack working parents, of the use of childcare by them. It was a badly-worded thread title.

KittyFane1 · 09/07/2012 18:54

I think that the thread tiltle meant 'I don't like helping out with childcare'

OP, you are under no obligation to look after anyone's DC. Only your own.

Noqontrol · 09/07/2012 19:03

Its up to you op, you don't have to look after other peoples children. I wouldn't of thought anyone would actually expect you to. I probably would if someone was stuck for childcare, but wouldn't really want to do it for the whole holidays. Having said that i guess its company for my own kids.
To the poster who detests people for getting friends to look after their kids. I doubt your hatred for this would make a blind bit of difference in the whole scheme of things. Did you actually mean to use that word? It sounds a little strong.

Vixxen · 09/07/2012 19:20

No way! I certainly Dont feel obliged to watch others children just because I'm not at work. And nor should you!

TenaciousOne · 09/07/2012 19:59

Nope not selfish. If you don't want to, don't do it.

RandomNumbers · 09/07/2012 20:04

No jeez no way should you feel obliged. Is one of your mates putting pressure on you, OP ?

BackforGood · 09/07/2012 20:23

Come on Mogagog , you need to come and answer some of the posts please, not post and run.

Original poster

Mogagog · 09/07/2012 20:39

Yes it was a badly worded title, no offence meant to anyone.

No one has asked me to babysit but somehow I feel I should try and help out as I'm not working and have "spare time". Normally I wouldn't mind helping out but I suffer from Anxiety and wouldn't want to inflict ME on other people's children.

No pressure from anyone as I have some lovely friends.

Agree about it taking a village to raise a child.

OP posts:

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