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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not really like child care

42 replies

Mogagog · 09/07/2012 17:06

I'm a SAHM and Have a gorgeous dd that I adore but I don't really like child care. I feel like I should be helping working friends out with child care over the holidays but I have had enough of looking after my own let alone others. Am I selfish?

OP posts:

Deadsouls · 09/07/2012 21:53

Bloody hell, you're not being selfish at all! I don't really like childcare about 70% of the time.

Deadsouls · 09/07/2012 21:57

backforgood I don't think the OP meant 'childcare' but more looking after children, or at least that's the way I understood it.

Casmama · 09/07/2012 22:05

I think you are worrying about something that is a non-issue. I don't know any working parent who would expect a sham friend to do child are for them.

Casmama · 09/07/2012 22:06

Bloody iPad, meant sahm not sham

BlueSlipper · 09/07/2012 22:08

So no-one has asked you, and you wouldn't do it anyway (with sound reason).

This is a very open and shut case!

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2012 22:09

I would never expect a SAHM to help with childcare just because they're a SAHM!
Everyone makes their choices. That said I would like to get into some sort of childcare agreement now my children are older, mainly to give each other a few hours break to get stuff done, but mainly so that if an emergency ever came up I could bundle my children off somewhere local rather than relying on my parents who live 40m away. But I'd expect both the routine and the emergency arrangements to be reciprocal!

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2012 22:11

just re-read and realise dhow bad "bundle my children off somewhere local" sounds :o I cut my hand fairly badly a couple of years ago, and we left 3yo DS with a neighbour who extremely kindly rearranged his working day round us, and took 7mo DD to A&E. Now they are 5 and 3 I'd like to think in an emergency that wouldnt happen again.

SoleSource · 09/07/2012 22:29

YADNBU :) you/we have ebnough on our own plates mostly, without taking on other people's children/problems. Occasionally and in emergency if you can/want to.

DontCallMeBaby · 09/07/2012 22:50

You really wouldn't be able to help in any meaningful way anyway - working parents need, typically, a lot of childcare, and reliable childcare at that. An individual friend who can offer the odd day or two, and who might fall ill (or have her own children fall ill) doesn't make much inroads into the need for childcare in the school hols.

Odd days are different - more bearable for you (I hope), pleasant for you DD (again, I hope!) and something you may well reap the benefit of in kind one day.

I'm saying this from the POV of working termtime only, cos come the hols I am a SAHM for the duration - no way can I, or would I, provide more than odd days of childcare for someone else.

msrantsalot · 09/07/2012 23:51

yeah detest was a bit harsh...didn't mean it to sound so bad I guess i mean I work very hard to provide a great service with loads of activities and free time, work it round the needs of the child. I've had people leave because a friend became available to do it for free and it pretty much sucks when you've put so much time and effort, and every penny into setting up the service...

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 05:49

you are not obliged to look after other people's children just because they are working and you are at home.

BonnieBumble · 10/07/2012 08:03

Mrsrantsalot - I hear what you are saying but it boils down to finances and personal circumstances at the end of day doesn't it? It's a bit like the posh independent school down the road complaining that parents are shunning their fabulous facilities in favour of the local state school. Their children's friends are probably going to the local state school and the state school doesn't charge £5,000 an term.

If you have a wonderful service but you don't have enough customers you need to go back to first base and see which part of your business strategy isn't working. I would hazard a guess that it's either your pricing strategy or ineffective marketing. Take a look a your competitors, how are they doing? By competitors I mean other childminders not people who are doing a favour for their friends by providing free childcare.

wordfactory · 10/07/2012 08:11

I know some SAHMs who refuse to help out working parents on principle.
I think they are not only unpleasant but also rather stupid. Just because any of us don't WOH, doesn't mean we won't need a reciprocal favour at some point...unless we have mastered the arts of never being ill, being in two places at once, conquering the speed of light.

But OP, it sounds as if you are in a different position to this. Don't worry. Just be honest if anyone asks.

gamerwidow · 10/07/2012 08:20

wordfactory I think it's nice for both SAHM and WOHM to help out our friends and family with childcare if we can in an emergency.
However I don't think SAHMs should be expected to help out with holiday care as routine. I work part time and I happily look after my sister's children if they are off school ill and my sister is at work. However I wouldn't want this to be a regular arrangement during holidays because as much as I love my niece and nephew I want time to myself as well.

SugarBatty · 10/07/2012 08:32

Mrsrantsalot just because you work hard it doesn't mean people shouldn't feel obliged to use your service! Its like a shop manager complaining they have done a lovely window display and nobody buying anything. A lot of people cut back on things these days and if someone offers to look after their kids for free they will likely accept. Its the nature of your line of work. Childminding is not a guaranteed income where as if you worked in a school or nursery it is as you get the same wage regardless of how many children attend.

By the way op don't worry if nobody is even asking you to have their kids, I don't expect my friends to.

SugarBatty · 10/07/2012 08:34

Sorry! Meant to say should feel obliged!

Bonsoir · 11/07/2012 14:19

I find that WOHMs with nannies/housekeepers etc are usually in a much better position to offer childcare to SAHMs without domestic staff on tap. But no-one is under any sort of obligation to help anyone out with childcare - if you do so it is entirely up to you.

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