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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get a dog

65 replies

Charliefarlie1192 · 09/07/2012 16:58

I am a single parent to ds age 7, we have a cat who only ever comes home to eat and lost our other cat on the main road. I positively HATE being alone in the house and ds's father has shared custody. I love dogs and now the cat has gone i feel i need another living being here.

The thing is, I live in a flat, and work mon-thurs 9-.30-3pm

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 09/07/2012 17:06

well it would suit your needs but not the dogs,

9 to 3 is a long time to leave a dog, and will your seven year old want to go for a long walk every morning and evening?

and how do you intend to take it out for walks when your child is in bed, in the evenings?

sorry to be harsh but worth thinking about.

I'm sure people will come along and tell you it fine to leave a dog for that length of time, but it's not ideal.

SirEdmundFrillary · 09/07/2012 17:11

I can understand this yearning, I'd love one too but it isn't practical at the moment.

I don't think it would be very easy or fair to keep most dogs in a flat alone for long periods. I suggest you visit an animal rescue place and talk to them - they might very well have a dog, or another cat, that would be just right for you - eg one that needs to stay inside or needs special care in some way so can't exercise much. Or sometimes poorly animals need fostering for a while in a safe place, which might be rewarding for you and DS.

musicmadness · 09/07/2012 17:16

Go and talk to an animal shelter, they will be in a much better place to advise you. 9-3 is a long time to leave a dog but some would be ok with it, also if there is anyone (either friend/family or a paid dogwalker) who could come and see the dog at lunchtime that would help a lot.

If you are in a smallish flat you are pretty much limited to small dogs, and if time for walks is an issue then a slightly older dog would be better, though obviously there is a higher chance of expensive vets bills with older dogs.

If you visit a local rescue centre they should be able to tell you if it would be possible or not, and if not what changes you would have to make to be able to look after a dog properly.

Charliefarlie1192 · 09/07/2012 17:33

well my sister is a huge animal lover and doesnt work due to mh issues, she has said she would stop in and see the dog during the day but she couldnt guarantee it every day, I dont know why i couldnt walk the dog with ds on his scooter in the evening, we could do it before bed time.

i want a small dog, nothing huge, jack russell size at biggest

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/07/2012 17:58

I've got a JR terrier and he needs a lot of exercise.

I don't think he'd be happy to be left alone for that amount of time.

GiveTheAnarchistACigarette · 09/07/2012 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sausagedog27 · 09/07/2012 18:11

How about Volunteering to walk a dog for the elderly? The cinnamon trust do this and so you would get the walks but not have to worry about leaving a dog at home? Might also help make the decision to get one later on, if you get me.

olimpia · 09/07/2012 21:31

I got a puppy last year and I worked similar hours to you and children had similar ages. I have a DH who was very keen on the puppy and who took her out every morning and every night...BUT...it was a huge mistake and I wish I had listened to everyone telling me that you either rehouse an old dog or you need to be a SAHP if you want a young one. They're so much work! They hate being left and get really sad/naughty if they get left for more than a couple of hours. My DSs hated coming with me to walk her when DH couldn't do it. In the end we had to rehouse her and it was very sad for everyone.

Booboostoo · 09/07/2012 22:08

I think you may regret it and it may be harder to give up the puppy if it doesn't work out than to stay firm and not get one in the first place.

There are a couple of issues.

If you don't have access to outdoor space you are going to struggle to toilet train the puppy and even when toilet trained it will be hard work for you to provide enough opportunities for the dog to do its business outside.

9.30 to 3.00 is too long you would need to employ a dog walker to take the puppy out during the day, would you be OK with this additional long term expense?

The puppy will also need a lot of attention for socialisation, training, etc. Would you have the time to do this?

Sorry to be blunt but a JRT would be a terrible choice. They are extremely active dogs, with a big personality and a strong hunting instinct. They need a lot of training and a lot of entertaining. Research your breeds really well if you decide to go ahead.

tropicalfish · 09/07/2012 22:24

If you leave a dog at home on its own, it will bark non stop. Isnt that unfair on your neighbours?
I appreciate how you feel though.

shockers · 09/07/2012 22:42

There are dogs in rescue centres that could work for you (and them). You might need to get up an hour earlier than you do now... could you do that? (Think about winter too!)

You would need to go to a really well run and respected rescue and tell them your exact circumstances. They might well have the dog for you, but you need to be completely honest.

Don't get a puppy though. You'd need to have 'pup-ernity' leave Wink, they are very hard work (but absolutely worth it if you have time to put the effort in).

lovebunny · 10/07/2012 07:43

don't get a dog. they are dirty, smelly, lose hair and make a mess of your life. get a long-haired, large, syrian hamster and keep her in an enormous tank.

VajeenaVaginaVajayjay · 10/07/2012 07:54

Please don't do it. Neighbours dog is in the house from around 7am to 5pm Mon-Fri. Neighbours mother comes to walk him everyday but he barks and howls all day. Not only is it annoying for the neighbours but clearly the dog is unhappy being left alone.

MothershipG · 10/07/2012 09:34

If you are going to leave a dog that long it will need a good walk, not just once around the block, in the morning before you go out. How are you going to fit that around DS?

lovebunny the clean, non-smelly dog currently on my lap, agrees that the OP would be better off with a hamster! Wink

echt · 10/07/2012 09:49

OP, you say you hate being alone in the house. How is a dog going to handle it any better? They are socialised to be with humans and need to company, or at the very least a yard to run around in while you're at work.

Do the dog a favour, and don't get one.

elizaregina · 10/07/2012 09:55

get a dog!!!

SO MANY Many places you can get a rescue dog, it doesnt have to be an energetic young dog that needs long walks!

battersea and sooooo many other dog rescue places often have lovley small older dogs that would be much happier in your flat being loved and walked by you than sat alone in a kennel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this as I did a ton of research on getting a dog myself just over a year ago, I was obsessed and came down to lap dogs, totally ruled out all dogs like Staffys, jack russles etc.

Bichon friese, bolognese, maltese, shi zu etc....that type and also they are HYPOALLERNAGENIC meaning THEY DONT SHED!!!

there are no dog hairs on my furntire but my dog has a beautiful coat that gets really long! my dog was resuce and is a cross we think between a lhasa aps/bichon frise or matlese.

I am at home with her - but i dont think 6 hours alone is a long time! NOt if you walk the dog in the morning. Lots of dogs are left alot longer than that - I am not saying its ok to do that but they are.

If you were an older little dog used to some fuss would you rather be in a kennel or in your lovley home?

Buttwart · 10/07/2012 09:58

What about something else? Like a bird or some fish? It wouldn't really be fair on the dog with it being a flat. Do you have a garden? Where you could gate it securely and provide a shed so the dog could be out during the day not cooped up? Or a dog sitter?

Paiviaso · 10/07/2012 09:59

I would love a dog as well, but I work 9-5, so it is completely not do-able right now. Dogs are social animals and should not be left alone all day.

I have two indoor cats instead. They sleep most of the time I'm gone, but have each other to play with if they want. They wake up when I come home and we play and one of them follows me around the house. They're lovely. And being indoor, they don't get killed by cars!

elizaregina · 10/07/2012 09:59

"you would need to go to a really well run and respected rescue and tell them your exact circumstances. They might well have the dog for you, but you need to be completely honest."

I looked at every dog rescue for miles around and I rescued my dog from a not very well run dog rescue, a world away from the dog hotel standard of battersea...it was a spit and saw dust place that rescued dogs from the pound.

They let us take her pretty much there and then. She is a beautiful little dog who people just cannot belive was nealry killed. She has been trained by someone, has been neutered, walks well is loo trained etc...doesnt run, is very obediant...

about 2 years old....

surely a rescue is a rescue? yes we took a gamble as the rescue couldnt tell me harldy anything about her - but it has paid off. I realise some dogs can be an utter nightmare from rescues...but you can usually see what a dog is like.

elizaregina · 10/07/2012 10:00

i dont think 9 - 3 is all day.

Buttwart · 10/07/2012 10:06

You'd need to ensure the background of the dog if you were planning on leaving it alone fr 6 hours - just to make sure it wasn't going to become distressed and destroy the house if nothing else.

onewetdogowner · 10/07/2012 10:10

I don't think leaving a dog from 9 -3 is too bad if it is an older dog who is well trained. Would be too much for a puppy though.

Not all dogs will bark all day if left alone. You would really need to spend a lot of time looking at which dog you would take. Choose with your head and heart, not with your eyes.

elizaregina · 10/07/2012 10:13

I had a friend who chose a dog from battersea for her mother - gorg medium dog but one of those really engertic types that hunt....

why or how battersea let them have it - when the mum with bad arthritic knees cant even walk it far, it did totally destroy their kitchen left alone.....

but that was battersea you wouldnt imagine them to make such a mistake when they have such strict criterias to meet....

my dog is totally fine.

there will be a dog out there for you - an older dog already trained, small and docile will be perfect.

Buttwart · 10/07/2012 10:26

Eliza Nice anecdote. Makes no difference whatsoever that it's sensible to know the background of a dog you intend leaving alone for hours on end.

TheRhubarb · 10/07/2012 10:29

No.

Most rescue centres would visit your home and ask about your working hours so you wouldn't be allowed to re-home anyway. They would class your situation as unsuitable.

There are other reasons:

Vets bills are extortionate. Yes you can get insurance but this is tricky and some pet owners have been left with huge bills anyway because the insurance have wriggled out of paying. There is much more they don't cover than stuff they do.

The added expense of dog food and kennelling fees. Trust me, people may say they will look after it when you are away but most people soon tire of this. Not many are willing to walk a dog in the rain, pick up its poo and have their house smelling of damp dog. All those people who have said yes will suddenly find themselves busy so don't make the mistake of thinking that there will always be someone to look after the dog. Instead go on the assumption that most people will say no.

Dogs smell. There is no getting away from it. My neighbour got a dog not long ago, just a puppy and now her house smells of dog food and damp dog. You might get used to it but everyone who visits will know you have a dog before they even see it.

Your ds will get bitten. He just will. I know dog owners love to think their pets are gentle natured creatures from the planet 'Fluffy' but dogs communicate through tail wagging, barks and bites. You would need to get a dog that is used to children and being around children which would rule out most rescue dogs.

You would need to walk it at least twice a day, every day come rain or shine. Even if you are ill, the dog will need to go out. If you don't let the dog out (and since you have no garden you can't do it the easy way) the dog will piss and shit in your flat.

The noise. If you are out most of the day the dog may well bark and neighbours will complain. You don't know if a dog has this problem until you get it and start getting complaints. People who live in flats are not very tolerant to noises and you will be reported to the RSPCA by someone who is fed up of hearing the dog bark and is concerned about it being cooped up in a flat all day.

Dogs are animals that need love and care. They are not just companions for you. They are not creatures that are meant to be kept indoors for long periods of time. They need to have plenty of exercise, they need the fresh air, they need lots of time and attention, they need a good balanced diet, etc. Unless you can give all of that then I'm afraid you should reconsider.

Right now, the fact that you live in a flat, that you have a young son and that you work outside of the home for long periods all mean that you shouldn't really be considering having a dog.

If the rescue centre won't consider re-homing a dog with you then you shouldn't be considering getting one.

I can't believe other dog owners are encouraging you. They should know better. It's a classic case of putting your own needs before that of the animal. Yes everyone does it to a certain extent but in your case, it would border on cruelty. No dog should be kept in a flat no matter how small the dog. If you don't have the facilities to keep pets then just accept that you can't keep them.