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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to confess

32 replies

StaterForTen · 09/07/2012 00:36

that, if I could guarantee not being judged I'd have:

-had an ELCS at a posh private hospital
-FF DS from the start
-Hired a night nanny when I was really fucking tired

I did the opposite of all these things. Why? Not because I wanted to experience the massive endorphin rush (ahem) that is labour, give my child the best nutritional start in life and encourage bonding. No, I did it because I felt like it was what I was 'supposed' to do, because all my friends were doing it and I was too much of a sap to say actually fuck off, I'll do it my way.

OP posts:
tethersend · 09/07/2012 00:46

Money, not judgement, prevented me from doing 1) and 3); I did 2) this time round.

kotinka · 09/07/2012 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucieMay · 09/07/2012 00:56

I'd never send ds to a private school however much dosh I had but I'd definitely have a live in nanny if I could afford it. I enjoyed breast feeding however.

LucieMay · 09/07/2012 00:57

You said private hospital not school! Doh! I'm posting in bed and clearly incapable of reading posts properly!

RubyFakeNails · 09/07/2012 00:59
  • I didn't want it done in a private hospital or the scar/recovery of ELCS but I was drugged to the hilt and took everything they would give me and begged for more. Although some psycho-bitch made me suffer on the first birth but I did get some relief in the end.

-Did this

-Didn't need it my mum moved in for 3 weeks and did this when I was tired.

Seriously, fuck other people. I couldn't give a gram of shit about what other people think of my parenting. My children are now happy, healthy and I completely avoid any of the 'mummy friends' I was forced to socialise with in those early years.

tethersend · 09/07/2012 00:59

I had 2 elcs on the NHS, though.

Never even had a contraction Grin

Krumbum · 09/07/2012 01:37

Yabu for wanting to use a private hospital. Sounds like you have more money than sense.

Original poster
StaterForTen · 09/07/2012 01:49

FFS!

OP posts:
Original poster
StaterForTen · 09/07/2012 01:55

FFS @ krum, obviously

Yes fuck other people indeed, why all this pressure on women to do things the hardest way possible? Totally respect people do the natural childbirth/AP/breastfeeding thing because they're passionate about the benefits or for financial reasons, but pity the sad feckers like me who did it purely out of peer pressure! I bet there are plenty!

OP posts:
shuffleballchange · 09/07/2012 06:30

Krum, what a ridiculous thing to say, why not use private if you can, it frees up more beds for those who can't. I was send by ambulance miles away to have dc2 because our local hospital was full. I then had to make my own way home the next day!!
As for the night nurse, if I could have had one, it would have made those first weeks a delight rather than a struggle.
Good for you OP.

PlopButNOPudding · 09/07/2012 07:01
  1. Did this. Worth every penny.
  2. currently mixed feeding for 3rd dc. Resisted various warnings and guilt trips about not ebf.
  3. Can't afford night nanny but would do it in a heart beat if we could! I do have a day nanny 8 hours a week to help out. This has improved my sanity and also my relationship with older DCs and DH no end.

YANBU. I used to feel I had to justify or make excuses for my choices and I had to develop a thick skin due to very subtle 'taking the easy route out' type snide remarks. Now I don't give two hoots :)

Tee2072 · 09/07/2012 07:09

Well, I did 2. I had an ELCS on the NHS and I would have done 3 if I had the money. Grin

HandMadeTail · 09/07/2012 07:14

Is an ELCS really the easy option? I would've thought major abdominal surgery was anything but. But I haven't experienced it, so can't compare.

I do think it's true that most people seem to think its their business how you give birth and look after your child, and unless there is neglect or harm to the child, (not what this thread is about, obviously) then it is not anyone's bloody business but your own.

SoupDragon · 09/07/2012 07:15

why all this pressure on women to do things the hardest way possible?

Er... perhaps it isn't necessarily the hardest way possible? One could argue that the recovery from a CS is harder than a natural birth (and for some women it is). Why bother with the faff of bottles when you can have a free and easy milk supply on tap at all times (and for some women it is this easy)? Why bother with a night nanny when it really isn't too hard to deal with your own baby yourself (and some women do find it easy)?

You really can't say which is the hardest way can you? Probably best not to make sweeping judgements then.

SoupDragon · 09/07/2012 07:16

Do what you want - that I agree with - but don't try to justify it by claiming women shouldn't be "forced" to do it the "hard" natural way.

gamerwidow · 09/07/2012 07:17

I would have mix fed from the start and had an ELCS rather than the EMCS I ended up with.
Fortunately I've developed a thicker skin as DD has got older and don't feel I have to defend my behaviour as much. Hence she still has a dummy at 2 and sometimes I use the TV as a baby sitter while I have a break and I don't care who disapproves :)

Spatsky · 09/07/2012 07:17

A wasn't an issue because I had easy labours.

I am with you on B. I always felt a bit crap because I found breast feeding a real chore and envied by FF friends, I did stop earlier with number 2 but only because I had a "good excuse".

C never really occurred to me at the time but I can see the appeal!

ThatBastardGandhi · 09/07/2012 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThatBastardGandhi · 09/07/2012 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bbbbbee · 09/07/2012 07:26

I didn't do it put of peer pressure...it was a money thing.
I had a natural birth because I coped ok with that part...it's when I took ds1 home that it all fell apart! :(
I would have bitten my arm off to have a night nanny...I survived on so little sleep in that first year I am amazed I am still here...ds1 was a very poorly baby and only slept in 40 min snatches day and night....
I did ff, as my milk never came in but I tortured myself for months over that :(
With ds2 I also had a natural birth, but ff from the start...PTSD from trying to bf ds1 I think! He also slept batter (til he started teething!) so that wasn't so much of an issue.

HipHopOpotomus · 09/07/2012 07:27

YANBU to want to get a backbone and live the life you choose, rather than making important decisions based on keeping up with the 'Joneses'.

Panzee · 09/07/2012 07:30

There is a world of difference between a crash section and an ElCS, however. So I'm told, anyway!
I had an ElCS and despite my nerves it was a very positive experience.

I understand exactly what the OP is saying. It's the pressure she put on herself to battle through because she thought it was the 'right thing to do', not that she found it easy/harder herself.

LinzerTorte · 09/07/2012 07:34

I've had two natural births (no pain relief) and one EMCS, and would far rather go through the pain of labour than post-CS pain.

I bf all three, but found the first four weeks a nightmare with DC1 and would never judge anyone for giving up/FF.

Am with you on the night nanny!

Frontpaw · 09/07/2012 07:35

Took me a moment to realise that FF wasn't 'force fed'!

As long as you didn't feel the need to dangle baby out of the window by its ankles, or kill a goat to swaddle the baby in its skin, its all your choice really. It won't affect me, won't hurt anyone, so why do people get so upset?

Night nanny... Hmmmmm - If you have other commitments (work, family to look after...) why not? DS never slept more than 2 hours at a time and I did start hallucinating at one point as I was so tired (and I need a good 9 hours sleep).

ToothbrushThief · 09/07/2012 07:36

I had a ELCS and was a memeber of staff in the dept so was given a private room.
Fab-u-lous

It really was a delightful way to bring a baby into the world

I had already done the whole natural (agonising) labour and a homebirth. This was far better. I was also up and out with baby in sling walking the dog just a couple of weeks later... and driving.

I know this is far diff to a crash section but I'd still choose it over a difficult birth (likely to end in crash section...just why??) . Far better recovery period and far better experience. I will get slated for this post because we are all supposed to toe the party line that CS is evil, painful, debilitating, you can't drive, bad for baby etc.