To be really pissed off with DS for wrecking his new clothes after 1 day?

[SeanBeanIsMean]

So took the DS's to town yesterday. Spent £100 on my eldest (13) as he needed a whole new wardrobe and has gone into men's sizes and spent £50 on DS2 (11) as he needed new trainers and jeans.

So DS2 was bought a pair or red skinny jeans for £15 and a pair of hi-top trainers for £30. I told him he was NOT to play outside in them - they were for best only. He has plenty of "playing out" clothes.

Today, he sneaked out in the jeans and trainers. He later came home with the trainers absolutely caked in mud, the laces and all "soft material" was filthy and the trainers actually looked as thought they'd been around for 3+ years. Totally wrecked.

The jeans - covered in mud and bicycle oil. The oil won't come off.

I'm livid. Not because I expect him to never get dirty but he was told over and over again that these new things were for best and not for playing out in. Now £50s worth of stuff is wrecked in 1 day.

AIBU to stop his pocket money (£5 a week) until he's paid for at least half of it?

YANBU. Make him pay for all of it.

YANBU. He's old enough to know better.
Will the trainers not come up if you put them through the washing machine?

I don't understand the concept of teenage boys having clothes 'for best'?! . Especially if they are jeans and trainers, not a formal suit. I have a 13yo and all of his clothes are for playing in, the only 'best' clothes he's ever had were wedding outfits and he's tended to only wear them once.

I'm so sick of him not caring about anything. He always looks scruffy. He's small for his age and very, very skinny - he refuses to have his hair cut and won't look after it. It's a constant mess of knots. I was really proud of him yesterday - I let him change into his new jeans, new shirt (forgot to mention the new shirt!) and bright white trainers to come home from town. I knew he was excited to have them and wanted to show them off to his friends. He actually looked NICE for once. He even combed his hair.
And now I just feel so deflated. I don't know why I bother.

Will the washing machine not bend them all out of shape?

what is the point of having clothes for best when you are 11 years old.
He will have outgrown them before he gets to wear them out.
Just throw the lot inthe washing machine and the mud and oil will come off and even if the oil does stain he can still wear the jeans.

I'd wash the hi-tops, I often used to wash DS's I used to shove them in a pillowcase to stop them getting too mashed in the machine.

Yes, I'd make him pay. He went against what you'd told him.

Definitely old enough to know better.

Bung them in the machine and see how they come up - you might be surprised!

A hard lesson, for you!

I'd say more fool you tbh for spending £150 on clothes for boys. They do not care what they look like. Also totally not getting the need for clothes for best..not for that age group anyway.

SUrely there are handmedowns to be had from ds1 too??

YANBU make him pay for the lot

But red skinny jeans on a 13yo boy?? YABU!!!

Sorry mis-read!! But even red skinny jeans on an 11yo boy warrants a YABU!!!

I cant comprehend a 11yo "refusing" to have his hair cut. You are the parent, you march him down to the barbers and you get his hair cut if it is a mess.

For the oil stains google throws up some good suggestions, including hairspray, shampoo and coca cola. The washing machine should get out the rest - the trainers will be fine, tie the laces together and shove them in a pillow case. Don't wash too hot and if you're feeling nice you can shove newspaper in them while they're drying to help keep the shape.

I remember doing similar, make him feel bad and keep them in your wardrobe under a pile of bras and sanitary towels.

I wash DS's trainers in the machine all the time. I would imagine they'd be fine, I've never ruined a pair yet! I've even put the ones with lights in the heels in and they still worked after. Well worth a try.

Fairy liquid on the oil, then wash in bio powder. Should come out eventually. Trainers may not fare as well.

But... does he sneak out often? Did you know where he was?

Yes wash them in the machine, I've done it.

YANBU!!

Give the washing a go though. My last washing machine actually had a trainers cycle on it.

What is the point of trainers "for best" for an 11 year old? When can he wear them?

Yes, make him pay out of pocket money, he knew he shoudnt have gone out wearing them but just probably couldnt be bothered to either come home & change or not do anything to get dirty. He may learn his lesson if theres a financial consequence!

Trainers will be fine in the wash. I have 2 DSs who manage to get every pair of trainers they own uttery filthy, we have washed many a pair in the machine (the only thing that doesnt always come clean is the laces, rest should come up ok)

Just to add both my DSs (13 and 11) have at least 2 or 3 'best' outfits for wearing at parties, smart occasions (family meals, that kind of thing), events etc, I never realised that was unusual!

YANBU.

And for all those saying boys their age don't need clothes for 'best' - that's true, but I'm sure what the OP means is she would rather he had at least one set of clothes that weren't ripped, too small, and covered in stains. Trainers 'for best' are the ones that you wear for going out, anywhere, just not the ones you use to play football in the mud!

Ok well the mud has come out of the jeans but not the oil. It isn't that noticeable but will try some of the suggestions on here next time they're washed.
I'll put the trainers in the washing machine too - may as well, nothing to lose now!

When I say "for best" I mean just not for playing out in. So for instance visiting great grandparents, cinema or end of term disco - that kind of thing. Basically he can wear them for anything but playing out.

I get the having things for best. We go out with DS regularly. He wears his nice clothes then. Eg. cinema, bowling, meals, shopping, trips to relatives etc.

Other older clothes are for general wear, ie. own clothes day at school, dog walking, bike rides, playing in the park etc.

I'd definitely stop the pocket money. Or another suitable punishment of your choosing.

I'd give the washing machine a go with the trainers, buy some new laces, or bleach them if they are white. I've been surprised in the past at how I've managed to revive them

I had to buy DS new shoes yesterday. He is in the terrible stage of being a size 6. Anyone who has had a size 6 DS surely must know how difficult this size is to buy! Kids shoes stop at a 5 in the vast majority of places, and mens start at a 7, and 6's tend to only be available if you order them! I went to a huge city centre Next, and managed to find 3 pairs of identical hi-tops, in 6's. One blue, one red, and one green pair. So bought them all. £66 later, and DS is theatened with severe punishment if they get ruined (and its not really the cost, but the hassle at finding some, and ones that are nice for that matter!). He is not to wear them for football, he has an old pair for that. He can get them dirty, sure. But not ruined! Time shall tell.

He is already in trouble for wearing a pair to his dads who has no respect for anything today, after he asked me this morning, and I said no. I noticed they were the only pair missing when I was putting clothes away in his wardrobe. His dad doesn't care for anything, so he only wears old stuff to go there. Grrrrr. I'll be furious if they are wrecked.

I'm just glad I managed to get them at reasonable prices, as opposed to mens prices for a 10 year old child!!

So, no, in conclusion, YANBU!

^^ What Whackamole said