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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really pissed off with DS for wrecking his new clothes after 1 day?

54 replies

SeanBeanIsMean · 08/07/2012 20:19

So took the DS's to town yesterday. Spent £100 on my eldest (13) as he needed a whole new wardrobe and has gone into men's sizes and spent £50 on DS2 (11) as he needed new trainers and jeans.

So DS2 was bought a pair or red skinny jeans for £15 and a pair of hi-top trainers for £30. I told him he was NOT to play outside in them - they were for best only. He has plenty of "playing out" clothes.

Today, he sneaked out in the jeans and trainers. He later came home with the trainers absolutely caked in mud, the laces and all "soft material" was filthy and the trainers actually looked as thought they'd been around for 3+ years. Totally wrecked.

The jeans - covered in mud and bicycle oil. The oil won't come off.

I'm livid. Not because I expect him to never get dirty but he was told over and over again that these new things were for best and not for playing out in. Now £50s worth of stuff is wrecked in 1 day.

AIBU to stop his pocket money (£5 a week) until he's paid for at least half of it?

OP posts:

moogalicious · 08/07/2012 21:08

Try washing up liquid on the oil. Blob some on and leave it overnight, then wash.

TheFidgetySheep · 08/07/2012 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForRomance · 08/07/2012 21:10

I guess yanbu, he should have listened to you when you told him not to play out in them.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 08/07/2012 21:11

Jeans and trainers for 'best'? And for an 11yo boy?

What kind of madness is this?

Cabrinha · 08/07/2012 21:22

You need to sort out your mixed messages! You complain he's scruffy, then complain when he goes out - on an 'ordinary' day - looking smart.
I don't think he should pay for the items he's got dirty (and frankly, the dirt doesn't sound the end of the world) but he should understand the consequences - no pristine best clothes, and if he wants more (for school disco etc) he needs to save up his pocket money.
I think if you want him to smarten up, you should build on this new interest in clothes instead of stifling it.

noddyholder · 08/07/2012 21:24

Teenagers do this. Don't worry about it there is more to life than having clothes for best. Wash them. My ds destroys things skateboarding every 3-4 weeks I have given up now and he is 18!

HeadfirstForRomance · 08/07/2012 21:24

My boys never look like refugees. They are 4 and 8. Have I got this to come?

They have shirts and a couple of nicer pairs of jeans for parties etc, but not expensive ones that I would make me upset if they got stained. DS 2 often wears his shirts for youth club/playing out but so far hasn't wrecked anything. I would never buy a pair of trainers I couldn't wash either. Whenever they get grubby I chuck them in the wash and they're like new.

BUT op is NBU as her ds should do as he's told, end of.

HeadfirstForRomance · 08/07/2012 21:25

DS 1*

ariadne1 · 08/07/2012 21:30

Petrol dissolves oil but then you have the problem of getting the petrol SMELL out of the jeans. i have a bottle of carbon tetrachloride that ny grandma bought from a chemists about 40 years ago that gets anything out of anything! I don't know whether you can still by it.Also valve oil for trumpets is very good ( but expensive)

PigletJohn · 08/07/2012 21:40

white spirit also gets oil out (unless they have been through a washing machine first) but if it was black with dirt a stain will remain.

I'd say, if the clothes and shoes "ought" to have lasted three months (say) before he'd grow out of them, don't replace them with another smart set for three months.

germyrabbit · 08/07/2012 21:44

the clothes prob look better a bit messed up and worn in, i would just let it go

fortifiedwithtea · 08/07/2012 21:52

I have 2 girls. Complete muck magnets. Always dressed them in Tesco and Asda. Rule in my house if you come in caked in mud strip off in front of the washing machine. I don't stress over ruined clothes.

Afew photos of them in pretty dresses would have been nice. But hayho I got real kids not dollies.

You know you're not going to repeat this shopping experience again for a long time, don't you. Stick everything through the wash and hope for the best.

HeadfirstForRomance · 08/07/2012 22:04

DD1 is a clean freak, she hates being dirty, but dd2, despite being very "girly" and only wearing dresses is always filthy. She carries the muddy dress and wellies look quite well and all her dresses come out fine from the wash :)

StuntGirl · 08/07/2012 22:21

Hmm, not sure on this one. He was definitely in the wrong for getting his brand new clothes mucky after you specifically told him he couldn't wear them out (and the sneaking part I would definitely have an issue with).

The fact he took an interest in his appearance today I think gives some hope. Are the rest of his clothes old and ratty? Is that why he doesn't care normally?

The disobedience and the sneaking need dealing with, imo, and I would go with the idea of him paying it off. Perhaps once that's done you can come to a deal with him where he earns money for new 'going out' clothes by doing little jobs; perhaps if it's his own hard earned money he'll take better care of them.

ariadne1 · 09/07/2012 09:14

It's understandable to be annoyed but he's a young boy, clothes are for wearing! I would just point out that you were disappointed he didn't listen to you and now has stained his jeans so won't have any for best and leave it at that..
Red skinny jeans though? Ugh! Is that what they are wearing nowadays, they haven't caught on round this area yet.

valiumredhead · 09/07/2012 09:17

Where do 11 year olds were 'best' clothes?

CadleCrap · 09/07/2012 09:38

All those who are asking where 11 yos wear best clothes - did none of you have party dresses?

DS (4yo) wore his best (and only) shirt yesterday to a party and will wear it again this weekend for another.

valiumredhead · 09/07/2012 10:10

I remember having nice dresses but not ones that had to be kept for 'best.'

I can't imagine buying ds 11 clothes and telling him there are only certain times he can wear them.

Clothes are for wearing and enjoying.

Sallyingforth · 09/07/2012 10:21

At 11, allowing him to refuse having his hair cut is wrong. If he can get away with that it's not surprising that he ignores your request to look after new clothes.
If you don't put your foot down soon you are going to have real problems when he's 13 and 15.

valiumredhead · 09/07/2012 10:25

I missed the hair comment.

He needs it cut if he can't look after it properly. Ds has longish hair on the condition that he keeps it clean, he is allowed to grow it longer in the holidays but needs it tidyish for school.

Chandon · 09/07/2012 10:26

mine just keep wearing the wrecked clothes. Even out and about.

Then, if they need to look smart, I borrow, or use school uniform (grey trousers and blue shirt) or buy a cheapy thing. It is rare for them to have to look smart (weddings/funerals/baptisms)

I do get a bit cross if they wreck their clothes, but that is also why I never buy anything expensive...

bigTillyMint · 09/07/2012 10:29

YANBU. I would be furious too.

DS is 11 and puts on one of his footie kits/tracky bottoms if he is going out to play and get dirty. He preens and primps for aaaaaaaages when he is "looking sharp"

LadyThompson · 09/07/2012 10:35

Keeping out of the other stuff, I just wanted to tip you off that WD40 will sometimes get oil stains out (and it isn't as smelly as petrol). Spray it on, let it soak in and keep blotting at it with kitchen roll.

NoComet · 09/07/2012 10:40

YANBU
There are occasions when DCs have to look tidy and we have to be seen with them.

I would make him pay and I'd ground him from the next few trips out that the tidy clothes would have been perfect for.

Sorry you aren't going to the cinema, Bowling, pub lunch etc because you have nothing nice to go in might just remind him.

Teens really do have to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and that they suddenly become much more expensive to keep.

Adult clothes, adult shoes, blackberries, school trips abroad, lap tops, cinema+pizza hut+bus fare, you name it. They have to understand non of these things are primary school scale anymore.

Pandemoniaa · 09/07/2012 10:43

YANBU in being very cross that he defied you so far as going out to play in these new clothes. However, I'm not sure that I'd demand the cost of them back via his pocket money since he's going to get some wear out of the rather damaged outfit. I also think you are setting yourself up for grief if you invest too much in an 11 year old boy's clothes and pay more than is sensible.

That's not to say that it isn't reasonable to have some clothes that are suitable for those occasions when a level of smartness is necessary. However, ds2 (who appeared to go around with a cloud of dirt hovering over him) was notorious for the damage he could do to clothes and I tended to buy him stuff specifically for events. Not to just keep in the cupboard "on spec" to be grown out of.

I also think you need to get firm about your ds's hair. I didn't interfere with the styles that my dcs wanted but this came with the proviso that their hair needed to be kept clean and capable of getting a brush through. If your son is this uncooperative at only 11, then you are going to have some difficult teenage years, I suspect.

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