for feeling like a freak because we rent?

[2to3]

Fell in love and got pregnant before finances were ever really discussed. Went from sling to well off, had some savings, but then recession hit and we're barely getting by. Have great kids, strong marriage, a bit of cc debt but not very much, same with savings. We live in SW London surrounded by property we could never afford. Paying crazy rent and feeling sad/like a freak that we still haven't bought anywhere and maybe never will. I know I'm not alone but I do feel we are unusual for not having bought yet (late 30s) and quite vulnerable as the economy is in deep shit. AIBU?

Absolutely, but as I said, even if none of those things happen and you pay your rent on time for ever your LL could still take it away from you.

It isn't yours and never will be.

True but when you have a mortgage it isn't really actually yours until the mortgage is paid off. And you are liable for all the costs involved in it's upkeep. 30 odd years ago property really was an investment that promised a return, I would argue that is not the case in this day and age.

I'm with you dogshit. The fact is these landlords who are wonderful and keep tenants long term and do the maintenance when it's needed (and do it PROPERLY which is a whole other ball game) are incredibly rare. I've not yet had one. Current house has a dodgy heating system which means we don't get hot water without heating up every radiator in the house, and the cooker has two broken plates. Previous landlord thought he could do everything instead of hiring properly qualified professionals, resulting in the boiler failing its gas safety inspection. And as for the one before well the police got involved in the end when they kept entering the flat without our permission and ended up brawling on our doorstep with DP. I was 6 months pregnant at the time and it was hellish.

Poignant X-post there Queen.

Hope things are getting better for you.

Well at least the current landlord doesn't try and force entry to the property so that's ok I'm just hoping we can stay put for a while now. We've been moved on every 6-18 months for the last 6 years. And we're trying to decide on schools for ds, so that's a pain when you get told to move on yet again.

That is awful Queen and I really hope it gets better for you. I just hate feeling like a freak for renting as the OP said and wanted to put the positives across. as I said in a previous post, there are good and bad to both situations but it is what it is for us and I have (thank god) struck lucky this time

I agree darkside I know that owning is no walk in the park. But I would trade anyday just to be stable and settled and have more control over my own home and my life. You really live at the whims of the landlord when you're a tenant. I think the biggest problem is that a lot of landlords don't consider that their 'property' is someone's HOME. They treat it as an asset to do with as they please and fail to take the tenants into consideration.

And I do know what the OP means about feeling like a freak. I get constant lectures from family demanding to know when I'm going to buy instead of renting.

Oh I do love the lectures Queen!

Especially the ones about rent being dead money. Where would we be if we didn't have family there to point this out to us!

You're definitely right about LL seeing the property as an Asset too. To them it may well just be cash in the bank but to me it's my home

Didn't mean to sound sneering earlier DarkSide. Not all LL are bad I know.

Genuinely glad you have such a lovely set-up. Long may it continue

I get 'you're paying someone else's mortgage for them' and yes 'dead money' as well. I've taken to saying 'well give me the money to buy then.' strangely I don't get quite so many lectures as I used to

We're renting out our house in the uk at the moment. We signed a contract for a year with the tenants. Is this not standard? How are landlords asking tenants to leave with only a months notice?

I am a very unwilling LL, but when Dh and I married we bought a house teogther, thinking we'd be able to sell mine (new house is in the country and our animals are there, plus lots more land), but I couldn't sell it! So now it's renting out. We hope our tenants stay for at least a year, but forever would be great too! Actually, I'd sell my house to our tenants, I'd even consider doing a real estate contract and carrying the note for a few years.

I'm sure if you look around you'll find other LL in my position, who would like to sell it or have long term, multi-year tenants.

At the end of the day, your circumstances are as they are and if you don't have a big wedge of money for a deposit then you can't buy. We have a good joint income but not the deposit, I have many friends who own because their families put up the deposit and guarantored them which is great for them and they can't understand why we rent but we'll do it ourselves when we're ready. I sometimes have to make a concerted effort to tune the anxiety that this issue seems to raise in people - it would be great to buy but it doesn't stop our house from being our home.

ElaineBenes - contracts are often for a stated term but have a clause in them which states either the landlord or tenant can break the contract by giving an agreed amount of notice or paying a fee, does yours have that?

Isn't the average age to buy now something like 37?

I like the idea of having no rent to pay in old age - one less expense. Thats the reason we are on the mortgage treadmill now, so we can have an easier time later on.

OP - have you thought about moving from London? I know it can be hard if you are settled though.

Don't be silly. In the UK we seem to have this complete bee in our bonnets about owning our own homes. DH and I rent as we are currently spending a couple of years here, couple of years there with his job and buying in this climate then selling fast are a lost hope. There are loads of advantages to renting - mainly when something goes wrong you don't have to pay for its repair etc. Especially being in SW London its almost an impossible dream for most. You would end up in the back of beyond somewhere with a mega commute. Enjoy life for now - at some stage in the future you can buy - it does not need to be now :)

Yes, at some time in the future you can buy....good luck getting a mortgage after 40 though, because for every year over 40 you are, the more your deposit needs to be.
Sorry to be negative-is just true fax.

Oh, and I don't live in London, but I would still be unable to buy anything at all earning less than £40 k.(Which up here is not so easy)

YABU to feel like a freak. Renting isn't all that unusual. But if you want to own your own place, why not do like all my ex-Greater London neighbours and move out to more affordable nearby towns in the Home Counties in order to get a little house and/or some garden? OK the transport costs go up but most people seem to see it as a reasonable trade-off.

It's a difficult one 2to3.

I've been in virtually every position posted above.

I've rented many times. Some good landlords, some dodgy or downright bad.

Bought a flat in London many moons ago on mortgage which was way over the odds compared to my salary (then-DH didn't work.) I remember bursting into tears one evening when I came home on the top of the bus and saw a newspaper placard on the street below that interest rates had gone up. For one (thankfully) short period we had about £22 to cover all monthly expenses other than mortgage. Then interest rates reduced a little and our 'disposable' monthly income went up to £89 for a little while. Had to borrow from parents to keep going. (Paid back with appropriate interest as soon as I was able.)

Moved to rented accommodation again. Then-DH found a 'sort of job' and I went with him. Formally rented out London flat because I was in serious negative equity and was, I hope, a good landlord. Just paid up to the agents whenever anything went wrong and kept on keeping on, hoping for a change in values.

Sold London flat when tenants (3) wanted to move out and property values had recovered. Then-DH blew the 'profits' on wine, women and man-toys. (Profits of course were in reality non-existent: I'd been paying service charges to the agents and mortgage and maintenance charges for years on the property. It was just a visible lump of money for once.)

Bought a house in new location. Then-DH did virtually nothing to it (I'd found a job there but he'd lost his) and finally, after many, many moons sold it at a profit which enabled me to buy the family house when my father died.

So here I am. I have the family home which I hope I shall live in until I pop my clogs. It's free and clear. However, I have buckets in the top bedroom due to leaks coming through the roof, my gas hot water is malfunctioning, I need a damp proof course in the basement and I have a door on the ground floor which is misaligned and not closing. (Mine works in the 19th century = subsidence?) And so on.

I wish I had my Dad back.

You are not a freak. Prices have been pushed up through the irrational exuberance of both the general population and the loose lending of banks.

I've more than enough cash to buy a place outright - though pure thrift I should add, but there's no way I'd hand over my hard earned for a place that in my opinion is not representative of the cash I'd have to pay for it.

In the meantime, even though savers like me are being pillaged through low interest rates on standard deposit, I'm still getting enough interest on my money to cover most of the rent cost, yet still have it liquid to invest as I see fit and none of the maintenance hassle. Best of both worlds.

You're not a freak. We rent- hope to buy within ten years when enough money saved up and the economy looking healthier. If you pay rent and look after your home, the landlord can't just chuck you out. Even if you are a bad tenant they must go through proper channels to evict and this takes time. I have many friends back in Ireland in eye watering negative equity- think £200,000 worth- and I am so thankful I am not similarly trapped.

I know this sounds like a platitude but look at what you do have- the things that money can't buy- and try not to get caught up with anxiety about owning.

OH and I rented for nearly 7 years until we had saved enough to buy. Various reasons for the housing debacle, all political and not really appropriate for AIBU.

Well, renting does give you more freedom of movement, where as buying gives more security, but then that's because tenants have feck all rights in ths country.

OP - if you are struggling, don't move to another place in SW London, move out for a couple of years, bank the savings (work out where you and DP need to be for work and look at over ground routes out - often going a little further gives you shorter commuting times, we moved to Sevenoaks and that only added 10 minutes each way to our commute, but we could buy a 3 bed house for the same price as a 2 bed flat we were looking at in SE London Zone 3, we couldn't afford to buy the place we were renting).

A lot of people who've rented long term or bought late will come unstuck because the assumption in the UK is that you've got no housing costs at retirement. Pension levels often assume you can live off a small sum because you will have paid off your mortgage, even if you haven't cleared it, you'll be able to downsize and clear the debt, buying something small with no mortgage. If you haven't done that, you do need to save more towards your retirement as you will need more each month than someone who's housing cost free.

You have great kids and a strong marriage.Stop right there and count your blessings!!