Amount of sleep

[cheekypickle]

AIBU to expect 11month old DD to sleep from 7pm to 7am?

I think the most important thing to remember is that all babies are different just as all people are different. OP, your baby isn't even a year old yet - still very tiny.

I was just curious

I also agree with valium.

Cheeky I have read your threads on AIBU to send dd to childminder fultime when you are off in school hols, on how much your dp sleeps in at weekends but didn't you say thay your dp gets up in the night for your dd, but here you say she sleeps 7.30pm to 6am and now you ask if it is unreasonable for her to sleep half an hour extra either side?

I really hope you don't take this the wrong way but you sound very isolated and almost a little bored

Do you go to any groups of coffee mornings or any of that lark? if not, I think maybe it would be helpful to join some groups, try and find some support networks near you, there's just no substitiute for real life interaction.

There really is so much advice and help for new parents, it's just a bit of an arse researching it but really worth it. Meeting some other mums would be lovely and maybe really help and give you confidence with dd that you are doing the best you can, which is enough...

Are you enjoying motherhood? Again I mean that in the nicest way, and it's FINE to say that you're not or it is a struggle, but all I'm saying is please don't feel isolated or alone because you are not. I'm sure your dd is the light of your life and she deserves a healthy, happy mother inside and out.

I hope you feel you can reach out if you want to....

My 2.5 year old has never ever slept 7 till 7. At the moment she does 8 until 6. It is impossible to get her to sleep earlier, she just chatters and sings in bed. She is not over tired, and does not nap excessivly for her age. She does not wake in the night. Some children just don't need 12 hours sleep.

YABU, babies don't conform to rule books - at least mine certainly don't.

DD was 3 before she slept through. Even now she sometimes wakes for a wee/cuddle/reassurance, and she'll be 5 in August. She's usually in bed from 7:30pm-6am

DS is 13mth and wakes at least 5 times a night for a bf and cuddle.

I agree with the other posters in that I think you should speak to your GP. You seem to be worrying over things that really aren't an issue and very obsessed over the small things. Also, from your other threads, it seems like you and your DH need an awful lot of sleep, much more than most adults. Please seek out help if you need it.

I'm not really enjoying motherhood, I find it very stressful. I don't feel like a good mum.

:(

Do you think your high expectations are causing you to feel disappointment? Definitely mention your concerns to your GP or HV.

tell that to my 17mth old at 5am (or 1,2,3,4am whenever he wakes up )

I have a beautiful daughter, lovely husband , great teaching job yet I still feel down, I'm such a loser for feeling like this

oh - 7.30-6am? I would be skipping for joy

cheeky - I'm sure every single poster on this board has felt or feels some of what you have just said.

The first thing is really bollocks to being 'a good mum'. One persons definition of this is SO different to anothers. Really as long as you are doing the best YOU can, and your child is healthy and happy that is enough.

So, don't think you are not a good mum, honestly in your daughter's eyes you always will be and it really only matters what your child thinks - sod everyone else.

I think I read in one of your other threads that you don't feel that confident, well like anything this will build but you must take steps to build this. Really (I know they can get a little tiresome) but do join groups....

It take the pressure of YOU having to entertain as you are in a group situation.

It is 'support' even if you don't go for coffee or see the other mums again, you are being supported for that period.

What do you find stressful? Is it feeding, sleeping, play? All of the above can be changed to make life less stressful for you e.g - routines, online food shopping, hire a cleaner, do stuff with dd that you enjoy, so for e.g if you hate a soft play environment but love the park don't bother going to soft play. Your dd honestly won't give two hoots where she is as long as you are happy and she is with her mummy who is showering her with love and affection.

What about your partner? How much of a support is he? Be firm but fair, you are a team so try and do stuff as a family and stop all the lie ins at weekends -seriously, who needs a 4 hour lie in unless they are a teenager?

I find that if I am sick of dh or need space (we live in a small flat) I take ds out if he is in watching boring sport all day - why get under his feet or get pissed off with him that he is sat on his ass all day? Ds and I go out and do what I want to do, which normally involves, cake, coffee, library and walks - bliss...

However, when I walk in that evening with ds the tv will be turned off and HE will be doing bath and bed as I have been out for 6 plus hours allowing him 'his time'. Also, we take it in turns to go out with friends and I find just skulking into a cinema with a friend with popcorn and sweets for a couple of hours is wonderful - ds is asleep and dh happy to babysit and monopolise TV...

Implement this whatever works best for you - rota, discussion, instructing!

I would really make an appt with your GP and do some other research in terms of the support available, counselling etc, other networks where you live, you will be surprised what is available...

Good luck and sometimes life is a bitch, but also it is very much what you make it.....

7.30pm-6am? So you want an extra hour & a half

What she does now is pretty good for an 11 month old, my friends dd still doesn't do that well & she is nearly 3!!!

Dd slept through from 11 weeks, ds is 9 months & goes from 9pm to anywhere between 6am & 7am. They are all different & like I said what you have now is good!!!

cheekypickle , you sound just like I did when I had PND with DS1, I struggled on and on and I wish I'd asked for help. I struggled for about 18mths and didn't actually feel like me again until he was 2.5. I think you need to chat with your GP/HV.

Cheekypickle - I haven't read any of your other threads, so I don't have any 'back story', but on the face of it, 7pm until 6.30am would be fine with me & a lot of other parents whose babies don't sleep through. Lots of babies do sleep from 7-7 though, so there's no harm in hoping for it!!

From your posts on this thread though, you do sound as if you are struggling. Have you seen your Doctor about possible post natal depression?

I'm sorry you feel like that I know from DD2's poor sleeping that the whole world can feel horrible when you don't get enough rest. Talk, share and ask for help if you can. I'm sure your LO thinks the world of you, but you need to get some rest in order to tackle this.

In response to your OP, as many people have told you, your baby seems to be sleeping well. But that doesn't mean you're not exhausted and finding it tough. Try thinking if solutions that would work for you, going to bed at 8pm for a week, or getting some help, sleeping when she naps (ha, don't know if that actually works...!)

We all need rest. Please be brave enough to find solutions and ask for RL help, of whatever kind suits you.

Good luck!

I'm still waiting for DD 12 months to go to sleep.... :(

have you tried the sensational baby sleep plan by alison scott wright?

i found it very helpful and gentle, however ignored the bit about expresssing into bottles but found the whole theory about gentle withdrawal and saying 'sleepytime' with the aim of encouraging them to go to sleep alone rather helpful.

reading the reviews on amazon, some weren't that positive but ds got on really well with it - previously I used to rock him to sleep EVERY night and I was so exhausted...

A friend once said, the baby isn't the hard work, it's the sleep deprivation, it's a killer, you just can't focus or function without it and I think there's a lot of truth in that?

None of mine sleep through, and DS1 is 4.7 years old!

OP, I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten. It sounds very much like my brand of PND too, manifesting as a lack of confidence in, and enjoyment of, motherhood. I got PND after DS1 and didn't look for support - it took DS2's birth and my subsequent descent back into the pit before I went to my GP. She immediately referred me to my local MH unit, who prescribed ADs when DS2 was 6 weeks old. By 8 weeks old I was back to being me again. And I loved motherhood so much with DS2 that I extended my maternity leave. I'm now off the ADs, and found coming off them a doddle compared to how I felt in the months following DS1's birth.

Also, once I was back in tune with my body again I found that I adjusted to a reduced level of sleep. Pre-DC I was an 8 hours a night person. With DS1 & 2 I really wanted 10 unbroken hours. Now I get a bit giddy if I get more than 3 unbroken hours!

I would echo all of the supportive comments you have received; sleep deprivation is awful and having a baby is a shocking adjustment. But yes, your expectations of baby sleeping are unfortunately unreasonable. Equally unfortunately, all of our expectations have been badly manipulated by books, media, yummy mummies in our antenatal classes etc. so it's difficult to be realistic.

My favourite writer on the subject of parenting (Elizabeth Pantley who wrote the No Cry Sleep Solution and the the No Cry Nap Solution, which you don't need btw as there is no problem) suggests that 'sleeping through' is 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep at any time of the night. On that basis, DTD1 slept through at 13m and DTD2 is still struggling with the concept but since she turned 3 we're getting closer!

Everyone is different though, and I mean you as well as your DC - you might be finding the amount of sleep you are getting just as difficult as someone who is getting less just due to what you need and when. You must do what you need to do to survive this time, but I did find that sometimes just my attitude to the situation helped e.g. Don't feel that you must be up and active at 6.30am And try not to resent it - just sit on the sofa with a coffee and a magazine if that helps! Hope things get better for you soon.

7:30 - 6am? 10.5 hours at 11 months old?

Up

Are you ok?

Yes. My 12 month old does 7-5 with several wake ups inbetween. They'll sleep through when they are ready. Although I'm with you on the wanting it to happen front.

I'm fine thank you.

Had a day back at work today which was good. Feel less guilty about leaving DD at childminder