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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is a RUDE way to behave???

27 replies

SoggyGinga · 08/07/2012 12:08

Boyfriend catches me on facebook a minute ago, he tells me he's at his mothers and asks how I am. I tell him I'm ok. He asks me how my weekend has been, I begin to tell him and he says "cool, mum has just dished up curry lol, catch you later. Bye x" ??? It's not just a facebook thing, he's like this in real life. I'd took him to work one day, he was about to get out of the car and then asks me if I fancied going out later that night - I began to say "yes, I do but first I'll have to - " and with that he gets out, shuts the car door and walks off into walk saying "Bye!"
Rude, rude bastard. It really fucks me off.
Another example, we're sat at a table waiting got our meal. He asks me how my holiday was, I reply "oh it was lovely, when is it you go to Greece?" and he replies "yeah" ????? oh - my bad, he's spotted someone elses dinner and is distracted Hmm as usual I'm pushed way down the list of priorities. I call him up on it "yeah?? why did you say yeah? that makes no sense?" he looks startled and says "um? oh sorry I was distracted, what were you saying?" - yeah because I don't mind repeating myself everytime you become "distracted", honestly. So a few minutes later - I'm saying "I've been thinking, there was an advert on for Ireland a few days ago and " I am cut short with "yeah. Ummm this looks nice!!" as a waitress approaches with our meals.

AIBU or is he just fucking rude??? yes I am annoyed so apologies for namechange and the ranting but todays example ("ooo mum has just served me a meal! cya!") really fucked me off.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 08/07/2012 12:09

so why are you with him

Dawndonna · 08/07/2012 12:10

So, why are you going out with him?

SoggyGinga · 08/07/2012 12:10

There are other aspects of the relationship with make me want to be with him but this is really becomming an issue for me.

OP posts:
UnChartered · 08/07/2012 12:13

i think he's a short attention span

a bit like me trying to read your OP tbh

Dawndonna · 08/07/2012 12:13

So, you need to get him in a position where there are no distractions and discuss it, or say goodbye.
Seriously, if it's becoming an issue, then unless discussed, it'll finish anyway.

ImperialBlether · 08/07/2012 12:15

These other aspects - he's either loaded or a desperately good shag.

Which is it?

ImperialBlether · 08/07/2012 12:15

He's either got a short attention span (which you would notice in other situations too) or he's not that interested in what you are saying.

YouOldSlag · 08/07/2012 12:19

YANBU. It's rude. I need to be listened to in a relationship as a sign of respect. He's obviously not listening to you at all or paying you any attention.

I would want to leave such a relationship and find someone who says "That's interesting darling, tell me about it" etc (or some such, I know men don't really talk exactly like that but you get the picture.)

It doesn't sound like he's going to change.

HairyGrotter · 08/07/2012 12:30

With my ex, I used to have to repeat things because he'd be distracted instead of listening. I just grew tired of it, and it is so frustrating, so that was one of the reasons it ended.

YANBU it is rude, and he is unlikely to change or notice.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/07/2012 12:31

It's rude. It's disrespectful. It's a dealbreaker for me.

How long has he been your boyfriend?

YouOldSlag · 08/07/2012 12:32

I think for someone not to take any notice of you is the ultimate insult. What are you there for OP? He always seems more interested in or distracted by something else.

Get out now. Run a bet with yourself about how long he takes to notice.

SoleSource · 08/07/2012 12:38

Is he hard of hearing? If not he is an ingnorant pig. Dump him, pronto. What you have to say is valid and interesting. You'll find another. Men are like buses, miss one, another will be along shortly. Not that much diffrernce between them.

SoleSource · 08/07/2012 12:38

*difference

lovebunny · 08/07/2012 12:55

he's your ex boyfriend. point that out to him.

kickingKcurlyC · 08/07/2012 13:26

Yeah it's really rude, my husband does that with me but he's had to listen to me for ten long years.

How long have you been together?

Coconutty · 08/07/2012 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jadebond007 · 08/07/2012 16:06

I think it depends on how good the rest of the relationship is. Draw up a list of pros and cons for him and see if this is outweighed by other behaviour. If he's otherwise kind and caring, I'd try to ignore it.

Yanbu to think it's annoying though.

kickassangel · 08/07/2012 16:24

does he have problems with attention with other people/situations? any chance he's ADD?
is it only food that distracts him so much?
is it only when you're chatting?

if some/all of those are a 'yes' then prob he doesn't mean to do it, but just has a bit of an odd personality trait.

if he blanks you out, even when you're having a proper discussion, then it would be a deal breaker for me.

thebody · 08/07/2012 16:26

Get off face book and find a grown up man.

YouOldSlag · 08/07/2012 16:28

The OP isn't always on FB with him, just used that as one example. She has said he does it face to face too. I don't think FB is the problem here- it's the twat she's going out with.

curiositykitten · 08/07/2012 16:31

Have you ever properly talked to him about it, rather than casually bringing it up whilst he's distracted?

mumofjust1 · 08/07/2012 16:31

Rude.

Some people have no manners, some are ignorant bastards.

Pandemoniaa · 08/07/2012 16:44

What are his redeeming qualities? (If any)
Only the "lol" alone would have done it done it for me. Does the appearance of a curry often result in such alleged hilarity?

Sallyingforth · 08/07/2012 18:06

Next time you are with him, say "I've been wasting my time with you. Goodbye."
Come back and tell us if he noticed.

YouOldSlag · 08/07/2012 18:29

Just make up nonsense as you talk to see if he's listening "I covered the milkman with custard and ate a blackbird for lunch last Friday week" If he says "yeah" or "I know" then he's not listening. Quietly get up and walk away. For good.

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