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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people are so negative

44 replies

youngmummy17 · 08/07/2012 10:01

DS was BF for almost 18 months, we was in a cafe, BF welcome which i made sure of, this cafe was in the middle of the town centre very open, Mothercare was busy didn't fancy being crushed into a baby changing room and ds was crying for his feed so i discretely as possible BF him, girls walked past and caught eye of what was doing and just us out laughing they, told their friends and i had around 4 people look back and point and laugh at me BF DS, not only was it the most mortifying experience of my life after that i never BF in public again, i felt like shit afterwards and just and to slap this bitch, AIBU to think people are so negative of women BF in public, i mean i don't point and laugh at people eating their sandwich in public!

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 08/07/2012 10:02

how old was the girls

imnotmymum · 08/07/2012 10:04

Cannot believe that happened

thezoobmeister · 08/07/2012 10:04

Sad YANBU

But they were probably young and v v immature - the vast majority of people aren't like that - so don't let it put you off BF your next baby in public!

Original poster
youngmummy17 · 08/07/2012 10:07

hmm i was around 17 at the time they must of been around my age, also wanted to point out DS wasn't 18 months at this point he was around 4 months when he was still EBF

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 08/07/2012 10:12

silly little girls then

alphabite · 08/07/2012 10:13

So this happened over a year ago? GET OVER IT!!

germyrabbit · 08/07/2012 10:18

maybe they were just embarassed hardly negative

usualsuspect · 08/07/2012 10:20

yeah right

imnotmymum · 08/07/2012 10:20

I am guessing it was because you were the same age as them. You cannot think people are so negative because of a few girls.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/07/2012 10:23

YABU. Most normal people don't look twice these days. Silly girls that point and stare are not normal.

FutTheShuckUp · 08/07/2012 10:25

Why would you be posting about this all this time later? The mind boggles

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 08/07/2012 10:27

You do get the occasional twat around (or group of them). It is mortifying when you get laughed and pointed (or leeted) at for doing what should be seen as a natural thing in public.
You probably felt worse because, at that age, they were your peers.

Horrible thing to happen, but some people are just twats (and I also mean the late-twenties bloke who clocked that I was feeding DD in the car and shouted to his mates who all laughed). Don't dwell on it, just bask in your superiority.

ThatBastardGandhi · 08/07/2012 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imnotmymum · 08/07/2012 10:28

Perhaps to start a bf thread.

akaemmafrost · 08/07/2012 10:32

I think it doesn't really matter if it was over a year ago some things stay with you don't they?

When ds was tiny he was crying in his pram me and ex were trying to find somewhere for me to feed him privately and trying to arrange a place to meet back up after and what time as neither of us had mobiles with us. A woman walked past and stopped and said quite aggressively "your baby is CRYING you know" have often wondered if she was a mnetter it really upset me and actually made me cry as i was so stressed anyway as we were storming along trying to find somewhere to feed him. I still feel irritated now when I think of that.

Not for anyone else to tell people to get over stuff that has affected them just because THEY don't attach any importance to it IMO.

Dprince · 08/07/2012 10:32

So some teenage girls giggled at you bf over a year ago and it still bothers you. They were teenagers. They didn't act appropriately, it was over a year ago. That does not mean that everyone is negative.
The same girls may not react the same now.
Honestly, I think you need to get a grip if this creates your opinion of 'people'.

Dprince · 08/07/2012 10:35

But Emma has that made you think all people are negative, because one woman was a bitch.
Maybe its just me that doesn't give a shit about what randoms in the street think about how I choose to look after my kids.

alphabite · 08/07/2012 10:39

akaemmafrost my goodness you are overly sensitive and also need to get over the fact that a woman told you your baby was crying. Flippin eck, if that's the worst that has happened to you!

akaemmafrost · 08/07/2012 10:39

Well no, but I do think in those early days of being a mother when you are so terrified of getting it wrong and anxieties are so heightened things might stay with you or stress you out more so have a bigger affect.

akaemmafrost · 08/07/2012 10:42

No not the worst thing but for various reasons it stayed with me and I maintain that people who have not experienced others "little" upsets should not tell others to get a grip. I am sure there are incidents in your life that have bothered you that others would find laughable.

Dprince · 08/07/2012 10:48

Emma I think you are missing the point of aibu.
I think the OP is being unreasonable to be upset over something that happened over a year ago, that some teenagers giggled (possible they came from families that don't bf and haven't seen it before, I was the first for years to bf in my family and felt a little embarrassed even though they were supportive) as they passed and because she is forming an opinion of society based only on these things.
It is my opinion that she being unreasonable and should not let things like this bother her this far down the line.
Your logic could be applied to every aibu thread and that would be the end of it.

Fireandashes · 08/07/2012 10:50

I think that if you're not naturally confident, learning not to give a shit what other people think about you and your choices is something that comes slowly with age and experience, and it can be a harder lesson for some to learn than for others.

OP, think about what you'll say if your DS ever comes home and tells you some people pointed and laughed. I bet you'll tell him to ignore them, that they're silly people whose opinions don't matter, etc. It's true, they are and they don't. Try saying that to yourself if anything like that happens again, or even better, laugh right back at them. How would you have felt if, instead of curling up inside all hurt when these girls laughed, you'd laughed to your DS and said "silly girls, bet none of them would know how to look after a special little boy like you, they're just infants themselves"? Do you think you'd still be dwelling on it a year later, or do you think you would have dismissed it for the trivial event it actually was?

These girls were immature, but OP you're being the negative one - negative to yourself, because you've given these silly girls power over you that they don't deserve. Let it go, and become the positive person you could be.

akaemmafrost · 08/07/2012 10:59

This particular incident understandably upset the OP or she wouldn't have posted about it. I could read that in her OP. I think it was mean to tell her to get a grip. Sorry but I do. I do get AIBU, obviously, but I don't think it's an excuse to go in the the gloves off just because you can.

thezoobmeister · 08/07/2012 12:56

I agree with emma - can't believe how insensitive everyone is being!!!

The OP was 17 and she was publicly humiliated by her peer group at a time when every mum is most vulnerable to criticism. Don't any of you remember what it was like being 17? And I bet none of you had a baby at that age. Being upset about it a year later is totally understandable.

Honestly, AIBU is not the place to post stuff like this - you're much more likely to get an empathetic response in the breast & bottle feeding threads.

SoleSource · 08/07/2012 13:04

They're silly girls, I was at that age but didn't abuse people in the street.