to just not bother with this woman anymore?

[PollyGoHome]

My DS is four, I've been single since I was pregnant, but DS's dad has been around(ish). His mum has always made an effort to be involved, and while I don't really like the woman I'm glad DS has a relationship with her and have fully encouraged it.

I've welcomed this woman into my house and family from day one, met up for lunch with her so she can see DS sometimes as his dad doesn't see him that much, kept her updated with texts and pictures etc.

She just rang me to see if she can pop in tomorrow. Me and DS are both quite poorly at the moment so I don't fancy visitors (other than my DM armed with soup and magazines). I told her no, that me and DS are poorly and going to have a lazy recovery day so not up for visitors. She said that's fine, see you soon, bye bye..then thinking she put the phone down, I heard her say to whoever she was with 'as if it makes a change, lazy bitch!'

I'm hurt and angry and want to send her a whole number of abusive text messages. So lazy I'm raising her grandson single handedly! I work two part time jobs, put everything I have into my DS and it bloody shows, he's a great kid even if I do say so myself. My house isn't always pristine like hers is but I have a four year old not grown up children.

I've always suspected she judges me slightly, now its clear she does. WIBU to let her know from now on she can see DS on her sons time? Which will obviously mean she sees him a lot less. I don't want to be around someone who judges me and disrespects me like that?

Yeah - I remember that thread!

I'd confront her on it. I'd also think twice about my child spending time with someone who thought so little of me. Not as a form of punishment, but because attitudes are pretty obvious even if no words are said.

Another vote for what Bonnie said. It gives you the upper hand completely without being at all unpleasant.

I would send a message to this effect 'I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt my feelings when you called me a lazy birch, i'm sorry you feel that way about me as I thought we got on well. I'm assuming that spending time with someone you dislike so much is an ordeal for you so maybe you would feel more comfortable seeing DS whe his father has him.'

Slightly PA but gets the point across that she's fucked up big time and has only herself to blame!

Pollygohome

that is totally horrible, silly nasty woman, she doesn't deserve you,

I would send her a written letter, you do need to do something about this or it will continue to have the power to hurt you,

say, your comment 'as if it makes a change, lazy bitch!' has really upset me,

say how disappointed,hurt and angry you are to find out how she really feels about you,

explain that this discovery will effect your relationship with her, as you now don't have same confidence in it,

ask her to allow you some space to work through your feeling on this,

Do this now, as she will have no difficulty being undermining about you, in front of your child as he gets older, which is a hugely stressful experience for a child, hearing people say bad things about their parents.

she has already hurt her GC, by upsetting his mother, let her see her GC when her son has him, until you are sure she is non toxic.

good luck,

Agree with those who say you should let her know. I would cut contact for a while... She needs to grovel and no unsupervised visits as you cannot trust what she will say behind your back

How horrible for you. Something similar happened to me once when my mum thought she had hung up after a bit of a "colourful" discussion with me, but she hadn't. She started slagging me off to my dad and for half an hour I listened to her rubbish every aspect of my parenting, my life choices, my views (as she perceived them - incorrectly on every count) on everything, it went on and on. I should have hung up but couldn't bring myself to!

Next day I told her I had heard it all. She didn't care and was unapologetic, but ever since that day I am glad I heard it as I now know not to bother trying to win her approval any more.

Some people are just very careless with their words and you mustn't let that affect you. You can't change other people but you can change how you react to their behaviour.

I would tell this woman you heard her say that and that you're sorry she has such a negative view of you as you've always thought you got on OK and you've tried to facilitate a good relationship between her and DS. Leave it there.

agree with Crikey and Bonnie.

As she is not actually being helpful, and not babysitting or anything like this, but spend time with him with you around, I think you would be justified in sending a mail saying something like:

"Dear Mavis, I heard you call me a lazy bitch as we hung up yesterday. As you can imagine, I am feeling extremely hurt by this. I am raising Tim single-handedly as your son is not around much for Tim, and I work two part time jobs to make ends meet. I have also found time to spend with you so you can see Tim on a regular basis. I am not too keen on spending time with a person who clearly does not like me, and judge me, so I think it might be best if you spend time with Tim when he is with his dad"

What Quint said. Word for word.

what Quint said, maybe with one slight alteration: "so I think it might be best if you only spend time with Tim when he is with his dad"

Send Quint's text with Dutchy's modification. What a nerve that woman has.

Thankyou all for your advice and support

Update:

Texted her today saying: Hi cowbag(not really), I just thought I'd let you know that I heard you insult me when you thought you'd hung up yesterday. So from now on your relationship with DS will be your sons responsibility, and you can see him on his time. I'm sorry it had to come to this, but I'm very hurt by what you said.

She's replied denying it, and is now saying we can go to court and she wants the money she gave me for DS when he was born (500 pounds) back?!

she is mad...

Wow, what a nutter.

What good would her going to court do? GPs no longer have any rights unless it will make an extreme difference, I am pretty sure.

I would be surprised if she could even make it to court,nothing has really happened that a court would be interested in and unless she can prove the money she gave you was a loan ( which it doesn't sound like) she wouldn't have much success trying to get it back off you. If you want to salvage the relationship ask her again for an apology, if not just let her think ove what she's done for a day or two and see what happens.

grandparents have no rights so don't worry about this.

is there any evidence of this money? any paperwork proving it was anything other than a gift?

she sounds like a bitch and is trying to scare you innto doing what she wants.

Don't respond, and don't delete any texts from her.
Dont let her tempt you into a bitching match by text with her.

Ignore her now. And well done!

She sounds a complete loon. Keep any texts she sends in case you need evidence that she's a crazy person who is harrassing you.

What gentleness said. And definitely face to face if you can bear to.

wow - you'd think she'd apologise! But to turn nasty immediately shows you did the right thing!

ps she can ask her son for money she gave to his baby!

What a witch she is. Sounds like she's just reacting defensively as she was caught out. I doubt anything will come of the court thing or wanting the money back. Ignore her but as others said don't delete any communications from her.

This agro is probably the last thing you need when not feeling well :( put your feet up and forget about her, she does not sound like a nice person.

Tell her going to court would be pointless as you aren't stopping her from seeing her grandchild, just changing it so that the access is through her son not you. Don't even mention the money.