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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never invite/allow anybody into my house again?

49 replies

Sluttybuttons · 07/07/2012 21:31

Im done being judged because my house is a mess. Its very clear that my family only tolerate me because of my kids. Im pretty sure they think im a shit mum just because i dont do things the same way they do it. Im told they dont expect a "show home" but thats exactly what they expect. No my house isnt always tidy but even when it is, its not good enough. So basically im done and dont want anybody in my house.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/07/2012 21:32

Why ban everyone from your house just because your family are being ridiculous?

It's not really fair on the kids if they can't have friends around etc

Original poster
Sluttybuttons · 07/07/2012 21:35

Sorry should have said twins are nearly 2 and oldest is 7. I have 1 friend who i will let in but that is because she come to see us and not to inspect the house. But other than her i dont want anybody here

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 07/07/2012 21:38

I wouldn't think too highly of people who thought they they had the right to tell me how to do my fucking housework

If it's not good enough for them, and how tidy your house is more important to them than your company, then they should be invited to stay away.

lovebunny · 07/07/2012 21:40

i've done this for at least ten years and its left me with a mess of a house that i daren't let anyone in!
don't shut people out. find 'flylady' instead.
clean up, open up, welcome people.
the other way is miserable.

Herrena · 07/07/2012 21:40

Sounds like you have bigger issues with your family than their opinion of your home TBH.

SeventhEverything · 07/07/2012 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2012 21:41

I do understand why you don't want your family visiting as they sound awful

But I don't understand why you would only allow 1 of your friends in.

Doesn't your 7yr old have friends around? Surely their parents must come and pick them up?

No-one should expect your house to be a show home and if you're happy with the condition it's in, it's none of your family's business.

RandomMess · 07/07/2012 21:43

Your family sound awful Sad

However having people over to encourage you to have a whip around tidying and hoovering is a good thing!

Do you need to declutter as that does make keep a house tidier much easier.

We don't have a show home either, I don't like them tbh I like a home to be clean but lived in.

AnnieLobeseder · 07/07/2012 21:44

You need to grow a thicker skin. Our house is always messy because it's just too small to keep tidy. There's simply not enough space to put everything away. And we're not remotely houseproud. I have a cleaner once a week, it's hygienic, just messy. But I don't give a flying fuck about anyone else's opinion.

I might not ask people back if they were openly judgey about my house. But only because they would tell me that they're unpleasant people, not because I care what they think.

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2012 21:55

You say it's your family who criticise, but you don't want to let anyone in but one friend.

Do they have a point?

CanISawItOff · 07/07/2012 21:59

op YANBU because my family are exactly the same.

For instance, FIL came over the other day for no other reason than to use our WiFi to download some shit onto his kindle he walked in the front door and the first thing he said was "she hasn't done the ironing son" followed by "doesn't she do ANY housework around here?" DP could see I was seething and asked his dad to leave before I launched at him. This goes alongside the neighbours standing outside our front windows (which is next to their front door) and openly criticise our front garden and laugh about it to their friends whenever they visit.

Our house isn't a showhome, but it's not Kim and Aggie state either! We've taken on a house that needs a LOT of work doing on it, inside and out, and we have no money to do it. We both work full time and I am disabled so time is limited too.

I have tried flylady but it doesn't work, it's irritating if anything, and presumes your house is Kim and Aggie-fied. Im like you OP, I go to bed crying because of other people's opinions of me and the house and how EVERYONE thinks I am a slovenly skank and it should be MY sole responsibility to run the house, never mind DP, he's allowed to put his feet up and relax on his days off but mine, mine must be spent doing nothing but housework.

I hate how other people make me feel. So I'm joining you in banning them all from the house. Sod it.

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2012 22:01

Stop banning people from your houses! Grin

Seriously, either grow a thicker skin or tidy up a bit more.

If you lived on your own then I'd say YANBU but if you don't then it's unfair on the people you live with to ban their friends from the house too.

Original poster
Sluttybuttons · 07/07/2012 22:04

I hate my house, its cluttered and messy and if i could chuck everything out and start again i would.

I only have 1 friend who can visit my other friend (yeah i pretty much have 2 friends) lives hours away

OP posts:
AllieZ · 07/07/2012 22:08

I've yet to see a house that cannot be tidied. Drill from Argos, shelves and screws from B&Q and you can create loads of space in any room. Plastic boxes from Tesco. OP, YABU. Clean the place and invite people in. As someone said: what happens when your 7-year-old has friends over and their parents come pick them up?

CanISawItOff · 07/07/2012 22:09

I hate this house too. It's DP's childhood home and it desperately needs decorating but it takes about 3 months per room to convince him it needs doing. The carpet is as old as him and is disgusting yet he thinks its fine and that the house just needs to be tidyed and it will be fine Hmm

I am a houseproud person underneath and that's why having a thick skin won't help. I desperately want a wonderful showhome house but I can't because of money, time and physical ability. I don't need my sexist judgmental family to tell me that it's a state and that it's all my fault for being a shit woman. I know it is.

sluttybuttons are your family like mine, they'll stand and criticise but offer nothing by way of help, assistance or say anything constructive?

marriedinwhite · 07/07/2012 22:11

Our house is never immaculately tidy, rarely tidy at all. It is not a show home. Even in the "best" room there is always a bit of discarded clutter. My mother wants me to live in a "show home" and to be the house proud, air headed, party girl of a ringletted daughter she wanted. Am 51 now. I know I will never ever please my mother but I would like to. I think I would have pleased a lot of other mothers but it has been a long journey.

Providing you are not living in a tip you are fine - let others in and be happy. I know lots of people with untidier houses than ours.

Original poster
Sluttybuttons · 07/07/2012 22:12

my 7 year old does have her friend over but given the bedrooms are so small and the twins take over the living room they play outside in the garden. DDs friends mum is my friend and the chances are she is only my friend because the kids are friends

OP posts:
babyheaves · 07/07/2012 22:13

My house is an utter shit pit. It will be a tidy show home in approximately 2025 when my children will have left home and I can afford a really good cleaner.

I get comments from my mum and MIL. I've told them they're welcome to come and get it up to their standards whenever they want. They've not taken me up on it. Bastards.

So I feel your pain, but not inviting anyone round again sounds a bit drastic to me.

babyheaves · 07/07/2012 22:14

Also sluttybuttons, you sound a bit down. three small children is bloody hard work, so give yourself a break and ignore the naysayers.

marriedinwhite · 07/07/2012 22:15

This sounds like self esteem rather than your house sluttybuttons. Are you possibly a bit depressed? Are there other things going on? You have to learn to love yourself before you can let others love you.

Original poster
Sluttybuttons · 07/07/2012 22:16

I dont get to give myself a break. I am always down but thats just the way life is

OP posts:
blisterpack · 07/07/2012 22:16

I think there is a problem when you say "the chances are she is only my friend because the kids are friends". Do you feel uncomfortable about inviting people over? Not your family but others.

Original poster
Sluttybuttons · 07/07/2012 22:17

There is so much going on but this is what is getting me to me most at the moment. Im not gonna ever get to the point where i even like myself so i really dont think ill ever learn to love myself

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 07/07/2012 22:18

Always being down is not the way life is; it's the way life is if you need some help to deal with it and don't reach out for it.

Herrena · 07/07/2012 22:23

I dont get to give myself a break. I am always down but thats just the way life is

That may be how you feel, but it's not a healthy way to go through life op. You can take a realistic view but still be optimistic about things too. I sympathise because it can be bloody hard work to take that approach but I honestly believe you'd feel better for it. Living your life mired down in 'well it's crap but there's nothing I can do about it' is miserable.

Is it possible you're feeling a bit sensitive about your home (mine is messy as hell by the way) and so have interpreted family attitudes as being worse than they are? I'm always more sensiive to family comments than friends' comments, probably because I am more relaxed around my friends Grin