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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or a miserable old cow? Neighbours drinking in the street.

52 replies

ColouringIn · 07/07/2012 07:27

I was lucky enough to be offered a housing association house 18 months ago because my son is autistic and needs access to an enclosed garden to keep him safe. The street I am in is a cul-de-sac and very safe, right on the edge of town, has views over farmland a the back and is altogether a lovely house.

Since I have moved in I have loved living here with one exception. As soon as the weather warms up two or three neighbouring houses start to party. The parties (or drinking essions) are ad-hoc and involve three to four houses around me. The adults sit on the kerb or on the small front gardens and drink plus smoke while the children run about. This would be fine but the adukts frequently get very lairy and start shouting and laughing plus swearing. Two nights ago for example a friend of theirs drove up the street to shouts of "Oy Jezza you fucking cunt" followed by lots of ribald laughter.

I am fed up with it to be honest and have registered my details on Homeswapper because I honestly think putting all social housing together does not work and I wwould be better off in an area where the housing is older and mixed between social and private.

I should add the individually there is nothing wrong with my neighbours, they are all nice, all work and all friendly but I am fed up with the ad-hoc parties/get togethers in the street.

Am I being a miserable old bag though? They are doing no harm (apart from the swearing) and just because I would not behave in this way doesn't mean they can't does it?

So confused about what to do, I really really DON'T want to have to pack up and move again but am starting to feel I have no option. I don't want my son exposed to this ....but then I start to feel I am being a bit precious.

Could you cope with it?

OP posts:

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 07/07/2012 07:31

I don't think that you are being precious at all. It is not an environment in which you want your son to be, and you have every right to feel that way.

Not sure what you could do about it, though, other than move. There are no guarantees that moving will be the answer though .

YANBU at all.

JeezyPeeps · 07/07/2012 07:34

So, two or three neighbouring houses start to party and it involves three or four houses?

I could cope with it but can understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Chances are though, wherever he goes he'll hear solar at school. And there's no guarantee that neighbours in your new place will be better.

If you get on with thd neighbours, that's a big plus - after all you read on here many stories about difficult neighbours.

Umm - so I think I'm saying 'I don't know what you should do'.

ivykaty44 · 07/07/2012 07:34

I think you have to weigh up whether you could move somewhere else and something worse may be at the new neighbourhood.

TBH as the weather has been so awful this summer is it likely they will have many of these adhoc drinking sessions?

If these neighbours are pleasant people who work and are nice to you - but have the odd adhoc party - is it really worth packing up and moving on to the unknown?

JeezyPeeps · 07/07/2012 07:35

Autocorrect gah! Similar at school! Not solar.

slartybartfast · 07/07/2012 07:36

at least they are getting on, not fighting in the streets.
ok the language isnt good.
if they are noisy after 11 pm you could ring housing association
for 6 months of the year or so the weather wont be amenable to these sort of parties. come the winter you may never see them or hear them.
so give it time,

QuietNinjaObsessing · 07/07/2012 07:37

If the neighbours are nice can you ask them to tone the language down? Just say you don't want your son picking it up. Then every time they have a party give them a nod and a wave to remind them.

wheremommagone · 07/07/2012 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ColouringIn · 07/07/2012 07:43

Yes - am thinking about the fact it could be out of the frying pan and into the fire if I move.

I was thinking two or three neighbours but actually it's from four properties all around me involving neighbour to my immediate left, her neighbour and two houses opposite.

To be fair they are usually indoors by 9pm but it's the language and fag ends left in the road which irritates me. The fact they are indoors by 9pm though makes me feel I am being unreasonable about it.

And yes....the crappy weather has curtailed them somewhat this year

OP posts:

WaitingForMe · 07/07/2012 07:44

We own a nice house on a nice street. Neighbours on one side are like us as is the rest of the street but on the other side are a lairy couple that are very annoying (get drunk a lot and swear, don't train their dogs who they also don't walk so they're always yelling at them, ignore their sweet little boy and yell at him a lot too). I don't think it's social housing per say unfortunately and just the luck of the draw.

If everything else is good then just try to live with it. We have a pretty good relationship with our neighbours and ultimately suck it up (and surely there are only so many accidents you can have falling drunk off a trampoline before you get a residential stay in hospital thus earning us some peace).

ll31 · 07/07/2012 07:46

Would hate that but other than parties sounds lovely-no where s perfect-so really would not be sure what to so-no help sorry!

ivykaty44 · 07/07/2012 07:46

could you let the nieghbours know your dc repeats everything - and you mean everything so when he told his teacher/whatever

Oy Jezza you fucking cunt

you really didn't know how to tackle this as he doesn't understand its wrong?

Rubirosa · 07/07/2012 07:52

I would love getting together with neighbours in the street on a sunny evening while the children all play together! It sounds idyllic to me

PurplePidjin · 07/07/2012 07:59

I live in a mixed HA and private area. I've had hired thugs break into my house mistaking it for the one where the junkie dealers lived with their feral 6yo. I've had illegal dog breeders (banned breeds). I've had rat and seagull problems from unbagged nappies. I've had parents leaving their 2 and 3yo to play out unsupervised next to steep concrete steps that lead directly onto a main road.

A bit of bad language? I'd join them for a beer! and make cats bum faces when they swore

TheCountessOlenska · 07/07/2012 08:06

I have similar in that I live in an area of mainly student rentals - if it's a sunny evening they're all in their back yards (girls are the worst shriek, shriek, shriek ). In my case though, at least they go home for the summer!!

It only really bugs me because I think it might wake DD, but actually it doesn't bother her!

I would put up with it if I was you - no where is perfect and agree with posters who said you won't hear from them in bad weather/ all through winter!

Callisto · 07/07/2012 08:14

Gosh, I would be asking to join them too. How lovely to have friendly neighbours.

DawnOfTheDee · 07/07/2012 08:19

I can see how you'd be unhappy with the swearing and litter but if they're inside by 9pm and otherwise friendly you could be a lot worse off. As some other posters have said 'better the devil you know'. That said it doesn't sound like you're a miserable old cow at all! Why don't you go out and join them every now and then....not sure what you could do about the swearing but maybe you could show them the way with picking up rubbish i.e. bringing a bin out or making sure they see you clearing up anything you bring out? Just an idea!

Latara · 07/07/2012 08:27

Nice to have friendly neighbours; but not great if they are loud & lairy
pissheads who swear a lot in front of your DC & you just aren't like that.

I do think it's 'better the devil' you know sometimes though - remain pleasant & friendly but just keep an eye on things.
I've had neighbours in private, rented & HA accommodation who've behaved lked this - but it's better to hear noisy neighbours who like you than noisy neighbours that actually want to make your life hell.

SquidgyBiscuits · 07/07/2012 08:29

I think you're being a little unreasonable if they're inside by 9pm. I wouldn't say it makes you miserable, but you can't expect people to be quiet from early on.

That said, if the swearing offends you, speak to them about it.

NettoSuperstar · 07/07/2012 08:35

It sounds like where I live too.
It really doesn't bother me. My DD is 10 and has heard plenty of swearing from me.
There are drugs and in fighting, but that doesn't affect us, and it's separate to the parties, which though they can be loud, are not aggressive in any way, and yes, usually all inside by 9.
I've never felt unsafe here, or had bother from anyone.
I'd honestly let it go. Don't get involved, but smile and be polite, and let your son know it's not OK to repeat the swear words.

Original poster

ColouringIn · 07/07/2012 08:36

at the idea of joining them - might actually do that one evening and then tell them off when they swear.

Yeah I am being a but unreasonable I think - I am thinking it through but it's good to hear other people's responses.

My mother's opinion? From a woman bought up on a council estate, never had two brass farthings to rub together it was "how common"

OP posts:

hotheels · 07/07/2012 08:39

I have lived in many different areas, h.a., council and private and have to be honest the worst neighbours I had were in the 'nicest' area, parties that lasted whole weekends (there was no break in music, loud swearing and obvious drug dealing/taking) we live in council now and the neighbours are generally chilled out and quiet. I think you are quite lucky really compared to what my family and I experienced. It was impossible to live at home at weekends and we had to pack the car up on a Friday night and stay at pils.

marymary40 · 07/07/2012 08:45

I dont think you arebeing miserable - it would upset mostnormal people but Iam not sure moving from such a lovely sounding house is the answer. You couldwap to somewhere worse and for how often it is hot enough to sit out and drink - it is really that much of a problem.

Perhaps next time it get loud call the police (mist forces have a non emergency number- think it is 101) and report it as anti social behaviour. Oh just report it generally to your local police and ask if the pcsos can walk the area on warm nights.

Definately dont make any direct complaint to the neighbours yourself - I dont think that will work.

bonkersLFDT20 · 07/07/2012 08:46

"as soon as the weather warms up" you say. So, that'll be about 3 days this year then!

It's not great, but as long as they are not disturbing your sleep or leaving glass lying about I'd put up with I think. Is there a fair bit of movement within social housing areas? If so, you might find you have different neighbours next year.

JeezyPeeps · 07/07/2012 08:49

I'm loving marymary's possibly unintentional dig at those of us who have said we could cope with it.

I didn't realise I was abnormal :)

marymary40 · 07/07/2012 08:54

oh god no i was not having a dig - I just meant that sort of loud swearing would upset many people.

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