or a miserable old cow? Neighbours drinking in the street.

[ColouringIn]

I was lucky enough to be offered a housing association house 18 months ago because my son is autistic and needs access to an enclosed garden to keep him safe. The street I am in is a cul-de-sac and very safe, right on the edge of town, has views over farmland a the back and is altogether a lovely house.

Since I have moved in I have loved living here with one exception. As soon as the weather warms up two or three neighbouring houses start to party. The parties (or drinking essions) are ad-hoc and involve three to four houses around me. The adults sit on the kerb or on the small front gardens and drink plus smoke while the children run about. This would be fine but the adukts frequently get very lairy and start shouting and laughing plus swearing. Two nights ago for example a friend of theirs drove up the street to shouts of "Oy Jezza you fucking cunt" followed by lots of ribald laughter.

I am fed up with it to be honest and have registered my details on Homeswapper because I honestly think putting all social housing together does not work and I wwould be better off in an area where the housing is older and mixed between social and private.

I should add the individually there is nothing wrong with my neighbours, they are all nice, all work and all friendly but I am fed up with the ad-hoc parties/get togethers in the street.

Am I being a miserable old bag though? They are doing no harm (apart from the swearing) and just because I would not behave in this way doesn't mean they can't does it?

So confused about what to do, I really really DON'T want to have to pack up and move again but am starting to feel I have no option. I don't want my son exposed to this ....but then I start to feel I am being a bit precious.

Could you cope with it?

I find my neighbours quite entertaining, and have been known to take photos and put them on FB to entertain other MNetters

They really are harmless to the casual outsider. I see problems here and they happen either where drugs are involved, or when you start getting too far involved with gossip, neither of which I have anything to do with.

Yes not sure i would say anything about the swearing - they may seem nice but if people know something that they consider to be either a) inoffensive or b) 'big & clever' irritates you then they might do it even more - just like children do.
I once worked with a group of men who constantly swore; i just got a mouthful of (good natured) swearwords back when i asked them why they swore so much.
Best leave it. Go out & say hi briefly; but don't join in the drinking unless they offer first - you don't want them to sense that you don't feel comfortable with their behaviour because they could decide to pick on you. Not saying that they will do that - it's just that some people would.

Re: your Mum - yes my Dad & all my friends' Dads grew up very poor on council estates; but never swear because it's 'rough' except when behind the wheel

Coming at this from a different angle, consider how old your son is and how independent he's likely to become.
Is he going to be out and about in the community, either with you or alone? How do your neighbours respond to him at the moment?
Because I'd take foul language and a party atmosphere that accepted my son's differences with tolerance and humour over a 'nice' area with exclusion, taunting and violence as possibilities.
Are your current neighbours kind and inclusive?

Also people behave differently when drunk. They can turn unpleasant when they wouldn't normally; as you're probably aware. You are 'different' to them - you are an 'outsider' at the moment because you are new to the street. So just stick to sharing the occasional cuppa until you are really sure about them.

(Sorry if that sounds a bit paranoid!)

I live in an ex council house so I live in a place similar to you and TBH its swings and roundabouts the flats near me will sit out in the nice weather PFTT NOT THIS SUMMER, and have a drink and a laugh the police will go to other flats most weekends but yet i have lived here 19 years and have had no major issues i like where i live, if you have a nice house your son has his garden then a few parties a year I wouldnt give up the house because of a few partying neighbours,

I think you should move, if you are going to spend your time there sneering at your neighbours.

You obviously feel superior to the 'council house tenants' best all round if you find yourself a nice leafy avenue to live in.

me usualsuspect

No not you , the OP

Not a bragging post but we live on a very nice private new build estate.

We are always partying on the front

It's us and another 4/5 houses but anyone would be welcomed and I would have no objections to being asked to keep the noise down or tone down the language.

To be honest, I'd be happy if my neighbours got on that well/I knew my neighbours that well. They sound quite sociable, and at least they're done by 9. If you like the area otherwise, I would stick with it (and join them on occasion).

The language isn't great, but as long as yout DC know that they are not permitted to use the same language, it shouldn't be a problem.

I agree with PurplePidjin. I live in HA house in a mixed social and private housing area. Be thankful they go in at 9pm. Here all our back gardens overlook each others in a small close at the back. As soon as there's some sun quite a few of my neighbours start having barbecues with loud music that carry on on until about 4am.

ok ok usual just I mentioned council housing the OP said H A

Sorry mrsjay

The fag ends and partying I'd be ok with (not desperately thrilled by smoking or litter but each to their own). The loud language in front of my kids i'd be seriously pissed off with.

Some people think swearing is ok in front of children. I don't.

Its fine usual i am in a bit PMTy and very sensitive today

The best swearing I heard from neighbours went like this

yer a fucking cunt and shove your engagement ring up yer arse so far that you are shitting it for a week I howled with laughter even the kids sniggered

Just throwing un my ten pence worth, ask if you can join them one evening. Make friends with them and then you will feel OK asking them to tone down on the eff words. It can be done in a jokey way so you dont feel uncomfortable.

The worst they are doing is swearing. I know it's not pleasant but they could be doing a lot worse. Better the Devil you know. I hope it all works for you and just remember that the nights will be drawing in soon although this doesn't deter my neighbours as they like to party all year around.

Agree with Usual, the tone of your op is a bit 'looking down your nose at the commoners'

I think you could probably deal with this quite well, depending on your approach. If you go in friendly and openly, and say how nice it is to see neighbours getting together and then casually drop in a bit later in a jokey way, how embarrassed you were when your child repeated 'oy jezza you fucking cunt at school, you'll probably find they improve things anyway. Most people are decent and antisocial behaviour is often more down to lack of thought rather than anything else.

I once spoke to a group of very lairy teens at my local park who were swearing like sailors, and said I didn't want to spoil their fun, and I didn't personally care about the swearing, but I was having real issues with my DC repeating things so if they could just tone it down a bit while we were there we'd really, really appreciate it. They were really apologetic and as good as gold after that. One of them even pushed my DS on the swings. If I'd gone in all huffy and snobby, it could have seriously backfired though.

MrsJay
The only time I was really pissed off was when two girls were having a screaming catfight, because they were behind a tree and we couldn't see them

Swop you, please? ?

My neighbour is currently having her regular shouting fight with her teenage son, this starts about 8am every Saturday and carries on till about 11pm Sunday with highlights repeated for an hour+ most evenings.

And I mean full volume shouting, police have been called on several occasions.

I can be a bit PA, so if I were you I'd sit out with them, and the next time someone swears I laugh then go 'Oh no did DS hear that, he repeats EVERTHING, and I mean everything. You can't say anything in front of him that you don't want the world to know'

I'm assuming that they know he's autistic?

The fact that they pack it in by 9 sounds like they are generally sense able

No I am not looking down on them at all, as I said they are nice people and friendly. It's just the ad hoc parties which irritate me - I certainly don't have any reason to look down on them. I am in social housing too after all - my mother however, is a different age and a different matter .

No we have the parties on the spur of the moment if the weather is warm enough - which it was on Thursday evening.

Yeah - might do as smells suggests as that sounds a good way of addressing it without upsetting anyone. I'll por myself a glass of wine and plonk myself on the front step - I can sort out dead heading the pot flowers at the same time.