to expect that XP cough up towards the cost of expensive school trip?

[shrimponastick]

XP isn't loaded. However, he pays minimal maintenance for our DS - and no extras.

My DH pays his XP very well - and half towards all extra expenses - i.e. school trips, uniform, any extras really that are necessary.

So, DS has a big school trip next week. I have repeatedly requested that XP contribute towards it. (also towards music lessons, Scout camps.... yada yada yada). He has just brought home a letter detailing a school trip next year - and it is just short of £1000. It is a trip to Iceland. Sounds fab!

Would it be fair to expect that XP pays some of it? I don't anticipate that he will pay anywehre near half.. But it would be appreciated if he showed willing.

He seems content to let my DH pay for my DS.

Oh, and general grumble.. he doesn't EVER take him away on holiday. Or make up any time which he m isses due to his own holidays! Whereas DSSs come with us for at least two weeks out of the year.

is he just a nobber??

ANt - yes, I agree with that philosophy. As i said it is just now and again when stuff crop up that I get a bit angry.

Twilight - It isn't the money so much perhaps as the time. The money he pays doesn't really cover much anyway - so I wouldn't miss it. However, the time he could spend with DS would be so much more valuable and appreciated all round. There is more to being a parent than money - and a token every other weekend visit.

Am logging off now - need to make dinner.

Thank you all for your thoughts on this subject.

OP I was just thinking. Is it the fact that he isn't prepared to contribute anything that grates. In which case I absolutely understand.

My ex wants my daughter to learn violin.

The note from school came home with the price of the violin lessons and he phoned me and TOLD me to pay half.

I said no.

You want her to do violin, you pay.

I don't see that it's that different.

(I do pay for lots of other things)

I got the impression the OP would just be pleased if he contributed SOMETHING. If that's the case, then she is being completely reasonable to be angry!

He is your DS's father... he should WANT to contribute! Not just do the bare minimum! He is a nobber... just not as much as my ExH, who contributes no time or money!

However, if you are setting an amount he can't manage to pay or just throwing it at him out of the blue, you aren't being reasonable at all.

All this "the bare minimum".

Depending on his salary, that might actually be quite a lot.

In any case, the trip is expensive and you seem to be taking it as a given that the child should go. Unless the parents arc well off, then such a trip is surely a one off luxury. If you think he can afford to cough up 500 willy nilly, then it sounds like his salary, and therefore the maintenance you rd rive, are actually quite high. Maybe therefore he thinks this is sufficient contribution, way over and beyond basic costs.

If he doesn't earn a lot, then yabu to expect DS to be able to go on such an expensive trip, unless you yourself are well off in which case you should pay

Is this more about seeing how your DH treats his non-resident sons (ie spending extra time & money on them) and thinking your son deserves to be treated this well by his father? If so YABU, he's your ex-P precisely because he is a nobber & you shouldn't expect any better! But YANBU to want him to treat all his DC equally.