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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or does my sister appear to have a favourite?

42 replies

CherryBlossom27 · 06/07/2012 08:28

I'm going to be brave and ask - please tell me nicely if you think I've got it all wrong! AIBU is a scary place but I know I'll get honest opinions!

I'm going to visit family at the weekend as they live 4 hours away and it's the first time we've been to visit them since DS was born in December 11. My Mum has been to visit us 3 times and my brother (in his thirties) has been up twice. My half sister (18 years old & different mum just to clarify) has been to visit once and stayed two nights with us in the middle of a week long visit to her older boyfriend who lives near us (that's another thread in itself, she also stayed with him for a week in February, but didn't tell us or visit us).

Anyway, we're planning to travel on a Friday after DH finishes work as he can't get time off work and arrive at midnight. We will leave Sunday evening so DH doesn't have to take any time off work.

So I texted my sister asking if she was free on this particular weekend, along with a couple of other people including an elderly relative who hasn't yet met DS and a best friend from school who has a newborn baby.

Anyway as she was last to get back in contact, we had already arranged other meet ups with people, so I asked if she was free Saturday morning about 11am ish and then we could drive straight from her house to my friends house afterwards, otherwise it involves driving backwards and forwards twice in a day covering approximately 60 miles!

Sister texted back saying she would prefer to see us at breakfast time in case she's asked to go into work early (not due to start until 2pm) and her mum looks after her nephew (my ex step sisters 15 month old) on Friday nights and that she (my sister) feeds him lunch on Saturdays.

I then explained that we are hoping to have a bit of a lie in on Saturday morning after the drive and also that we don't really want to drive to/from her house then an hour later drive to/from my friends house, I also said it's fine if her other nephew is having lunch as my DS will be too. So she texted back basically saying well lets not meet up then and I'll see you another time.

Reading it all back it seems a bit silly, but aibu or does she seem to be prioritising her other nephew?

She sees her other nephew one day in the week and Friday nights and Saturdays, but she's seen my DS once in his life! I feel a bit offended really, but maybe she's just being an unthinking teenager. I don't even mind sharing the time with her other nephew! I would say we could rearrange for Sunday, but my brother has arranged for us to meet his girlfriend for the first time and we've already arranged to see the elderly relative, plus my sister is working on Sunday as well.

Also I do realise it's not the most serious thing in the world, but just interested how an impartial outsider would see it!

It's very long, so thanks if you've got this far!

OP posts:
Hullygully · 06/07/2012 08:30

She's 18.

It's all about her.

The end.

Ruudiluca · 06/07/2012 08:31

YANBU for some reason it does seem that she is reluctant to meet. How odd Confused.

Hullygully · 06/07/2012 08:32

You could ring her sat morn and see if she has to go to work or not and i not go over there and then t friend's?

ENormaSnob · 06/07/2012 08:33

Yabu

Plus she could say you were prioritising a lie in over seeing her.

ObiWan · 06/07/2012 08:37

I think YABU.

She is possibly prioritising the nephew she sees all the time. They have a long-standing arrangement and she does not want to 'let him down'.

Your baby is a stranger to her really, and there will be plenty more opportunities for them to meet.

Original poster
CherryBlossom27 · 06/07/2012 08:39

Yes I tink you're right Hully :o

OP posts:
WandaDoff · 06/07/2012 08:39

I think I'm with Hully on this one.

DronesClub · 06/07/2012 08:45

If your visiting family and cramming everyone in to a short period of time -then you don't get a lie in! (bitter ... me.... no!)
Can't you have breakfast there, and if you have a gap between finishing with her and your friend just go to a park, lunch out or somewhere local to them both?

chaseandcatch · 06/07/2012 08:47

It all sound pathetic to me. Your son is the centre of your universe but you have no right to demand he is for others, esp when your sister is only 18 has rarely seen your DS and has zero bond with him. If you can't compromise when you meet then why should she?
No having a baby doesn't mean you get to demand the where's and when's that very PFB behaviour.

chaseandcatch · 06/07/2012 08:49

Forgot to add, she must be quite close to her other nephew having a strong bond with him so she probably does favour him what's wrong with that?

TheSpokenNerd · 06/07/2012 08:50

What Hully said. Didn't you know that 18 year old's are the most important thing in the world?

confusedpixie · 06/07/2012 08:51

But you want a lie in, so you are prioritising lie in over seeing her. YABU and I don't think she's BU either actually. Maybe her other Nephew doesn't react well to strangers? Or is very fussy and demanding at lunch times so she won't want company around to make it worse, etc. Or she could be a normal 18yo who doesn't think waiting a bit longer is a problem.

CurrySpice · 06/07/2012 08:54

You haven't been to see them all for 19 months and you expect everyone to drop everything to fit your schedule? And your dh can't take one day off work to facilitate a visit to your family? No wonder they don't feel like the centre of your world eh?

Sorry that sounds a bit harsh. But your op seemed to be all about what suits you and not anyone else.

Original poster
CherryBlossom27 · 06/07/2012 08:57

chase thanks for the gentle reply :o yes I agree it's all a bit pathetic! I think it's really sad that she has zero bond with my DS, I'd like her to have some sort of bond with him, but how can that happen if she doesn't see him? I don't expect my DS to be her no.1 nephew, but I'd like him to be seen once in a while.

Drones yes by lie in my lie ins are perhaps a hopeful 8am! DS has once slept to 9am but that was a miracle :) Usually he's awake around 6.30am practising press ups in his cot!

The meeting up with everyone was just done on a first come first serve basis to be honest. The elderly relative is in her late eighties and not going to be able to come to visit us, and my friend with a newborn isn't able to travel up to stay with us for a good while (cost of travelling, we don't have enough space for them to stay overnight, I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to come to us).

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryBlossom27 · 06/07/2012 08:59

Also forgot to add, she's not expected to look after her other nephew on her own as her mum will be there too and I don't see a problem with her other nephew being there at the same time? My DS loves watching the bigger kids, his face lights up at the play and stay groups we go to!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 06/07/2012 08:59

Right, so you've prioritised everyone else but expect your sister to fall in line with what suits you?

CurrySpice · 06/07/2012 09:01

If you want her to have a bond with your d's, take him to see her more often than every 19 months.

Hullygully · 06/07/2012 09:03

If she has to go into work early, how will she be back to give nephew lunch? Confused

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 06/07/2012 09:18

I'm at a bit of a loss to understand why you think she would want to go to any effort to see you tbh?
You're her half sister, so basically to her your mother is the OW or to you her mother is the OW, and you live several hours apart. It's not like you're twins or anything, just related by chance really. She's 18 and already gets lumped with one nephew at weekends, what makes you think she wants to see another one?
Your baby is the centre of your world, not hers. To her he's just a baby.

mummytime · 06/07/2012 09:23

Sorry but I do think YABU. She is 18. Not everyone is as into your son as you are. People also relate better to kids at different ages. Maybe she is fine and confident with toddlers but not so much babies, she may even be a great Aunt when he is 6 and she can play football. Maybe she feels nervous about having him around. Maybe she knows the other Nephew has issues and won't cope well with change.
Trying to see everyone in 48 hours is too much. If you can only visit very occasionally then why not take some holiday so you can see people at leisure? Or organise something like a big get together Sunday lunch (can be in a local Brewers Fair or somewhere).

Original poster
CherryBlossom27 · 06/07/2012 09:26

Curryspice hope you don't mind me asking, but are you my (ex) stepmum?

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 06/07/2012 09:26

YABU she is 18 has her saturday routine and you want a lie in not everybody can or wants to drop everything iyswim , dont do that she likes him more than my son it isnt fair on anybody

Original poster
CherryBlossom27 · 06/07/2012 09:28

pombears no other women, my mum had well and truly dumped my dad before he'd meet my sisters mum, we have a ten year age gap, so no bad feelings at all from either mums and my step mum was always really nice to me when I went to visit and see my dad.

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 06/07/2012 09:30

YABU

She's done nothing wrong and you're prioritising a lie in over her seeing you and your son and then moaning about them not having a bond.

EightiesChick · 06/07/2012 09:31

Hully has nailed it here. Let it go.

In response to the posts saying 'but you just expect her to fit in with you' I thought the OP had contacted people but her sister was the last to respond so all the other slots on the dance card had filled up, as it were.

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