Aibu or does my sister appear to have a favourite?

[CherryBlossom27]

I'm going to be brave and ask - please tell me nicely if you think I've got it all wrong! AIBU is a scary place but I know I'll get honest opinions!

I'm going to visit family at the weekend as they live 4 hours away and it's the first time we've been to visit them since DS was born in December 11. My Mum has been to visit us 3 times and my brother (in his thirties) has been up twice. My half sister (18 years old & different mum just to clarify) has been to visit once and stayed two nights with us in the middle of a week long visit to her older boyfriend who lives near us (that's another thread in itself, she also stayed with him for a week in February, but didn't tell us or visit us).

Anyway, we're planning to travel on a Friday after DH finishes work as he can't get time off work and arrive at midnight. We will leave Sunday evening so DH doesn't have to take any time off work.

So I texted my sister asking if she was free on this particular weekend, along with a couple of other people including an elderly relative who hasn't yet met DS and a best friend from school who has a newborn baby.

Anyway as she was last to get back in contact, we had already arranged other meet ups with people, so I asked if she was free Saturday morning about 11am ish and then we could drive straight from her house to my friends house afterwards, otherwise it involves driving backwards and forwards twice in a day covering approximately 60 miles!

Sister texted back saying she would prefer to see us at breakfast time in case she's asked to go into work early (not due to start until 2pm) and her mum looks after her nephew (my ex step sisters 15 month old) on Friday nights and that she (my sister) feeds him lunch on Saturdays.

I then explained that we are hoping to have a bit of a lie in on Saturday morning after the drive and also that we don't really want to drive to/from her house then an hour later drive to/from my friends house, I also said it's fine if her other nephew is having lunch as my DS will be too. So she texted back basically saying well lets not meet up then and I'll see you another time.

Reading it all back it seems a bit silly, but aibu or does she seem to be prioritising her other nephew?

She sees her other nephew one day in the week and Friday nights and Saturdays, but she's seen my DS once in his life! I feel a bit offended really, but maybe she's just being an unthinking teenager. I don't even mind sharing the time with her other nephew! I would say we could rearrange for Sunday, but my brother has arranged for us to meet his girlfriend for the first time and we've already arranged to see the elderly relative, plus my sister is working on Sunday as well.

Also I do realise it's not the most serious thing in the world, but just interested how an impartial outsider would see it!

It's very long, so thanks if you've got this far!

YABU, she's probably not that bothered about seeing your son. Somebody else's baby is just.. well.. somebody else's baby. I only managed to muster up some enthusiasm/interest in other people's babies after I had my own DC and realised how nice it is when people do.

I think Hully has it right.

Also, she has already got a relationship with her other nephew, loves him, cares for him etc. To her your DS is just a baby that she doesn't know. It makes sense that she would want to see the child that she has established feelings for. Especially if she knows she won't see you again for a long time so this visit isn't really going to be the beginning of a relationship with your DS.

Eightieschick yes agree with you! I'm not going to say anything to my sister, just wanted to know what other people thought really.

With meeting up with her, yes she was the last person to get back to me, so I did just go ahead and arrange to meet up with other people first and try to slot her in.

Realistically I'm not expecting to get a lie in with a six month old (as if!!). If my sister said, yes I've been asked to start work earlier than 2pm, then yes I would visit her earlier in the day and try to find a park or something to do for a few hours before meeting my friend as I don't want to be driving backwards and forwards all day it just seems silly if we don't have to.

Life would definitely be nicer if I lived nearer my family as I really miss them (mainly my mum though!).

Unfortunately my DH can't take time off work as this is the busiest time of month plus they have alot of extra projects going on that need to be sorted ASAP and he's a manager so he can't. It has been a nightmare trying to organise a suitable date to stay at my brothers house with him working wierd and wonderful hours etc, so this is the first chance we've had to visit!

Hully has nailed it here. Let it go.

In response to the posts saying 'but you just expect her to fit in with you' I thought the OP had contacted people but her sister was the last to respond so all the other slots on the dance card had filled up, as it were.

Is it possible that she doesn't feel important enough in your life to want to put you out for a visit. You've given lots of things that you're unwilling to change and said it's 11 or nothing. Unsurprisingly she's chosen nothing

Oops, didn't think that had posted the first time!

There will be plenty of other times, all being well, for your sister to see your baby.

No OP. I'm not. Just saying it how I see it. Creating that bond requires effort on both sides and neither of you seems to have made much so far. You can't whinge that you wish they had a bond when you don't visit for the DC's whole life!

And FWIW I know how you feel as I am hundreds of miles away from my family too. It's tough but if you're the one that moved away, in my experience, the onus is on you to do the travelling.

As the mother of an 18yo, I have to say you are unreasonable to expect an 18yo to have any interest in a baby who isn't part of their daily life. The fact that she has only seen your DS once in her life is actually more reason for her to not really be bothered about seeing him tbh - I appreciate that doesn't make much sense to you but I totally understand it as 18yo logic (which is truly baffling sometimes, trust me!). Try not to stress about it.

mummytime is right. Your basic problem here is trying to see too many people in too little time. There was always going to be an issue with someone and it just turns out it's her.

sunnydelight has it spot on 18 yr old logic isnt the same as ours

Op, we have family that fly through every now and then, and expect us to drop everything and catch up with them. I used to, but TBH the same family members wouldn't do that for us when we went to visit them so now I keep to my routine, and if I can slot them in, I will.

You haven't visited 19 months, and they only live 4 hours away for heaven's sakes. I drive a 2 hour distance to see friends for the day because I give a damn and want to see them. I also flew a 5 1/2 month child to the other side of the world just to see the family. If your family was THAT important to you, you'd have made more of an effort - like perhaps CALLING her to see if you she was free, and TALKING to her???

Why do expect more from a teenager?

Would it be uncomfortable for her Mum to have you in the house? The family dynamics sound a bit confusing! If it was me I would do the breakfast thing, you're unlikely to get a lie in anyway in my experience of staying in strange places with young dcs.

Curryspice ah phew! Not wanting to out myself, but probably will soon no doubt :o it's a bit complicated with the who lives where and why so I don't really want to get into details about that, but I didn't choose to be living such a distance from my family.

Sunny yes 18 year olds are funny! I was working full time and living on my own at 18 so I think remembering what I was like at 18 isn't really helping me relate to my sister who has been very sheltered by her mum!

ChitChat ouch! That's a bit harsh, I can promise you I do give a damn about my family and my friends too. Without wanting to drip feed and add extra things into the thread my sister isn't particularly good at staying in contact with me since she met her boyfriend who happens to dislike me (he's a friend of a friend and she met him through me and my DH...a very long story).

Sue not sure if you're being serious or joking, but your comment made me laugh :)

I suppose the thing I don't get is why both nephews can't be seen at the same time, I mean two children in one house isn't unheard of is it?

Anyway I will need to leave the thread shortly as I'm going out and then need to finish packing. Thanks all for your input, it has been helpful to see other viewpoints!

Apple yes my family is bloody confusing! Her mum is fine with me and always has been (unless she's a superb actress!).

I think for next time I might try and organise a big lunch and invite everyone at the same time! Everyone I'm trying to meet up with don't all know each other, that's why I was trying to do things separately, but I don't think world war three would break out so I might just give it a go....lesson learnt!

I guess I was a bit too harsh (been on the end of too many 'Hi we're in X for a couple of days, can we catch up? messages and have been left thinking - You had to bloody well know you would be here a minimum of 30 hours ago, because the flight alone takes 24 and you contact us NOW???!!! - and breathe....), but I just don't understand why you didn't pick up the phone and call her! It is hard work seeing everyone on a short trip, and if you are concerned about your relationship with her why would you just send 1 txt and not do any following up?

A big lunch is a good idea, or a big lunch for one group, and maybe a pub dinner for another group. That gives you time to catch up with extra special people individually another time, instead of that time being taken up with 'friendly friends' rather than 'special friends' (IYSWIM!).