To be livid with my ExH?

[Minstrelsaremarvellous]

ExH had affair, got OW pregnant, ran up enormous debts and ran away (I am a lucky lady to have escaped tbh!). Anyway fast forward several years and he lives about 40mins away. Has good contact with DD. am civil but no more.
I'm remarried with DD2 and took her baby swimming today with DD1. As we go in, DD1 says "I've been here before, this is where daddy and OW bring my brother swimming". This is the pool where I also took DD1 swimming as a baby.
I am furious - the pool is my local and my ExH has to go out of his way to have baby swimming lessons in this pool. It's not his local and I KNOW there are many options where he lives.
This is not the first time this kind of thing had happened. He & OW got exactly the same breed of dog as me (it's an unusual one) and there are many more examples.
I'm annoyed because he doesn't have to reproduce these things and I genuinely can't think why he'd want to?
I was obviously unhappy with me to have an affair and leave, so why have I got a list of situations like this?
Just wish he'd use his imagination....

Livid? Really?

Livid? Because your ex husband takes his son swimming to the same pool you go to and got a dog the same as you?

YABU!

Yes. Livid. It's happening far too often.

Well you have moved on but he hasn't, think of it that way! He must be a bit insecure about his choices if he's copying yours.

You could however have a LOT of fun with this. Let him know you are decorating and going for an unusual colour (choose something like F&B so it sounds plausible). Perhaps have a sample pot in your hand when he is dropping off DD? Then let him paint his house, and go for a completely different colour yourself. I'd do that, but I'm immature, me!

I'm sure there are plenty more ideas out there, but beware, if you get into this you are giving him headspace that you don't really NEED to.

Actually YABU - yes he was a shit to you but seriously, he can use any swimming pool he likes!

Well...I think being livid is a bit of an over-reaction tbh. Would be far healthier and easier in the long run to find his copy-cat behaviour amusing. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Not livid, but annoyed. He's acting like an arse. Don't rise to it, he's not worth it.

I can understand why you dislike it though. Nobody wants to have their ex flaunt their new family about whilst trying to drag your mutual child into it but at the end of the day though unless you lived really far away you are going to bump into him fairly often. Always is the way when you don't want to see someone.

Oh yes and what cash said. :)

Is it possible that he just didn't think you would be upset?

They want to take their son swimming and he knows this is a good place because your daughter got on so well there?

She loves your dog so they got one too as they now know the breed is good with children?

I can understand it being upsetting for you given the history of your split but perhaps he isn't trying to reproduce everything you did with his new family, he just doesn't have the imagination to think of doing the same thing differently and hasn't realised it might be a problem for you.

You sound nuts. For someone who has supposedly moved on, remarried and had a new baby, you are giving him far too much thought.

What breed of dog is it?

Yabu

I bet he's not doing it accidentally given his past behaviour - I'd put money on him doing it just to annoy you. In which case you should be ultra civil and feign amusement if he brings it up.

When I was first married I told my now ex many times that if I had more children I'd name them after my 2 Irish grandparents, who had unusual lovely Irish names.

Years after we divorced I heard that he had remarried (poor woman) and had 2 children. Guess what they were called ... [freaky weird]

Noonesgoingto I think you might be right - it probably won't have occurred to him. The swimming class is a national franchise though and I know there are sessions nearer him.
My dog is a Vizsla - and while I get people suggesting I should let it go - bring called nuts is quite simply unpleasant.

Tell everyone you have got your nipples pierced and wait for him to copy you before revealing you were joking.

Annoying though it is, I would just ignore his behaviour.

Kladdkaka - ha ha, that's exactly what he did with name for his DD with OW! Weird.

Chazs, I'm not going to say anything, while I'm having my Internet rant about AIBU I won't say anything. I'm pretty polite etc for DD.

This is a very strange thread

You were in love once...enough to marry and want to spend the rest of your lives together. Of course you're going to have similar tastes in many things.

If you look hard enough around you, you'll also see other people who like to use a certain pool and have similar tastes in pets.

Minstrels I would rant if I was faced with the same petty behaviour. It strongly suggests to me that you were the decision maker and he was the passenger in your relationship if he is still mirroring you ideas and decisions.

Livid? Crikey!!

It winds you up because you allow it to. You cannot alter his behaviour, only your own and then he has to decide how to fit around that. If it is being done deliberately to wind you up, ever considered it's because he knows it can?

Whether you are the victim of his sick games or imagining something that isn't there, the only logical approach in all cases is to completely ignore it and get one with your own life.

As for someone saying you'd moved on and he hadn't, the psychologist in me says the evidence of your testimony says otherwise. i.e. How many other people wind you up for using the same pool? If not them, why him - assuming you're over him.

Blimey OP so what??

Spydii, with the things he has 'reproduced' I've not once spoken to him about them so he wont know my thoughts. What irks me is that he has many other options and yet has chosen this one. I would totally understand if it was the ONLY pool with the ONLY swimming lessons with this national franchise but it isn't.

He's probably just going for the familiar with the swimming lessons rather than thinking of using the same franchise but different pool.

It's not just the organisation running the lessons but the building and pool itself that he knows and for that reason he has felt most comfortable taking his son there. Perhaps he even thought if he were taking both children it would be best to keep your daughter in a familiar place rather than to a different pool.

Yabu

What a non issue!