to not really feel 'love' for DS?

[Snozcumbers]

Have name-changed for this, as I'm very ashamed of these feelings. I'm not sure if this is normal 2nd-time-around newborn stuff or what.

DS is 7 weeks old. I also have an almost 2 year old DD. I feel very differently towards DS than I did with DD at this age. I don't feel that rush of love when I see him (i'm a SAHM so I see him a lot!)
When he cries (generally for food - he's ebf - although night-times he's insatiable) I don't rush to pick him up like I did with DD. I get quite annoyed with him when he does cry or can't settle.

When he smiles at me I feel like a fraud when I smile back, as I don't feel like I mean it :(

Generally he's quite an easy-going baby, spends lots of time in the sling while I get stuff done in the house or with DD.

I've suffered recently from the effects of sleep deprivation so I'm aware that some of this might be down to that; but how normal is it to feel like this? Does it get better with time? I already feel guilty for not enjoying him as much as I do DD.

Some children do better if a parent dies?

I think you need to qualify that statement, nothinggoldcanstay.

I found it particularly difficult with my first. There was no bond for what seemed a long time at least 6 weeks. She was a gorgeous baby but I couldn't see it. I was struggling with recovering from a horrid birth, not very good a breastfeeding and sleep deprived. The breakthrough moment was when she first smiled at me and we could interact more. The next breakthrough was when she was sleeping more at night. I love her dearly now and we do have a slowly developed special bond.

DD2 there was an instant bond, she was not a pretty baby but she was the spitting image of my mum and me. But as the second child I didn't have the luxury of time to spend with her, or on catching up with sleep so it was hard. But because I'd done it all before so didnt lack the confidence I had first time round. I wasn't in a dither about bf and just stopped when it wasnt working without the guilt I put myself through the first time.

I found the newborn stage awful though. There was a smallish gap and I felt guilty for the time I was missing out with DD1.

Don't hesitate about getting help though, I wish I had done with my first even though its all fine now. I may have enjoyed her more.

the rush of love doesnt always come as you think it should it can come over months sometimes years, and you have 2 children now so you are spreading your self a few ways, I think you should speak to your HV

I had this but the other way around. Didnt feel love for dc1 but felt the huge instant rush for dc2. Its been HARD work for me but now i do feel great love for dc1. Its not the exactly the same as for dc2 but its equal.

I didn't get that rush of love at all until ds was 3 months old - different for different people. It'll come x

I felt the same way as the OP. I had rush of love instantly for dd but did not bond with ds (born 3.5 years later). I felt very very guilty about it. I had a traumatic birth thanks to an evil midwife and I believe that triggered PND and possibly PTSD. I had to ask the HV if it was normal that I had remind myself to pick up DS. I found it easy to ignore his crying and felt like he was someone else's baby. I had no help at all except for some counselling.
What did help was watching a friend play with him and copying her. And then I started co-sleeping which helped the bond and I second, faking it.. that really did help because I think it triggered innate bonding behaviours. I also forced myself to keep a very brief and intermittent journal and when I reread it now (a year later) I can see that I did love him and that I was very proud of him even if I didn't feel it at the time. Also putting both kids in the bath together was good and they now share a room.
Perhaps it is common and normal not to feel so excited about dc2 due to all kinds of things eg fatigue, dc1 etc etc. but there may also be some PND there and the sooner that is dealt with the better.