To Feel Sad About DNs Lack of Exposure to the Outdoors and the Animal Kingdom

[geegee888]

Two of my nieces were visiting my PIL at the same time as I, aged 3 and 10. I have long wanted to take them up to see my horses, but as their father is allergic to all animal hair, this was forbidden. However MIL is rather more adventurous and a visit was agreed while staying with PIL, as long as they were thoroughly cleansed and fully clad in waterproof/protective clothing.

So I got the horse out, possibly the most gentle, kind horse you would come across, and they were terrified to go near him. They stood cowering next to the car and no amount of coaxing would persuade the elder one to go within 10m of him. The younger one was keen, but put off by the elder one's protests. After no more than 10 minutes, and complaints about the sight of mud in the field (we were standing in concrete), they departed.

However, they have done nothing but talk about it since. How "scary" and big the horse was, what a big adventure it was to go there and how hungry and tired they are now. PIL included. I've since realised that these children have never once in their lives actually touched a living animal. Not a cat, hamster, dog, never mind a horse. MIL took them to a petting zoo once, but it was again one of these short visits and they were discouraged from touching the animals. Their only other "animal" experience has been going to the zoo twice, seeing non-native species behind bars.

Bad enough. But I've also noticed that the children never play outdoors. Always, always indoors, no matter what the weather is doing. PIL have a fantastic garden, but the children never go into it. Going outdoors is limited to the short walk between car and house. Its the same at home, I doubt they have ever played outdoors, the family would never do anything like go on a walk, even a short one. The elder one can't ride a bike either, at least she has a bike and occasionally sorts of sits on it in the hallway of her house, but it has never been outside. Playing on the Wii is considered to be taking exercise.

Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad for them? I spent most of my own childhood in another Northern European country and wondered if this is normal for the UK and considered good for children? I'd love to take them out for the day, but I honestly don't know where I could take them. I do remember that we once had a family outing to a park, and me and DH played football with them, but the poor children were so uncoordinated, they just kept falling over, while the parents sat on park benches. Again, it only lasted half an hour and a short walk was vetoed on the grounds that it was too muddy/wet underfoot.

Do you feel better now you've had a good bitch ?

It isn't normal for UK and I agree with you I think it is sad.

With their dad's allergies I can understand why they can't have pets but their aversion to the outdoors is very strange indeed. Surely they have to play out at school?

My sister had allergies to hair - so we had non-hairy pets.

It is a bit sad they're so out of touch with nature. It sounds like they've caught preciousitis from one of their parents.

How about taking them to a playground/adventure playground? And does it matter if they fall over during footy as long as they're taking part and enjoying it?

The fact they are talking about the horse at least shows they were interested in it. I'm a bit scared old horses and I'm three times your DN's age btw.

My friend's DH is very allergic to animal hair- the family have a whole menagerie of reptiles! It sounds rather sad really, never even 'playing out' :(

Do you know for an absolute fact that they never play out? I only ask as I don't have a bloody clue what my nieces and nephews get up to on a daily basis. Presumably, they go to school/nursery?

I would have thought that lots of children don´t have contact with animals tbh.

And surely the oldest plays out at school most days.

Why don´t PILs turf them out into the garden?

YANBU

Apart from asking if it's normal for the UK

Why would you even think that just because of 2 children?

Playing out at school may not mean much contact with nature: it may mean being allowed to play sedately (but not run or kick balls) on a concrete surface on days when the weather is neither cold, windy or wet. Dc were specifically told not to touch fallen twigs or leaves for hygiene reasons. So you could easily play outdoors at school and still believe that mud is dangerous. The school had outdoor climbing equipment but the children were only allowed on it for one specific break time a week, under the supervision of a teacher, when it was the turn of their group, never spontaneously.

You are right, it is the norm to keep children away from animals and its considered beneficial. Animals are dirty and encourage poor behaviour.

The lower classes can become farmers and do manual work with animals, someone has tondo this unclean work. The rich are allowed to shoot any animals that wander onto their estates and poo on their manicured lawns.

No, I'm certain they don't go outdoors. They are so obviously unfamiliar with it when they do. There was an adventure playground next to the park the time we went there, and their parents didn't want them to go in it because it was dangerous, there were too many other children playing in it and because they had heard of serious accidents occurring in them. They can't go out in PIL garden for similar reasons, or because its raining, or been raining, or if sunny, they don't seem to have the right shoes. It just never seems to happen.

I don't know about school/nursery. The main thing the elder one seems to be doing at school currently is that each month they have a morning selling stuff they have made/baked, and the day before that is taken up with preperation for it. Thats what they talk about a lot. I am guessing she goes outdoors during break, but again I'm not certain.

YAB a bit U - horses (while I love them as do my 3 girls) are SCARY and BIG and teethy and hoofy and the eldest may genuinely have been scared ...to conclude from that that they never go near animals and this is normal in the UK is daft

I have a friend who is scared of everything, no, should say a wide variety of things normal people don't give a second thought to. Don't want to be specific in case I am outed and friendless

Needless to say her DCs are neurotic too.

Can't understand it as I made a point of NOT passing on my fears eg of mice, to my DCs who have no probs with anything I can think of .

Can't tell how much of your op is conjecture, but I don't think it's unusual to be nervous around horses, they are intimidatingly big even to me as an adult, and they can jump, trample, bite etc.

"Why don´t PILs turf them out into the garden?"

Well quite! How often do they visit? Given that one of these kids parents must be the offspring of the PILs then were they brought up to be so neurotic?

My Mum would have had none of it. "Come on you are not mooching around under my feet on a lovely day like this. Out you go!"

I think being scared of what must look like a massive horse to them is normal and sensible (up to a point) unlike my ds who tried to stroke the Highlands cow but didn't like rabbits It would be incredibly sad if they were never allowed to play outside but are you sure?

Have they ever heard of rickets and vitamin D deficiency? Maybe you should subtly drop hints.

"wondered if this is normal for the UK and if it is considered good for them?" Do you really think that? Do you not live in the UK?

Re: the animal thing, I can sort of understand that as there really aren't many opportunities for kids to touch animals unless they have their own pets. And horses can be quite scary to small children.

Seriously, no, they never go outside. Even getting them dressed to go the few steps to the car is turned into a big deal with jackets, waterproof jackets if raining, boots, etc, in summer. I've visited their house a few times and suggested going for a walk after dinner or down to the swings, and its met with sort of a hushed silence, then the subject is changed. MidnightKnitter you must be kidding - they would never be allowed out in the conservatory even without shoes on, never mind the garden!

I don't even think its a form of neuroticism, it just seems to be an ingrained habit in the family not to go outside much. The other SIL and her two children are the same. But while their father may well be allergic to small, furry, animals, he is definatley not allergic to horses! I've sat next to him, subtly covered in horse hair, with no adverse reaction from him, and later he has remarked he's so grateful I've removed all traces of horse, since he's so allergic. Its a shame he thinks he is and has previously prevented DNs from visiting mine as he thinks he will suffer a reaction. Might have helped if they had seen them a bit younger.

So sorry, I was just shocked today, as my family were all very active, but it was just odd to see people so completely thrown by being around animals, albeit at a safe distance. I loved horses as a child, and just assumed a lot of small girls were the same.

Outdoors and Animal Kingdom not the same thing. My DSs are scared of animals. But they happily roll about in mud outdoors even on the way back from school in their school clothes and shoes the nutters.

Sounds very strange, and sad, their father is passing his neurosis onto his children. You would think their mother or grandparents would say something about it.

It sounds ever so sad to me. I can understand the children not having much contact with animals because of the father's allergies, my best friend's poor DP suffers the same, but none? Heck, that's a pity. I honestly don't think that the parents are doing the DC any favours by making them scared of horses too as although the DC may not come into contact with many of them I suspect that the same fears and wariness would be held about smaller domestic pets like cats and dogs and the kids are going to meet them in their day to day lives as they grow, it's unavoidable really.

I've sat next to him, subtly covered in horse hair, with no adverse reaction from him

You did this??? How on earth would you have felt if he DID have a reaction. We no longer spend any time with the members of my family who took this shockingly disbelieving approach to my DS's life-threatening allergies - I simply can't take the risk that they'll decide (like you did!) that I am making it up and/or 'a little bit won't hurt him'.

With regard to the rest of your post, yes, it is very sad when children are not able to spend lots of time playing outdoors, but it is still always a bad idea to judge.

Depending on where you live access to horses probably isn´t going to happen very often!

How many people live near stables?

Dogs/cats/rabbits/guinea pigs only if you/friends/neighbours have them-and again, could depend on where you live & if parents work full time.

So tbh I think no access to animals isn´t all that odd.

So, do PILs not go out much-is that where it has come from?

It's not just dogs/cats etc in friends/relatives homes though is it diddl? It's in the street, in the garden of the neighbour when they go to tea with a friend, in the homes of friends as they become teenagers and adults. It must be awful for someone to feel a fear of something they will meet from time to time like that.

Well no, I didn´t cover all possibilities-but I would have thought it possible to have an quite animal free life.

We didn´t have pets until Iwas 18 & I used to see a couple of cats on the way to a friends house & that was probably it.

As a consequence, we have a dog, cat, rabbit & two guinea pigs!