To Feel Sad About DNs Lack of Exposure to the Outdoors and the Animal Kingdom

[geegee888]

Two of my nieces were visiting my PIL at the same time as I, aged 3 and 10. I have long wanted to take them up to see my horses, but as their father is allergic to all animal hair, this was forbidden. However MIL is rather more adventurous and a visit was agreed while staying with PIL, as long as they were thoroughly cleansed and fully clad in waterproof/protective clothing.

So I got the horse out, possibly the most gentle, kind horse you would come across, and they were terrified to go near him. They stood cowering next to the car and no amount of coaxing would persuade the elder one to go within 10m of him. The younger one was keen, but put off by the elder one's protests. After no more than 10 minutes, and complaints about the sight of mud in the field (we were standing in concrete), they departed.

However, they have done nothing but talk about it since. How "scary" and big the horse was, what a big adventure it was to go there and how hungry and tired they are now. PIL included. I've since realised that these children have never once in their lives actually touched a living animal. Not a cat, hamster, dog, never mind a horse. MIL took them to a petting zoo once, but it was again one of these short visits and they were discouraged from touching the animals. Their only other "animal" experience has been going to the zoo twice, seeing non-native species behind bars.

Bad enough. But I've also noticed that the children never play outdoors. Always, always indoors, no matter what the weather is doing. PIL have a fantastic garden, but the children never go into it. Going outdoors is limited to the short walk between car and house. Its the same at home, I doubt they have ever played outdoors, the family would never do anything like go on a walk, even a short one. The elder one can't ride a bike either, at least she has a bike and occasionally sorts of sits on it in the hallway of her house, but it has never been outside. Playing on the Wii is considered to be taking exercise.

Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad for them? I spent most of my own childhood in another Northern European country and wondered if this is normal for the UK and considered good for children? I'd love to take them out for the day, but I honestly don't know where I could take them. I do remember that we once had a family outing to a park, and me and DH played football with them, but the poor children were so uncoordinated, they just kept falling over, while the parents sat on park benches. Again, it only lasted half an hour and a short walk was vetoed on the grounds that it was too muddy/wet underfoot.

Are they city types? I grew up in a very crowded city (not in the UK) and you could have been describing my childhood. Horses and cows and muddy, smelly places do nothing for me. I've ridden bareback on an elephant though [proud].

I think you might be exaggerating a little when you say that "playing on the Wii is considered to be taking exercise"

Well, unfortunately greenbananas, I was late for dinner one day, and was ushered in, sat down, meaning to get up again, and then just kind of forgot. Though tbh if he's that allergic, he surely could check, instead of assuming I'd showered/changed.

diddl I don't think anyone would have access to animals unless they lived on a farm. Its just something nice that I would like to give my DNs the opportunity to experience, but I never thought that it would be so difficult. I just thought I could take them along to the stables, and let them watch for a little while, and maybe they could give the horses an apple or stroke them once I showed them how. But they point blank refused to touch them at all, and only stayed 10 minutes anyway. There are lots of children at the yard too, they seem to enjoy it so much.

But then PIL have confirmed that they have never, ever, touched an animal. Not even stroked a neighbour's cat or dog. Animals to them are on the tv, in the zoo, plastic toys, etc..

PIL are very non-judgemental, but MIL I think is a bit sad about it too, hence her bringing them out to the horses today. Even then, it would have been so nice, on a summer's day, to have walked the mile and a half on country lanes to the stables, but this is never going to happen. And no, PIL are not very active, but they are keen gardeners and enjoy travelling.

I get a reaction if I sit next to cat owners. I had a full on asthma attack when we had a couple friends for a sleepover who both had a few cats when I was younger.
Bit of a liberty to take with someone else's health.

No, blisterpack, I am not exaggerating about the Wii being considered exercise, and I know several people who do consider it exercise!

Neither do they live in a city. They live in a modern housing estate on the edge of a village, adjacent to some quite stunning countryside, which they have never ventured into.

The more I read on this thread the more I agree with the OP - it is sad.

So, OK a horse is big, but the OP wasn't trying to toss them on the back for a ride, just approach it to pat it! When DD was small one of the favourite outings, if we had visiting friends or family with small children, was to one or other of the local farms that encouraged visiting children. Depending on the time of year they might see lambs being born, help to bottle-feed kids, have pony rides or just generally pet the various animals. Every child we took had a lovely time and I would have been really taken aback by a child visitor who hadn't enjoyed this.

As to the great outdoors- well I confess to being one of those people who feels the weekend is incomplete if I haven't had my boots on and gone for a long walk in the country - mud and all! But if they live beside stunning countryside as you say and never venture in to it then ,yes, that is sad. Terribly so.

The great outdoors is over rated. I can't drive so ds and I walk everywhere all time! Pita! I'd love a car to ferry us about in.

OP, YANBU. My own childhood was filled with an assortment of animals. At home we had, variously, a rabbit, a hamster, lots and lots of guinea pigs, dog and a horse. I seem to recall looking after a visiting tortoise briefly too. Both my parents were/are very interested in wildlife and would spend hours with us on walks identifying butterflies, birds, fungi, wild flowers etc. Over the years I've spent countless hours on farms, and with various animals, mostly dogs and horses. In fact today, I've spent the afternoon with a friend on her farm, enjoying the company of her gorgeous horses, adorable dogs, loveable cats, pig, assorted chickens and some baby hedgehogs. DH is allergic to cats, horses and long haired dogs but this hasn't stopped us adopting assorted greyhounds.

Now our DNs are brought up without any animals in their home, but they love coming over to us and meeting the dogs. Middle nephew in particular enjoys doing charity dog shows and will be doing some farm visits with me when he comes during the summer holiday.

Some of my happiest childhood (and life in general actually) memories are associated with various animals. I feel desperately sorry for children who do not experience this very wholesome and beneficial area of life or spend lots of time outdoors. Fortunately I know that there are still many children in the UK who DO enjoy being outside and being with animals - just a pity it's not more.

Not going near animals is not the same as not going out at all.. They sound a bit deprived. I live in the centre of a big city and we go out to everything we can. Kids need to go out.

I feel sorry for the anxiety that is being built into these kids and the fun and carefree childhood they are missing out on.

I have made a conscious effort to ensure my DD is scared of nothing and that she is exposed to as many experiences as possible.

Its a shame some parents feel the need to wrap their kids so tightly.

Yabu.
Horses are large animals that scare the living crap out of me when I was younger I mostly had a slight distrust but ever since nigel jumped on my foot I've taken a more sensable approach to the matter,that being stay far away from horses.

As for outdoors well there's horses in them there woods don't cha know.

By the way if your big sister used to put stinging nettles in your bed then you may wish to not answer your door in the morning as I'm coming round to wee in your wellies for reminding me of the nigel incident

I think you were a bit ambitious to try and make a horse their first experience of a real animal.

It does sound like you and your horse made quite an impression on them which is all to the good.
Perhaps next time you could try treating them to some wellies and then taking them off for a stomp in some nearby woods/park etc? Get them used to being outside, then get them used to some small animal before jumping to horses.

On the whole, YANBU. I think kids generally enjoy playing outside, and that it's good for them.
On the other hand, there is a kind of tone in your post, that is not very pleasant. A bit patronising, maybe? And the use of "animal kingdom" sounds slightly ridiculous, I'm afraid.
I grew up in the deep deep countryside, we kept a lot on animals, we had a lot of vegetables and fruits and I helped taking care of everything from a young age. So to me, feeding the pig, picking beans and strawberries is not a fun activity, it's work that needs to be done. But I find a lot of people fantasise about country life and "the great outdoors", they have a very romanticised vision of it, that is a far cry from reality. I was stunned when I saw that in some places you can pay for the privilege of picking up some veg before taking it home. Bonkers!

YABU - they are scared of horses....so what....I personally dont like them, not scared of them but I dont like them!

My DS is an indoors boy - he would far rather be inside and colouring or writing or making a book or something than he would be outside......I used to find it frustrating and tried to make him an outdoorsy kid but he isnt and I have realised now there is no point forcing it.

Unless you love with your DN you are just being judgemental....just because something is important to you it doesnt mean it is important to them!

So to recap-the PILs aren´t outdoorsy & have passed this to their children & they have passed it to GC?

What are the chances that both the parents of the children share this fear of the outdoors?

OP-maybe the children prefer to be indoors?

I didn't realise they had never touched an animal, Piprabbit.

What I found saddest of all is that it has taken nearly 3 years of effort of cajoling, suggesting and encouraging on my part to get them up to the stables, as their parents weren't interested. And at the beginning, the eldest (now 10) was keen, used to talk about horses a lot, say she wanted to do it, etc. In the last year or so she seemed more reluctant. The 3 year old was very keen, and wanted to go up and touch the horse, but the elder one held her back.

Apart from horses, all of them, PIL included, just don't have any idea what to do when they do go outdoors. For instance, we will drive to a big park, children clad as if they are going on an arctic adventure, park in car park, and attempt to walk to park bit. At this point, one or more of the adults will announce illness/tiredness/sprained ankle which means they need to go to the cafe, and the rest will follow. Or perhaps we will manage 10 minutes in the park until the cafe, although it never involves playing or exploring. And then its food, and car home. Even this sort of trip is a once per year thing, involving massive planning.

True, the PIL are not outdoorsy types and don't walk anywhere, but BIL is worse as he is actually I think verging on the neurotic. And he isn't their son.

Am at a bit of a loss. I have limited time, but I'd like to be a good aunt and give DNs some experiences which don't involve artificial things and staying indoors.

I'm sorry if I seem patronising. I really have never encountered people like this before.

So you like animals/walking in the park and out door things and they dont. It is hardly a big deal and really none of your business.
Plenty of children will spend their lives without ever touching a horse, it doesn't mean that their lives are some how blighted.

I know you mean well, but be careful not to overstep the mark. As an aunt, your role is not to correct what you perceive to be poor parenting, it's to love the kids within the general mainframe provided by their parents. I realise it's hard sometimes ( I have 10 nephews and nieces), but they are the ones bringing up the kids, not you. And kids tend to sense if you don't approve of their education, which is confusing and uncomfortable for them.

I don't think it is as simple as the children themselves not liking the outdoors. It sounds as though they are being brought up to have a slightly neurotic aversion to outdoor activity.

Pity they don't join the guides or scouts or something that will give them the opportunity to camp out and experience a few such activities away from their parents. They may actually find they do like it then.

Time spent outdoors:
I am going to stick neck out & say it is a somewhat British but mostly a particularly modern problem. I can't find the exact statistics, but children of the British isles (including Ireland) spend more time indoors than most of Europe & rest of world. I've mostly read stat of less than 1/2 hour per day outside, yr-round average, before children go to school.

Even in a place like Australia a large % of kids spent less than 1/2 hour day of their leisure time outside.

Ten percent of under 10s never play outdoors, only 25% play outside daily.

TBH I can sit on my arse with the best of them-but I thought everyone with a garden & youngsters turfed them out as soon as possible & for as long as possible.

Or was that just me?

There are worse things that could happen to a child, but I see where you're coming from.

My husband was raised in an inner-city flat and some of the bobbins that comes out of his mouth would make your hair stand on end.

E.g., when out picking blackberries, he asked me what sort of a maniac would make such a mess of the path. I explained it was a badger set. He virtually printed back to the car with our pfb because "badgers are known to attack people".

He can't identify any flora... So I'm suitably scathing towards him. ;)

But he's willing to learn and the first time he met my horse he demanded a "go" and now has lessons.

Again, to all the posters saying its not a problem for children to never leave the house- have you not heard of vitamin D? Or RICKETS.

Also, it doesn't matter if your DC is normal weight, children need exercise for healthy heart and lungs.