to let this mum sweat ?

[Partypooper2000]

Mum at school with DD in same class as my DD. Notorious for never replying to party invites, having to be chased, never knows what she is doing on the day 'Can I let you know later' etc etc.

Just handed out invites for her DD's party 6 weeks in advance, so 'she can be organised'.

The bloody cheek of some people. Makes my blood boil.

AIBU to let her bloody sweat and not respond

I never knew who was going to turn up to dd's parties.

Usually they all did, though, as they were held on the last Saturday before christmas so people looked at it as a couple of hours free to do some Christmas shopping.

My DCs are in their 20s now but my friends and I used to organise proper parties with invitations and RSVPs. Frequently it was to ensure safety such as in a swimmming pool party where a certain ratio of adults to children was asked for by the pool or if going to see a film or show when I needed to buy tickets in advance so that they could all sit together.

There was always one or two that I had to repeatedly chase to reply. It was v annoying. This was pre mobile, emails and texting. It's v v easy to reply now surely?

Please check your kids' school bags (at primary school) every day for invitations.

Most kids turned up to my DCs parties, the ones that couldn't come usually just told you in the playground.

It was never a big deal.

Ah, mine all had parities at home with jelly and crisps , not big showy affairs.

There could be lots of reasons this Mother cannot give a definate yes or no. Maybe her DH/partner finishes work at different times, maybe she is without a car, maybe she is carng foir a relative etc. Try not to be too harsh, open your mind. Maybe just decline the invite if you feel so strongly.

All those who just say turn up how do you organise party bags? I think they're too expensive to make up just in case. I always made up a couple extra but would've been gutted if I'd made up a dozen and no one came. Plus awful for dcs.

An awful thing happened last year. A dc in ds2s school took the invites to school. Teacher wouldn't let him hand them out at the end so he just gave them to dcs who all filled them in and handed slip back. None told their parents and only 5 turned up to the hall. There was a disco and games planned etc..

Party bags - a slice of cake, a balloon and a lollipop.

Bloody hell I am glad I haven't got little ones now with party bag angst.

Yep , slice of cake, mini packet of haribos and a balloon , party bag done.

Cut the cake out of sight of the children. Otherwise you get plaintive screams from your own child the kids 'I want the face, I want the face' and jostling whilst you are standing there with a knife and loads of red faced kids who have been playing musical bumps for 2 hours.

I don't get the party bag angst either. it all goes in the bin when DD'S aren't looking it's not that important.

It is manners though to reply to an invite. It only takes 2 seconds.

I don't feel serious enough to not go to the party... Jeez some of you are serious.

I was trying to be jokey. I'm a nice person really

Ah well mine are up now so I don't need to worry about the party bags.

I used to make 2 birthday cakes and already have one cut up in the bag. Lemon drizzle usually decorated with icing and sweets. We had one to take home and give to family.

What it ultimately boils down to is manners. You get an invite, just reply 'yes' or 'no' and be done with it. In this day and age, it doesn't take 2 mins to send a text or email to do so. That way the party organiser can have an idea of how much cake, how many party bags etc to do.

People don't seem to pride themselves in having decent manners any more Something which seems to be less and less important these days. Very really.

My friend has a DS who's birthday is the last week of the summer holidays.She always gives out invites two weeks before the end of the summer term. To make sure idiots like me parents can let her know if they will be there or still away on holiday.

Maybe your friend is trying to make sure she has numbers, so she can get everything sorted.

Yes that is what she is doing Muddy. The height of bad manners though when you never give a toss about anyone else's parties.

Has she handed out the invites out now because the kids are breaking up soon, and the party will be in the holidays? I'm handing out dd's invites next week, as she breaks up next week and her birthday is in the first week when she goes back to school in sept. So it's a choice of very short notice or very long notice.

I can understand wanting to know numbers if you have a party in a pool (fuck that for an idea but yswim) or a theme park, but just for a normal kids party in the village hall I am not sure it matters.

Just cater for 8 million people and have several packets of bags, sweets, crap. A cake can cater for x amount of kids more or less. I never knew how many kids would turn up, and there were usually extra stragglers. You don't need to know exact numbers for party bagsm surely?

I'd reply ASAP and say you thought you would be prompt as you hate it when people leave it to last min and you don't know how many party bags to make etc

Sleepyfergus has it exactly right - it is all about manners and bollocks about not being able to commit to something a few weeks in advance is crap as well. Say no if it is not that important to you and then the host/hostess knows where they are up to. Even a party at home you need to know if you've got 2 kids coming or 22.
If you are holding out for a better offer I'd rather you didn't bother TBH.
So I would say RSVP to disorganised mum's invite and then she will appreciate how nice it is to get a reply and how easy it makes her life to know where she is up to when planning her child's party.
It is just about general consideration for others.

I had a friend with DC's the same age as mine and her children would always receive an invite to my children's parties.

She would always be very vague or non committal and would either turn up unexpected or cancel at the last minute.

It was frustrating but turns out her DH was a controlling unpleasant bastard who would often prevent her or the DC's from leaving the house

So all that time she must have desperately wanted her kids to be part of something but never sure whether she would be 'allowed' to come.

Our party phase was years ago but the marital stuff has only just come out and I am now helping her to leave the little shit

So maybe cut this friend some slack

Damn, DS is sending out party invites tomorrow for in two and a half weeks time. As its the summer I have apparently left this too late according to some parents. Thing is I organised to go to a blood amusement park for the whole day with these selected kids. Do I chase invites and do party bags?

I think I preferred his last school where no bugger had parties and parents ignored each other.