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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find looking after daughter really hard

34 replies

cheekypickle · 04/07/2012 08:07

She's 11months and I have her for the morning. Don't know what I'm doing ! Shes happy playing away though. Do I need to chill out a bit?!

OP posts:
mopbucket · 04/07/2012 08:09

Yes chill just be in the room or near and let her play

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/07/2012 08:09

Chill out a bit. If she's happy playing you don't really have to 'do' anything. Just get on with your day and I'm sure she'll let you know when she needs you.

NeedlesCuties · 04/07/2012 08:10

Is she your DD?

If you've fed her, changed her, are paying her attention then I am assuming she is happy enough.

Chill out and perhaps spend more time with your child so you don't need to start threads about "having her for the morning" every time it happens.

Also, just out of curiosity, where is she the other mornings/other times of day which have rendered you struggling to mind her now.

Clarabumps · 04/07/2012 08:11

If she's happy playing away the just let her, Get on the floor and watch what she's up to. See if she wants to show you something.play alongside her with some toys. What do you mean you have her for the morning?Do you mean she's not in childcare for the morning? I think you need to chill..Kids don't need that much stimulus..banging on pots half the time is fun enough.

ObiWan · 04/07/2012 08:18

You'll be fine.

I was a bit like that every time my husband went back to work after paternity leave, and to a lesser extent after we'd spent holidays together.

Even if there are tantrums and things during the day, you'll be fine. Children are great at making their own fun. And a run out with the baby in a buggy solves most things if you get desperate. Grin

Original poster
cheekypickle · 04/07/2012 08:22

I'm so lacking in confidence :(

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekypickle · 04/07/2012 08:23

She's normally with the child minder. I havent looked after her for so long I've got out of the habit/comfort/swing of things

OP posts:
Foshizzle · 04/07/2012 08:24

What's different about this morning? Or do you always feel like this?

Foshizzle · 04/07/2012 08:25

Ah cross post. Yes chill. She will be happy just to be with you. What are you worrying about? What do you do with her at the weekends?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/07/2012 08:25

Why not tell your DD how you feel? If you're stuck wondering what to do, babies (like pets) can make very good listeners. :) Make yourself a Brew and have a chat.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 04/07/2012 08:26

You've been poorly haven't you? I worry ALL the time that I should be doing more with ds, when in fact he is happy rampaging around the house.

If it gets boring and it's not raining you could go for a wAlk to break up the morning a bit.

Original poster
cheekypickle · 04/07/2012 08:26

Just let her play at the weekends, go out for walks. I always feel I should be doing more with her. Feel guilty for doing washing up even though I know she's fine playing. I don't really know what I stress out about

OP posts:
WhosPickleisThatOnion · 04/07/2012 08:28

Cheeky I worry as well about stuff like that!

I think most people do a bit.

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 04/07/2012 08:28

In sure when I was one my mother used to put me in a baby cage play pen for most of the day and clean!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/07/2012 08:31

If you're 11 months old, watching someone do the washing up is better than TV.... What babies thrive on is interaction. One-on-one stuff like playing games is great but you can't realistically spend all day doing that because baby games are pretty dull. So just chat as you go about your normal activities, sing a few songs perhaps and your baby will be perfectly stimulated.

SoleSource · 04/07/2012 08:32

Nobody is watching/judging/scrutinising every single little tiny thing. You're in your own home, in charge. Your choices are the same as any other normal Mother's choices.

NeedlesCuties · 04/07/2012 08:33

Nah, don't fret that you should be doing more with her. She's only little and will be happy enough playing with one or two toys and making lots of noise :)

As long as she's near and you can keep and eye on her you can get on with doing housework.

Maybe next time you know you're going to have her for a full morning you could ask the CM in advance what sort of activities she does with your DD and what your DD likes? That might help.

Foshizzle · 04/07/2012 08:34

Yes perfectly normal to worry about it, but don't. She will let you know if she's not happy. One thing you could do is take 15 minutes once in am and once pm to sit down and play with her - just dedicated play. Let her lead and then pick up on what she shows an interest in. It doesn't sound like a long time but it actually is.

Going for walk also good. Point out birds, cats, snails etc.

wifey6 · 04/07/2012 08:34

cheeky....little ones love to amuse themselves with toysexploring their own surroundings. A nice walkweather permitting, may be pop your LO in the highchair for some finger painting--little ones love it & you will love watching the creativity /mess your little one will make!
I agree about chatting to your LO...if I ever had a wobble..when DH went back after paternity leave...I would chat to my DS & it really seemed to calm my anxieties.
You are her mummy...you will be fine. Smile

ObiWan · 04/07/2012 08:35

I know you can't help but worry, but if it makes you feel any better, remember the stress is all yours (and all parents suffer it at some point I think).

At about 12mths, mine were happy in the playpen for ages with stacking cups, or books, or raiding the pots and pans in the cupboard. Babies need some time to explore things for themselves.

While you are washing up, your daughter will be eyeing up the cereal cupboard and planning a break-in.

If your daughter needs your attention you'll know about it, it was at about 11 months that mine perfected the art of thowing books at my head..

Mayisout · 04/07/2012 08:38

When I was little in the 50s/60s babies were in their prams outside in the garden for hours, or, when older, stuck in their playpens for ages and when older still sent out to play for most of the day.

In hindsight I think it might explain why we were so much less demanding than my own DCs. I think babies and small DCs get too much play and need more quiet dozing or sitting.

Original poster
cheekypickle · 04/07/2012 08:39

Thank you everyone. I just stress out so much. I really want looking after to come naturally but it just doesn't! I'm always worried the worst will happen like she'll bump her head/fall over and cut herself.

OP posts:
PrettyFlyForAWifi · 04/07/2012 08:45

Yes, of course you worry but even if that does happen, she'll be fine! I'm not sure much of parenting comes naturally tbh. She'll let you know when she's not happy. Maybe have a pretend tea party with her teddies, my d used to love that (still does, she's 3) or get the pot and pans out and let her pretend cook with some dry pasta, she'll love spooning it in and out of a pan (and throwing it everywhere). Or maybe a walk down the road, there's some good puddles down our way today ;)
I'm sure it must feel very odd today, but it'll get so much easier with time, you're doing great.

Bartusmaeus · 04/07/2012 09:05

I totally understand. I went back to work when DS was 6 months and my parents look after him. They're great and have so many fun ideas of what to do with him that I would never have thought of by myself Blush

DS is 9 months and loves going to the park to look at flowers eat grass and watch other children playing. He also likes to be read to if he's in a quiet mood. He likes playing with water - either in the swimming pool, bath or just a tub of water (on an old shower curtain - we don't have a garden to play in). Other than that he plays by himself but will let us know when he wants us!

Bartusmaeus · 04/07/2012 09:07

oh and DS finds it hysterical if we crawl on the floor with him, especially if we go under that table with him Grin

I find he really likes it when we get down to his level.