AIBU to think that people on buses and generally in a public place

[AltruisticEnigma]

Should not talk about private or inapproiate things?

I can't tell you the amount of times I've been on a bus or been in the street and I've heard about someone talking about their sex life, swearing away about an ethnic minority or talking about their divorce. For a start wouldn't they want to keep that kind of thing private unless they are attention seeking and also, isn't it unfair on everyone else.

I cringe when people swear or talk about sex when children are around, it really winds me up. I know they have to learn about things like that eventually but surely not by a stranger who is just too rude to keep that kind of thing quiet until they aren't in such a public place.

Perhaps I'm just complaining, but I just think it's really rude and inconsiderate, especially if children are around.

AIBU?

Public place an all that...

Who is going to determine what is inappropriate or not?

Yanbu about people talking about sex around children in public but yabu about the rest.

Wasn't there an almost identical thread about this yesterday?

Are you only just realising people behave like this. I remember hearing things which were most inappropriate on buses when I was a child 30+ years ago.

I remember watching a couple have a huge argument at about 6 or 7 and learning the word cunt! It's nothing new.

If you don't like it just ask them to mind their language/manners.

I think the thing to recognise is the people having the discussion obviously don't feel it's inappropriate and unless you are going to have some kind of police force to enforce what is and what isn't appropriate (in your eyes) then there is no way to regulate it.

I wouldn't dare go up to someone and tell them that. You never know how someone is going to react. It just makes me cringe. I was just wondering if others are disturbed by it too. Wouldn't others want to keep that kinda thing to themselves anyway?

I know it's nothing new as remember hearing things like that when I was a kid.

What's inappropriate and what's not? I suppose you're right, nobody has a set definition of what is appropriate and what isn't. However, using really bad language and talking about having sex are surely 2 things 99% of the population would agree is inappropriate? After all what's considered appropriate or abnormal is what the majority think is wrong.

I blame Paris Hilton.

Define really bad language.

There is a thread on here about a mother thinking that her child is a twat. It almost went nuclear because some posters were raised to think twat = fool, tosser etc, and others see it as a disgustingly bad/rude word.

I would steer clear of gross generalisations if I were you - using your opinions in a thread like this, and then posting that you assume "99% of the population would agree" will do you no favours.

I understand what you mean tapir but I am not saying any number is gospel. People take sayings like that far too seriously.

Bad language I consider the c and f word. I think they are pretty disgusting words in general but that's why opinion. If someone says it infront of me that's up to them and I wont shun them but in a completely public place where kids can hear, I don't see the need for it - who is it benefiting?

Mrs Haha yeah :o She's shocking. Haven't heard about her in a while, so she must be back in prison?

And that's my point exactly. Generalisations like that don't do anyone's argument any good, no matter what the numbers are.

Also, can you clarify this? "After all what's considered appropriate or abnormal is what the majority think is wrong".

Honestly, no. I'd say the largest proportion of the population aren't happy with swearing AT children but have less of a problem swearing around them. I don't have a problem with swearing around children, I grew up in a family and in an environment (only teachers didn't behave like this) where everybody swore like sailors. Swearing has become a lot more acceptable. I think I read something about this where it was implied due to television swearing was seen as more acceptable.

The sex thing is less acceptable but still relatively ok by many peoples standards. I'd say 50% of people I know, and this includes professional nice people would sit and talk about sex, probably low on detail, but still sex on public transport.

tapir Well the defintion of something abnormal is something that is considered by most of society to be strange.

Ruby It's a shame it's seen as more acceptable. I know they are just letters put together but it's the aggression and impoliteness that is usually attributed to swearing than the swearing itself that isn't pleasant.

But I am a realist. Equally, talking about sex infront of a 6 year old (I heard this the other day) is just plain weird, as well as inappropriate. I'm not talking low on detail. I'm talking at very least mildly pornographic.

There are a lot of things accepted today which were seen as abnormal by the (gross generalisation here) vast majority of the population, and there are some things which are still seen as abnormal, because people can be terribly judgmental and harsh. I did wonder exactly what you were hinting at with that phrase, thanks for clearing it up.

If you don't like it, don't listen.

my sister in law, who has known me for nearly thirty years, asked me loudly on a train if i had any symptoms of the menopause. i replied coldly 'i have no idea'.

i cannot imagine what made her think that was a suitable topic for conversation. it would not have been appropriate in private, bearing in mind that we are not intimate and do not visit each other's homes.

why she should think she would talk about that on a train is also a mystery to me.

worse still - i went into the local chip shop. i made my purchase. as she handed the goods across the counter, the chip shop lady asked 'have you started the menopause yet?' this is someone i see to say 'fish, chips and peas please...thank you' that is as close as we get. as she clearly did not know the extent of the boundary she had crossed, i said quietly 'that is not something people talk about' and left it at that.

I am not a judgemental person. I'm one of the least judgmental, open minded people most of those I know have met or so I am told. But if I am looking after a child and they have to hear it that's different than me just not wanting to hear it. If it's on a bus or something I can't take them away from it and I have a friend who is very against her kids hearing any swearing at all and I babysit her kids fairly frequently.

Wow, Lovebunny. Do you have some sort of 'Menopause, ask me about it!' sign on you? How very bizarre!

What is abnormal changes as society changes. Calling your parents' friends by their first names was abnormal when I was growing up. My son calls my friends by their first names.

lovebunny was it hot in the chip shop or was it just you?

Eavesdropping on other peoples conversations on the bus is one of my favourite pass times. The juicier the better

Oh I started a similar thread the other day here As you can see, I was hunted down and exposed as a journalist Are you one AltruisticEnigma?

But I do agree, I actually think it's good manners to be mindful of what conversations you have in public, especially if your conversation is about something controversial and could cause offense, but I don't think some people even realise they are offensive and there in the problem lies...

hmm i know what you mean, but i'm from quite a sweary family and there is usually no aggression in the way i swear they are just expletives to emphasise and describe things. DP swears like a docker and he seems to have no filter regardless of where he is. If we are on the train i often say 'stop swearing' and he looks back as if to say 'am i'? or 'no im not'.

I have no problem with cunt or fuck and i must say i think people who do are very precious. I remember someone giving exMil the v sign and her needing a cup of hot sweet tea and a lie down after. She went on about how she had been 'mentally raped'. Totally pathetic.

:o @ lovebunny and the random menopause questions are you sure you haven't got increasing facial hair and people are trying to tell you ?

FioFio I had seen your thread the other day, its a shame it went how it did. I wish it hadn't turned into a debate about means testing SN rather than the issue you had raised.

While I too can get annoyed at conversations I overhear (There is a guy I see on my Bus every Tuesday and he is always on the phone on some 'cocaine, women and I'm so rich' type conversation which pisses me off no end) but when I think about the actual reality of it there is no solution because its all subjective to the individual and there is no way I would feel happy with some kind of secret police monitoring things.

It reminds me off on another thread, a poster who works in the police said that anyone can make a complaint against another because the certain law (i forget which one) says 'cause offence', if the person complaining is offended then that is it regardless of how anyone else feels.

The people who you are overhearing would argue that nothing they have said is offensive, said with malice and they have the freedom of speech and as all these are either true or personal to the individuals involved I don't think realistically anything will change. Yes we can educate society more on people with SN, other races, sexism etc so that less people inadvertently make offensive statements but the measure of whats inappropriate will always be personal because otherwise you are moving into 1984 type stuff.

Fio No, not a journalist. Although I love to do a little journalistic investigating of my own. :)

Spuddy What the hell? That woman sounds like a joke is she being for real?

I'm not precious in any way. I don't like the word cunt because it's never really useful as it's describing the female genitalia. If it's mentioned in a pornographic piece sure it makes sense but otherwise, doesn't make much sense. I used the word fuck myself but not in a public place where people don't like that kind of language are and especially not in front of kids. If it's just me and that person in that section by all means if they swear and say sorry I will say, 'don't worry about it you go right ahead' I just really think you have to be sensitive that others are using public transport too and have a right to enjoy their time as much as you the other people do, if you get me. Especially with children.

Ruby I see what you mean. But I'd like to think some things are socially considered not that appropriate to talk about in public such as the positions you're having sex in, how you think some certain race are fucking this that and the other etc. Especially infront of children. It makes you wonder if people have no shame. I'm 22, so I'm not an old lady complaining about 'my day and age' or anything. I just think although some people will be inconsiderate and I respect that - most of the time I've heard someone doing this other members of the public are looking at them as if 'What the hell why you talking about this/using this language in public' so it must not just be me?

I know though that it's all subjective and I respect that. It's not a real rant, it's just something that annoys me. How am I supposed to 'protect' my friends kids from bad language if people are using it everywhere (her words, not mine).

Ah dear! What a web we weave!

Fio I'm sorry people started going on a rant with you.

Well Altruistic I agree on some level. That there appears a total lack of understanding of changing your vocab and behaviour to be appropriate in the circumstances.

I used to do an exercise in English with yr9/10's and ask them to think of a story/incident they would tell their friends and write it down in exactly the way they would say it. Then i asked them to write that same story if they were telling a policemen/in court/talking to the queen etc.

I was amazed that every single one just wrote the first passage out twice. All the 'yeah, right's' colloquialisms, swear words, everything.

When i tried to explain different language for different audiences some became quite hostile and responded in a very defensive way. 'Why should i change the way speak for anyone' etc. They just didn't understand respect or why they should give it.

(Almost as bad as my Geography group who all wholeheartedly agreed it was fine to mug a woman in the park if she was alone and you wanted her bag - after all she shouldn't be in the park on her own should she? I cried after that lesson)