AIBU to think that people on buses and generally in a public place

[AltruisticEnigma]

Should not talk about private or inapproiate things?

I can't tell you the amount of times I've been on a bus or been in the street and I've heard about someone talking about their sex life, swearing away about an ethnic minority or talking about their divorce. For a start wouldn't they want to keep that kind of thing private unless they are attention seeking and also, isn't it unfair on everyone else.

I cringe when people swear or talk about sex when children are around, it really winds me up. I know they have to learn about things like that eventually but surely not by a stranger who is just too rude to keep that kind of thing quiet until they aren't in such a public place.

Perhaps I'm just complaining, but I just think it's really rude and inconsiderate, especially if children are around.

AIBU?

You shouldn't eavesdrop, should you?

I agree it's revolting to swear about ethnic minorities, wherever you happen to be, and I think people yelling swear words or being graphic about sex around children are being inconsiderate tossers.

But talking? Mmm. YABU there.

But op you're putting in the context of your mindset. You have to step out of that completely and think that if those people feel comfortable talking about certain subjects in public they obviously don't feel it is inappropriate or private.

I think the question most relevant to your complaint is 'why do some people think swearing and sexual discussions are not private and inappropriate conversations to have near children?' or 'why don't people think its disrespectful to swear and discuss sex publicly?'

You shouldn't eavesdrop, should you?

Indeed - this thread is better named "how dare people say things that offend me when I am eavesdropping on them"

I'm always amazed at the things people will talk about in public without seemingly a thought about whether the entire bus or train carriage wants to hear about the details of their piles or their chiropodist's appointment or whatever. Mobile phone conversations are the worst, some people seem to lose all awareness of where they are.

The worst was probably on a bus listening to a presumably gang member discussing plans to get together with weapons and attack another gang later that evening (lovely area I live in ).

It would be nice if it didn't happen, realistically you just have to learn to tune it out.

DH gets a v busy commuter train out of London every night and regularly seems to end up near young women chatting graphically about their boyfriends etc. It's even worse when you only get one side of the conversation - he says one day he's going to get out his mobile and pretend to be on the phone with them and fill in all the gaps

I am only half serious with my 'you shouldn't eavesdrop' as I find people's daft noisy conversations in quiet public places quite entertaining on occasion. I'm just not convinced you can claim to be offended by their manners in front of children when we were all taught it's bad manners to listen in, weren't we?

I was in the quiet coach recently and a woman was regaling us all with her half of the phone conversation which went on and on and on about how she hated to complain, she was a quiet type, she didn't like to make a fuss .... someone eventually leaned over and said 'excuse me, you might have mistaken what 'not complaining' sounds like to the rest of us'.

It was brilliant. Quite mean, but also brilliant.

Cos I am a nosy cow, I love listening to other peoples conversations :). IMO if they didn't want me to hear, then they would shut up and lower their voices.

I have been enthralled by some wonderful conversations and have been tempted on more than one occasion to hand my mobile number to the conversationalists so I can get an update/find out how it all turned out :o:o

They should wash too, I nearly got knocked out by what smelt like rotten fanjo earlier.

I particularly love ghetto theatrics on the trains, where 12 year olds are being all street for the benefit of the other passengers. Me and the other passengers look at each other rolling our eyes and smirking.

But the point with some people, i think, ephiny is they don't care if the train want to hear their private details. they couldn't give a monkeys if you can hear or not. That's where their disrespect comes in. In fact there would be indignation and probably hostility if you mentioned it, as to them by not allowing them to speak freely you are in some way saying you are better than them, or their life is not valid.

Also to those who mention eavesdropping, how do you stop yourself hearing things? I often put my fingers in my ears if someone is playing music on their phone. But really if you are in a confined space it is not possible NOT to listen.

I hate sitting there having to pretend to not be listening, but really hanging on to every word, especially it's a juicy bit of goss, and I hate when your train/bus gets to your stop before you find out the end :o. Hence the plan to and over me moby no :o

suburbandream Your DH regularly 'happens' to be sitting near these girls, hmmmm...? Methinks he loves the juicy gossip and searches them out as i would.

fwiw i love eavesdropping on buses. I nearly got off a few stops early as I really wanted to know what happened with this girl on the phone and 'Dennis'. I felt like i knew them...

Yes I agree, often people just don't care who hears them. Though personally I'd be a bit embarrassed to be heard talking about personal things (or indeed wary of talking about illegal activities) in public!

And yes it is difficult not to listen sometimes even if you don't want to. Unless you have earplugs or headphones, I guess. Or often people are talking in a language I don't understand, which at least makes it easier to tune out.

LDR But the KIDS hear the talking. If it's a talk about sex or their thoughts on ethnicities etc. Like I have said, if it's just me I don't care what they talk about! But they should respect those who do mind. I know what you mean though but if someone is noisy enough, it's hard not to hear isn't it, really? To me eavesdropping is when someone is speaking very quietly and you nosely listen in. Someone speaking above normal voice level is going to be heard, really.

Ruby That is what I'm saying, yes. That's my basic question, amongst it all really. It's such a shame.

what As I have said before I am not really bothered by it, but obviously if I am with children and kids will eavesdrop, that's part of the way they are. Besides it's hard not to hear someone when they are right next to you saying this fucking bitch here that fucking wanker there or whatever. Those who find it that easy to tune it out are so very lucky indeed. :)

Ephiny I'm with you there. Normally I do try or put headphones on when I can. Not so easy dealing with a 6 year old with SN (my friends little boy) who repeats everything, mind you.

Susanne Oh yes some of the conversations are very fascinating. In fact, I would love to make a book about it. My best was on this journey from the West Midlands down to the very South West. I was on 3 trains. The first trains I was listening to some lads talking about their girlfriends and conquests and their secret trip to Amsterdam and their party in Cardiff that night. The next was 3 prostitutes who were actually openly talking about tricks and one of them was about 40 or at very least 35 and was talking about her partner not knowing she was on the game. The last one was this drunk man who didn't want to go home to his wife or their new puppy who kept shitting everywhere. It was hilarious. I watn to write a story about it so much. :D

ACT Hahaha yup, that's the one! [sick]

Thanks spuddy You are getting my point exactly is greatful someone doesn't get cross with me for voicing my opinion

Dawn

So...?

What DID happen with Dennis? :D

The kids shouldn't be eavesdropping either.

I know sometimes you can't help hearing something. I know sometimes people talk overly loudly in public spaces. But you cannot make this into an issue of politeness and consideration if you are not addressing the basic fact that it is rude to listen in. IMHO.

Seriously LRD how do you NOT listen? I once was on a bus in croydon and some of the girls i taught were talking about losing their virginity on the washing machine and 'just being fingered or sucking blokes off instead of sex'.

I couldn't escape, hearing is like smelling, you just can't stop it!

But if you can't help hearing then listening in is no longer an issue, IMHO.

Exactly, Spuddy.

If someone is bellowing in my ear, I'll ask them to be quiet and I'll think they're rude. If they are simply audible, I'll ignore.

By eavesdropping, I mean paying attention to a conversation that's audible, but not directed at you - I think you take it to mean straining to hear something? I'd try to ignore and tune out ... I was really thinking of the way I got taught as a child 'oh, don't listen in' when I asked what such-and-such a word meant.

I'm being a little defensive as I swear in public, not loudly, but I do, and though I'd probably try not to do it in front of children I am sure sometimes I don't remember.

As i said in my earlier post i also swear LRD and tbh i wouldn't really mind. I grew up in pubs with people swearing around me and i never swore before i was 14 - because i was told not to.

But graphic descriptions of personal issues, illnesses, sexual activities is different from 'by the time we get there i bet the fucking shop's closed' etc.

I actually can't tune thing out tho. If i can hear it i can hear it and that's it. I can't 'just not listen'.