Step Gran not letting Grandad having time with his Grandchildren

[mumbodragon]

My D remarried 6 years ago after splitting with my M after 30+ years of marriage. The woman who is now my step mother is 9 years older than me and has 3 children.
I have done every thing I can to make her and her children feel part of the family but felt there was something not quite adding up (you know that little nag inside your head that something is wrong somewhere).
We are now 6 years into their marriage and gradually my D is seeing us less and less always with an excuse of something has come up with them or he is doing something with them.
My problem is my children they want to spend time with him and see him other than birthdays. For some reason we are never asked round to their house and if he does come over he is on his own and looking at his watch all the time.
Now things have come to a head and we feel that he must make some type of commitment to his grandchildren to spend time with them and stick to it or walk away so that they are not disappointed all the time. :(

I'm not sure I see a man having his 10 year old grandson as his best man as a sign of being close. It makes him sound a bit sad and friendless, although at my second marriage we didn't bother with a best man or bridesmaids so maybe "best man" was just the name they gave to your son.
As your children get older and go to college and leave home you may feel relieved that you and your husband can live your own lives and don't have parents trying to live their lives through you and your children. If your son is now 16 what sort of things is he keen to do with his grandfather? I find getting my teenage son to spend time with his parents is hard enough. Does your son need more hobbies if he is at a loose end much of the time? Are you and his dad too busy to do stuff with him?

Its not can he afford to take them a walk cost nothing
The face book thing lots of people posted on the comment even in reply to what I posted why would she automatically think I was referring to my dad when last time I spoke to him he was alive she knew who the post was about as did my mother in law DH whos husband and dad it was e
even when I sent her a privet message to tell her it was about my FIL she claimed it was about my dad and unfriended the family
I am sorry you can miss read things on face book we all have but when somebody explains it was taken the wrong way and all partys who might be offended (my dad mother is law and husband) understand why cant she

hmm don't be so sure he wasn't hurt.

My son and his grandad use to build things for his magic act
My dad has many friends and my brother but asked my son to be his best man thats how close they were
Her oldest daughter was the chief bridesmaid

You sound jealous.

And in all this I really feel for your mum - your son was best man while your dad married his mistress after 30 years of marriage was thrown away and you championed the OW.

Your mum is the only adult who deserves sympathy.

Well maybe then your father is a selfish and weak man who doesn't value his gc or deserve them. If he walked out on a 30 year marriage he certainly has propensity. And SM has drawn up the drawbridge too.

Your dcs are old enough to accept it and shrug it off as one of those things (think it will be more painful for you to accept) especially if they have other family and friends who do enjoy spending time with them.

I have no doubt that in years to come your df with come to miss and regret his lack of relationship with the gc and you.

I must be slow as how can he have been hurt when I spoke to him the day before and he is not dead...our relationship was as normal until she questioned the post thats when it all kicked off thats why we dont understand her actions and again when I spoke to my dad tonight he was fine about it and said she miss-understood
Am I not allowed to post about any body who has passed and every body else is my husband understood it and it was about his dad

Hurt maybe in that you're refering to the "gap" left by your FIL as the same as the gap that would be left in losing your actual dad.
"I feel the gap"

"...our relationship was as normal until she questioned the post thats when it all kicked off "

And you are willing to cut contact, if he doesn't agree to a binding visiting schedule? It would be hurtful to your kids to lose what time they do have with him.

I must say a big thank you to all that have imputed in the discussion its nice to get others perspective on a point I have read all the comments posted and considered your advice its also nice to be able to vent frustration
Please understand my children are my first concern and if they are unhappy or upset as a mum you do your best to help and fix were you can
At the end of the day it is up to them what relationship they have with there grandfather and if they say enough is enough I will stand by them
All of the points raised will be put to them
As for me my dad is my dad and she is my step mum (but I still think Disney had it right )

any visiting would be nice binding or not and you cant lose something that was already lost

We have lost so many and my FIL was no saint by a long shot yet even in the time we had with him he was there for the children as was my dad until he married her
its sad to think he just cant sort out how to give up some of the life he has to spent it with his grandchildren
There are grandparents in the world for what ever reason cant see there grandchildren and here I have two just asking for some time the only problem I cant see them willing to wait as their lives move on the time they had will be spoken for unless he can build a relationship now he may never get the chance again to watch them grow and be part of their lives he has missed so much in 6 years already