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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just ignore ignore ignore?

73 replies

DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 16:49

Ok a year ago I met another mum in school with a child with the same an as mine. She seemed nice and we got on really well, the only thing was she did a lot of... Bitching... But the boys were good friends so I just ignored and avoided any conversations about others. As I have school holidays off I did a lot of baby sitting for her lad with SN, not easy with 2 of them but I was happy to do it to save her money as we were friends.

In the past couple of months I noticed she only ever called me when the holidays were coming up to ask me to have her son or when we were taking both the boys to a lesson as I was the driver.

Anyway she stopped coming to said lesson for a month now. Different excuses each week and I wasn't really bothered as it was easier with one. Then I found out she was going on a different day with someone else.

So I thought about it and decided she didn't want to be friends and that was ok, friendships run their course and the kids are now in different schools (my son in special) so I just stopped texting her and ringing her. There was no contact for a bit.

She then rang yesterday to ask if I'd have her son for a few weeks in the holidays, I said I an sorry but I have other plans this year. She then hung up and text a few minutes later going mad at me for saying no and saying it was all about the horse riding.

I told her that I was annoyed she hadn't told me but she never really spoke to me anymore so I have made other plans with other mums.

She then went on to a group we are on on fb (one i run in rl too support for the SN our sons have) and started posting very personal things about me that I had told her in confidence, the posts were immediately deleted and she was banned and I immediately blocked her. Then she started texting me saying she was coming round to hit me and calling my son a lot of not very nice names. I text her back saying if she came to my home I would call the police and to calm down. Then didn't reply to the massive amounts of texts I got.

This was all last night.

This morning a mum from school came up to me and told me she has been spreading a load of lies about me on fb.new rant every 10 minutes. I laughed and said to ignore it, it's just childish and I wouldn't reply, the other mum said I should stick up for myself more.

My argument is; she's lost free childcare, she's shown herself up in front of everyone in the only support group around here, she's continuing to show herself up on fb.

I don't feel like stooping to her level and putting things on Facebook...I'm 24 not 15. (she is 32 by the way also not 15)

But the other mum seemed to think I was being a bit of a push over letting her say what she likes.

Don't get me wrong I am very upset by this but I figure anyone who believes a grown woman ranting on Facebook isn't really worth the hassle anyway? AIBU to just ignore or should I do something ?

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 03/07/2012 17:13

Don't think that calling the Police is extreme. They will probably just caution her.

People like this are allowed to get away with things forever if nobody ever picks them up on it!

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:14

I would do that if they were still at the same school but my son moved to special 6 months ago and hers is still in mainstream so the school thing isn't an issue thankfully!

OP posts:
sesameflower · 03/07/2012 17:15

I had similar problems with someone once. I called the police and they were surprisingly great about it and nipped it off. They will just talk to her.

Call them. Its not overly harsh in that they'd would arrest her and take her to court unless you wanted that but they would tell her to stop. she is bullying you and slandering you. That is wrong and you shouldnt allow anyone to do that to you. call the police.

Noqontrol · 03/07/2012 17:16

This is it though isn't it. Why should you have to put up with this type of behaviour that you thought you'd left behind at your own school. The answer is, you don't. I could not let someone get away with doing that and thinking its ok and that people won't do anything to tackle her bullying behaviour. She'll move on from you at some point and make a victim of someone else. And It's Just Not On.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:17

Maybe I'll ring the none emergency number tomorrow if she hasn't packed it in by then. Hoping she will. My only worry is that she only lives round the corner and we bump into each other regularly.

I know she's annoyed that she will have to pay for holiday clubs for her son now and that's probably what has set her off. But I'm quite glad I made the decision not to bother anymore if this is what she's like when people don't pander to her every whim

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 03/07/2012 17:18

It doesn't matter that your children go to different schools. What will happen next time someone says no to her? She will do the same to them, and the next one, and the next one.

Be the one to break the cycle. Call the police. They will come to your house and take a statement, and just go and have a word with her. This will hopefully break the cycle.

You don't deserve this, but if you do nothing you are enabling her to continue and do it to others.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:19

You're right I'd hate for it to keep happening. I am starting to question some of the stuff she has said to me about other people who have apparently wronged her now. Sad

OP posts:
Noqontrol · 03/07/2012 17:19

Yep, and if you bump into her and she gives you grief, then call the police again for harassment. And eventually she'll learn that she needs to reign in her behaviour.

Goolash · 03/07/2012 17:21

She sounds unhinged. What kind of person expects 3 weeks of free child are then threatens to hit when they don't get it. It's completely nuts.

I would keep a record of her behaviour and any texts.

arthurfowlersallotment · 03/07/2012 17:22

I'm with the others in going to the police. She has threatened and slandered you.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:23

Ok you've talked me into it. Police none emergency number tomorrow. Couldn't do it while my sons awake he echos everything I say and there's no way I could concentrate Grin

OP posts:
TheEnthusiasticTroll · 03/07/2012 17:25

call the police they will just have a word with her and she will back off. then just ignore and say nothing to her or anyone else.

Noqontrol · 03/07/2012 17:26

Good for you. Let us know how you get on.

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 03/07/2012 17:26

Is there a local police station close to you, I would go in and have a word and show them the texts.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:30

I'm just worrying that calling the police will 'fuel the fire' so to speak. She's already posted lots of very private things about me on group which were removed immediately. I don't want her to start up a much more private rant telling strangers about my life Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:31

I'm not sure where my local police station is now I think it's moved in the past couple of years and I've never needed it before :-/

OP posts:
TheEnthusiasticTroll · 03/07/2012 17:33

I really dont think it will Op I think it will scare her into stopping or embarase her into stopping. she will have a rant about it on facebook but will soon stop.

arthurfowlersallotment · 03/07/2012 17:34

Can you also screen shot all the FB stuff before you delete it?

Good luck!

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:35

I hope so. I don't need this really. I have enough going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:36

I cant screen shot as I've blocked her, I've only been told about it by another mum who showed me on her phone. I read one of the posts and passed it back deciding I didn't want to see the rest as it really upset me

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 03/07/2012 17:38

I assume your privacy settings are set nice and tight, so I would be tempted to post the status

"Dozy would like to apologise to any friends caught up in the current mess, I am trying to resolve the situation as calmly as possible. Please message me if you'd like clarification on any rumours you might hear."

TheEnthusiasticTroll · 03/07/2012 17:38

The police i imagine would handle this quite well, I know someone who had to call the police over something similar, they where quite cool in dealing with it, they asked the person how their employer may view this as if it continued and they had to take criminal action they would very much need to make an appearence in their work place to talk to thier boss to get a better idea of thier character. they worked in a schoola and this is appaently what made them stop, they litteraly shit it when the police said that.

Noqontrol · 03/07/2012 17:39

The thing is dozy, she can do that anyway. And she may well do. The private things about your life, although you don't really want others to know, would it really really be so dreadful if she did tell? Because whilst you feel so strongly about it, she's got something to blackmail you with.

There's things about my life that I'd rather people didn't know, but if it's a choice between people knowing, and some unhinged wench using it to bully and blackmail me, well then the whole bloody world knowing is the lesser evil. Although I think if the police get on her case it's likely she will tread more carefully anyway.

Original poster
DozyDuck · 03/07/2012 17:40

Purple that's a good idea. I might do that. Troll, she works for a bank so I'm assuming police involvement wouldn't be very well accepted.

OP posts:
loopyluna · 03/07/2012 17:41

Ignore, keep record of fb and texts, if it continues or escalates, call police. You could also report her to fb now...

Well done for rising above it.