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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to have my cats at my new house against the advice of a friend that lives 500 miles away.

28 replies

nearlyuptheduff · 03/07/2012 15:42

Long one I'm afraid....

Basically, DH and I have moved to a 3 bed house set back from a fairly busy main road. I live in Edinburgh and my "friend" lives in Cambridge and she pretty much told me that if I took my 2 cats to the new house near the main road she'd never speak to me again. Also said "she'd never move somewhere like that"..... she has now not spoken to me for around 2 months.

I am big enough and ugly enough to make my own decisions, surely she has no right to tell me what to do when she hasn't been to the new house and knows nothing about it apart from it being on a main road.

Is this woman just being a total snobby douche bag or AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2012 15:43

She's a bit obsessed. I would just leave it. YANBU.

Tee2072 · 03/07/2012 15:44

So she's not speaking to you because you didn't listen to her "advice" about where to live in regards to your cats?

Is she 12 years old?

Original poster
nearlyuptheduff · 03/07/2012 15:45

Pretty much!! Now that I have written this down and read it back a few times I can now see for myself that I am IANBU!!

OP posts:
ratspeaker · 03/07/2012 15:47

What were you supposed to do with the cats if they didn't move with you? Put them down?
Is it more that she doesn't approve of where you live and is therefore sulking?
Either way she's not much of a friend

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/07/2012 15:47

She sounds a bit mad!! What did she expect you to do with them and what has it got to do with her anyway??

ratspeaker · 03/07/2012 15:49

Were you living close to her before and she's sulking because you've moves?

Original poster
nearlyuptheduff · 03/07/2012 15:50

My parents have just split up and my mother has been having an affair, we lost out on a house we REALLY wanted and I'd just had a miscarriage so can't believe she thought it appropriate to give advice when she knew everything else that was going on... silly bint.

Very annoying, she makes me feel like the idiot.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 03/07/2012 15:50

She doesn't sound like much of a friend, TBH.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 03/07/2012 15:50

I don't blame you for moving as far away as possible from this freak of nature.

Loads of people live on main roads with cats. Not all the cats go splat.

Tell her to get stuffed.

Original poster
nearlyuptheduff · 03/07/2012 15:51

@ ratspeaker

she has lived in Cambridge with her partner for years and has been unhappy for years. I have offered advice on her personnal situation before which she has chisen to ignore and now she is not speaking to me.... puzzled face.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 03/07/2012 15:52

I reckon having her never speak to you again is probably a great result, she sounds barking!

Buttwart · 03/07/2012 15:52

She's a fucking idiot bastarding cunt.

God it feels good to get out the pent up rage.

NimpyWindowMash · 03/07/2012 15:53

There must be more to it. It can't just be because of the cats. Confused

GetOrfMoiiLand · 03/07/2012 15:53

Send her a picture of the M5 with your cats photoshopped on it.

Original poster
nearlyuptheduff · 03/07/2012 15:53

@ buttwart

Thanks!! that's a bit how I feel today too!!!

OP posts:
reluctanttownie · 03/07/2012 15:53

Her reaction sounds extreme. Having said that your new location sounds unsuitable for cats. A rescue charity wouldn't allow you to adopt cats next to a main road, so moving cats you already have to somewhere like that could seem irresponsible. But from your description we don't know any more than your 'friend' does.

YouOldSlag · 03/07/2012 15:54

YANBU. We are set back from a residential road i.e there is a front garden, path and grassy verge to separate us from it. When getting our rescue cats the home assessor expressed her concerns about us living near-ish a road and I said "If you only housed cats to people who didn't live near a road, you'd never re-home them all". She agreed.

When I lived in London, I rang a small independent cats home that flatly refused me a cat because I lived near a road (actually a cul de sac). In London!

Almost everyone lives near a road, unless they live rurally or on a farm. TBH our cats are scared of the noise cars make and end up round the back all the time.

Your friend is using blackmail to get you to do her bidding. It's probably a good thing you've lost her friendship.

ratspeaker · 03/07/2012 16:08

I'm just trying to get my head around the logic of someone several hundred miles away giving you advice on where and how to live.
I think she's done you a favour by stopping speaking to you>
A real friend would have been encouraging aand supporting you in all you've been through, no matter how far away they are
Not hoiking judgy pants up to her oxters
Its more likely she, or her partner, have not liked the advice you've given and its easier for her to blame you than her partner- from the sounds of it anyway

Mrsjay · 03/07/2012 16:10

she sounds a loon is she a crazy cat lady Grin and worried your cats will be run over , is it not the done thing to live a main road i really cant figue out what she is moaning about tbh , I think you have had a lucky escape with her not speaking to you again.

Paiviaso · 03/07/2012 16:13

Maybe she is just a bit passionate about cat welfare.

At any rate, she's gone overboard in the "proving a point" category!

Maybe there is really a different underlying issue making her act crazy?

KirstyJC · 03/07/2012 16:18

We are onto a road, only a pavement between the front door and the road itself. A small road it's true, single file because of people parking, but busy during the school run times. Cats Protection weren't in the least bit bothered about it so long as we put our cat flap out of the kitchen into the back garden.

Your friend sounds barmy tbh. I assume you have somewhere for your cats to play other than the road? So no problem I would imagine.

Enjoy your new house (and making new friends).

PleasantlySurprised · 03/07/2012 16:46

YANBU. Even given that your new house might sound unsuitable for cats, they're your cats and it's YOUR business if they get splatted (which they probably won't. Cats are cleverer than some people give them credit for). Look on it this way, what would your response be if she said she wouldn't talk to you again because your new house was in the catchment area of, say, a crap school and you were putting your children's education in the balance? You'd tell her to f-off!

As a crazy cat lady myself, I'd say keep them indoors for a bit. Then let them out the back a bit supervised, and yell at them if they go near the road. They're not daft - most cats which aren't strays don't really like busy roads because of the noise. And try to keep them in at night, because they're more likely to get knocked down because they can't judge speed and distance when they're blinded by the headlights. Other than that, let her get on with it. Silly moo!

Charliefarlie1192 · 03/07/2012 16:50

a pet rescue once told me that as long as you always put cats out the back they will stay at the back, so if thats away from main road then do that.

I have to say though I agree with your friend, I lost my cat on the road recently because my sister made me feel so guilty about wanting to rehome her due to the main road that i kept her

Mrsjay · 03/07/2012 16:52

we lived near a road and My cat managed fine she would cross it to go on her travels charlie im sorry about your cat

DublinMammy · 03/07/2012 16:54

Leave the bitch! Wink