To mention this to DS's new teacher?

[MegumiEto]

DS is my eldest, so possibly being a bit PFB, but also a bit wary because I never enjoyed school at all and I want him to have a better experience than I did. I also don't know much about how schools operate these days, everything is very different than it was when I went.

DS is going to be one of the very youngest in his year, and will only just have turned four when he starts school this Sept. He's also not spent a lot of time away from home, only had 9hrs a week at preschool since November.

For all that, he's not a shy kid, and has settled in pretty well. BUT, he has a real temper and can be very very defiant if not handled properly. By handled properly, I mean you have to encourage him to do something rather than tell him, threaten him etc. If he perceives that he is being told what to do, it's like a switch flips and he reverts back to the terrible twos - screaming, hitting, kicking, refusing to do anything.

Over time, I've realised the best thing to do for a calm household is to encourage him gently to do things and tell him he is helping me etc. I don't sweat the small stuff and things are a lot smoother.

Preschool has been ok, a few behaviour problems but his carer has handled him brilliantly, and brings the best out of him in the same way i do at home.

I'm worried that when he moves up to school, he might just seem like a naughty kid and just get an endless series of punishments rather than have the best brought out of him if the teacher doesn't realise how to handle him.

On the other hand, maybe it would be best if he realised he can't behave like a silly toddler every time something doesn't go his way, and it might help him to stop this behaviour? I have had no success with this approach at home, BTW.

I'm asking for opinions because the teacher is coming for a home visit next week and I'm not sure whether to raise it with her.

NannyPlum it's fine I'm not trusting the reports blindly, we chose the school based on visits and talking to teachers as well as parents of children who go there.

So you wouldn't tell the teachers, even if they specifically ask for that kind of information?

Depends on how you approach it.

If you approach it in as "Ds is very stubborn if he's told what to do, and can get very angry about it." and in a we can work together-you can rely on me to support you as he learns that sometimes he has to do as he's told without arguing. That's fine.

If it's "my ds is very sensitive. I don't expect him to do what I say unless I have conjoled, bribed and gently persuaded him. I want you to make sure you don't ever tell him what to do, you've got to be very gentle with him because he's very special and use the same way as I do. If you do tell him what to do, he'll get angry, but it's really your fault because you shouldn't do that." Then expect to be labelled as "neurotic parent with undisciplined child".

There will be other young for their year children in the class. There will have been last year, and there will be next year. They can handle it. I personally think it's better for them to know triggers for your child. At the same time they need to know that you will support them, so if your child comes home upset because they've been told off, the first reaction shouldn't be "dreadful teacher, all their fault".

There will be times when he will be told what to do, and he will need to learn this. They can't spend all morning persuading little Jonny to put the train set away which he was told not to get out in the first place... or even all afternoon persauding him to come in after lunch time.

I would definitely have a word. "He's very tempermental & I find this the best way to defuse his worst tempers...." In my experience the teachers will be grateful for the heads up, they realise that some of the children are very very young still. He won't be the only volatile one there at all.

Both of my brothers were the youngest, their birthdays are late July. They were always the most mature and did well academically, highest in classes and all that. Im dead proud of them both as you can probably tell because i talk about them a lot. do those months make that much of a difference?

They do WhiteWidow - there's a lot of stuff about there about the effects of summer birthdays particularly on boys. And if you look at sport most professional athletes have winter birthdays.

Not sure if they do now but some schools used to give summer birthday weighting in their entrance exams too.

And the children do generally catch-up but it can take a while.

Ah I see. Im glad my brothers were an exception then. Aw tis a shame.

Well its not true of all summer children - I was born in August and was fine and many children catch-up as I said so its not as though it blights them for life.

I think it depends on how you intend to tell the teacher about your ds. I wouldn't necessarily want to send a child into Reception labelled with behavioural issues because they so often behave very differently in a school environment. I don't see any problem in mentioning that he is opinionated and can be somewhat definite in how he wants his opinions recognised though! It may well be that his new teacher gets quite a clear picture of him from the home visit. However, I think you may be a tad unrealistic in expecting that your methods will always be appropriate in a class of, say, 30 children since even the most sensitive teacher will not have the time to gently encourage one single child in achieving his own way.

Most schools go in for praising good behaviour rather than punishing bad these days, especially in the early years.