Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

..to think this ex-friend has crossed a line?

60 replies

SomeAngelsAreMeantToBeFallen · 02/07/2012 08:34

For a couple of years I was close friends with a work colleague. We fell out last year and haven't spoken since. There is no way we will ever be friends again.

We have both been bitchy, saying bad things about one another, and I am not proud of it.
But I have found out over the weekend that she has told multiple people a massive secret of mine, something that has the potential to ruin my family.
Yes I have said nasty things about her, and I know it was bad but AIBU to think she has compleatly crossed a line?

And WWUD?

OP posts:

smellsofsick · 02/07/2012 14:06

yawn nice one, now you've told her secrets to the whole of Mumsnet instead. Hope you've got it off your chest.

Move on and stop being mean to each other.

SheIsTheCatsMother · 02/07/2012 14:06

Sounds like the gloves are off.

ArtVandelay · 02/07/2012 14:06

Well, I think you should sit down and have a chat given the power you both have to destroy each other. It's like you both have nuclear weapons. Do you really want to 'blow up' all these innocent people just over your personal differences? It's corny but - can you not think of the children?

Teeb · 02/07/2012 14:06

You both sound pretty vindictive and it sounds like a horrible environment to be working in for your colleagues.

lisaro · 02/07/2012 14:09

You both sound as immature and as bad as each other. Let Jeremy Kyle sort it.

Floggingmolly · 02/07/2012 14:26

God almighty! Do people really discuss such intimate details of their lives with their work colleagues? No wonder it came back to bite you on the bum.

Original poster

SomeAngelsAreMeantToBeFallen · 02/07/2012 14:32

Actually the reason I told the boss that her her physio was not physio was not meant in a spiteful way, it was because for six weeks I had been forced to stay late to cover her 'break' which made me late to collect DS from school. I asked several times for it to be sorted out but was told there was nothing they could do because she had to go to physio, so I sent an anonymous letter to the boss telling him that her physio was no longer happening. For 5 months after we stopped being friends I said nothing.
I wouldn't have told them about it, but when it was the choice between keeping quite and being late to collect DS, or telling, I don't think I really had a choice. I tried for weeks for sort someone else to cover, but there was no body else. And I was sometimes 30 minutes late to get DS, and there was nobody else I could ask to collect him either.

Your right I do think I am better than her, I wouldn't do half the things she has, and I certainly wouldn't tel anyone out of spite.
Yes I know I have bitched too, and I admit I was wrong and it was stupid.

And just to clarify, my secrety is not something I have done, it is a lie that I told to protect someone.

We were friends for years outside of work, and I thought she was a good friend, but it turned out she wasn't.

OP posts:

thebackson12 · 02/07/2012 14:34

I think as you have told the MN world her secrets you can tell us yours.

brokendowndaphne · 02/07/2012 14:36

why didnt you explain to her about collecting your child and saying if she didnt come clean you would have to tell the boss

be open about it not sneak behind her back telling tales anonymously

insancerre · 02/07/2012 14:38

Shit happens, but it's how you deal with that shit that makes all the difference.
Secrets always have a way of being found out. You are just going to have to face up to it- it's tough but it's the only way. Don't get in the position of telling more lies to cover- it will all blow up in your face.
Just remember that it all happens for a reason and the only thing you can do is to put it down to experience and learn from it.

ArtVandelay · 02/07/2012 14:38

You are pretty crap at doing anonymous letters then, if everyone knows it was you. You might as well just sort it out on Jezza or in the pub Peggy Mitchell style as its gone past the realms of reason a long time ago.

Feminine · 02/07/2012 14:39

I can see what you are talking about op :)

YANBU I am getting from your posts that she has crossed the line somehow?

that happens.

I don't think there is much you can do though. Lets hope the innocent you lied to protect, is left out of it.

CurrySpice · 02/07/2012 14:40

Do you live in Albert Square OP? It sounds like a soap opera to me. And it sounds like she's giving as good as she gets. You telling the boss about the physio could've lost her her job (although tbh she would've deserved to!) so you are the one that's upped the ante. Now you are reaping what you sowed

ArtVandelay · 02/07/2012 14:43

So how bad was this lie anyway? Like - no, of course you don't look fat in that leotard. Or - DS Smith, I can assure you that Brian was at my house the for the whole night when that family was murdered?

CurrySpice · 02/07/2012 14:49

I just snorted at "you don't look fat in that leotard" :o

FutTheShuckUp · 02/07/2012 15:02

She has but so did you when you grassed her up to the boss.
Maybe you could pull each others hair for a bit and forget it ever happened?

ohdoone · 02/07/2012 15:22

Well you shouldn't have blabbed a massive secret in the first place but as you did and innocent parties could get hurt its now about damage limitation so personally I would call her and tell her you know she's been blabbing and if you hear anymore your going to tell everyone she knows what ever you know about her if you hear anymore gossip, assuming you have some dirt that is?

Latara · 02/07/2012 15:24

Work is a place where you need to be professional; you are there to advance your career; work hard & earn money.
Even if you are very good friends; just DON'T share secrets that you a) don't want anyone else to hear & b) can be used against you in the future.
Try to present your 'best self' to colleagues - that means being mature & adult, responsible & reliable.
I work with one of my 'best friends' - she is not a bitchy person but i would never share certain personal information with her; just in case she got drunk with other colleagues (which happens) & told them the secrets by accident.

Obviously it's a bit late in this situation, OP.
I don't know what to say; other than go into work tomorrow & stop the gossip, be mature & get on with your job.

Everyone knows who the gossips & bitchy people are; no-one trusts them or relies on them - & no clever person would want that reputation.
Gossip damages the person spreading that gossip most of all.
No-one likes it when people 'tell tales' to management either. It's different when a colleague is behaving fraudulently, abusing staff / customers / patients; stealing etc. But general 'telling tales' to management about things that could be dealt with by the team or by yourself is pathetic.

You need to concentrate on improving your own behaviour & reputation fast - forget this ex-friend.

Original poster

SomeAngelsAreMeantToBeFallen · 03/07/2012 07:41

We work opposite shifts, so we never have to work together (thankfully).
There has been no bitching at work, it was all between mutual friends.
Nobody knows that is was me who told the boss about her 'physio', she has only rexently suspected that it was me, but she has no proof.
And I didnt say, oh by the way she skives work for two hours on a paid break and has done for well over a year. I just said her physio sessions have now ended and she no longer requires the time off. I made sure I did it as subtly as possible, and she didn't get in trouble, they have no idea what she was doing and for how long. They only took away her break. (reading back I realise I didn't make that clear)

OP posts:

glastocat · 03/07/2012 07:47

You sound as bad as each other.

IDontDoIroning · 03/07/2012 08:01

Shes very lucky you didn't tell them the whole truth.

In my workplace lying to get 2 hours paid break would result in a disciplinary and probably after 18m would result in dismissal.

Her defrauding her work was having an adverse impact on you and directly affecting your ability to meet your responsibilities to your child. She must have known this and persisted, she would have got found out at some point.

Having known that a person would do this to their employer I would probably think that this person wasn't the most trustworthy, and wouldn't have shared significant secrets with them.

DaisySteiner · 03/07/2012 08:06

Why did you fall out in the first place?

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2012 08:09

Youboth sound awful. Grow up and be professional nd hope she can do the same

Gibbous · 03/07/2012 08:13

My sympathy was tentatively with you (it's one thing to make petty snidey comments, quite another to maliciously let out a life-changing secret) until this bit: I dropped her in it at work (by letting our boss know that the weekly 'physio' that she has to take two hours out of work, while being paid, is actually not physio any more

I can understand why you wanted to address it but surely you could have emailed her and said "look it's not on, I'm having to cover for you". If not email there would have been another way (write her a letter instead of the boss?!). As it is she perceived that what you did was malicious and got her revenge.

But I agree with Cockwomble, it's doubtful whether either of you are being taken notice of now tbh. Everyone is probably rolling their eyes by now whenever either of you makes another bitchy comment about the other.

QuietNinjaObsessing · 03/07/2012 08:25

I'm actually surprised that a grown woman is admitting to acting like such a child. I know there are people who never leave the playground but asking for sympathy because someone is doing exactly the same as you? Yab completely unreasonable. Do t bitch ab

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread