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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit offened and slightly embarrased at this

83 replies

MrsBucketxx · 02/07/2012 05:47

I am currently staying in a hotel in kl. its full of all sorts of nationalities etc, who on the whole are lovely and really friendly and love playing and making a fuss of dc's.

Today is the first morning i hav breakfasted on my own with the dc's which are 10 months and two, i always have the staff playing with them etc.

all was well until a british lady came over and said in shocked tones " wow are you on your own travelling with two little ones, your brave" i explained that dh was at work etc, but was mortified and could feel the redness in my face. i didnt like the way she almost made me feel like i had to explian myself.

am i BU or just over sensitive

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 02/07/2012 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 02/07/2012 09:51

Kuala Lumpar

iknowwho · 02/07/2012 09:56

btw im not embarassed to be seen as a single parent. they are amazing and deserve medals.
That is so patronising!!

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 10:08

I don't get why nationality is of note here.

Gibbous · 02/07/2012 10:10

Ha ha! I thought KL was King's Lynn. Soz! Blush

Perhaps nationality is a bit more relevant then...

I did wonder why you'd be holidaying in the Fens.

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2012 10:12

Over sensitive...massively.

I love the way people put random letters on the board and expect us to work out what they mean.

I was thinking Kings Lynn too Grin

CurrySpice · 02/07/2012 10:17

I have laughed my head off at kings lynn!! Grin

Op I think you get the idea that yabu. Grips need to be got!

kittyandthefontanelles · 04/07/2012 05:07

I felt stealth boast too. Ooh look at me in king's Lynn!

Gibbous - the fens are lovely to holiday in according to my parents.

DronesClub · 04/07/2012 05:31

I think there may be a bit of being overwhelmed by a huge move and change in life underneath your over sensitivity. (and imo moving to the fens would have been equally overwhelming Wink !!)
Having made a similar move I know what it's like doing every meal in a hotel usually by yourself and feeling like they are running wild (is it a business style hotel versus tourist?) I couldn't wait to get into our new home and stop feeding the monsters in public

Good luck with the rest of the move .... And relax!!!

Thumbwitch · 04/07/2012 05:36

YABU - massively over-sensitive. She was just being nice. I had people say that to me when I took DS on the plane back home to the UK by myself, when he was about 2 - how brave I was to do it alone - not really, he's a brilliant flyer (thankfully!!!) and he was only one child. It's nice when people take the time to compliment you. Don't knock it back - there's enough standoffishness in the world as it is.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 04/07/2012 05:47

Don't worry OP- in a couple of weeks you'll have your amah to maintain control and you can drink coffee and read the paper in peace Wink

In the meantime, I shd warn you that you def need to lighten up in order to arm yourself against barrage of well-meaning but Shock comments that will come your way, living in Asia. Here are a few personal gems

Security Guard: Ah, you go to gym? Good idea because you are fatter than before

Shop Assistant: Missy, missy, you come in. We have really big sizes. Will fit even you.

MsPaperbackWriter · 04/07/2012 05:58

Bloody hell, I was expecting something serious. Is that it?! Really? That's what offended you so much?

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 04/07/2012 06:32

I do find the more I read posts like this on MN, the more I never want to say a THING to anyone I don't know ever again for risk of offending them

Me too Valium - I never knew that having simple verbal interacation with people was such a minefield of doom until I discovered MN. It makes me wonder sometimes if there is anyone completely sane in this world.

geegee888 · 04/07/2012 06:49

Where on earth is kl? Kuala Lumpar?

YANBU though. You were being judged. I get this when I holiday on my own. Recently I went to Spain for dental treatment on my own, without a male companion for protection. Several British people that I met commented that I was "brave" to go over on my own. Gulp.

Brazen it out OP, and feel nothing but pity for the timid souls that feel the need to comment on this. By their logic, things like going shopping on your own must be equally out of reach...

Plus, you might have been a single parent. Such remarks could be very offensive.

Labootin · 04/07/2012 07:12

chortle @ rich man
I've lost quite a bit of weight and my maid was highly amused when I bought a smaller size dress..."ahhh ma'am you used to be sooooo fat" with arms held out to show what a heffalump I was.

paradisechick · 04/07/2012 08:10

And here was me thinking everyone knew kl! It's called that so often!

Anyway, fantastic city get out and about and enjoy! Use taxis trying to walk is mental. Don't get the hotel to flag you one it'll be one of the blue expensive ones and make sure they put the meter on! Where in the city are you?

Gibbous · 04/07/2012 08:37

*Ooh look at me in king's Lynn!

Gibbous - the fens are lovely to holiday in according to my parents.*

Ha ha, yeah if it was a stealth boast - I don't know - it backfired spectacularly!

I know Kitty, it is a nice part of the world and I'm sure they're great for a holiday if you're not after lots of sun and, more importantly, they're not on your doorstep! Suggest the Broads to your parents as well if they haven't done the boating thing yet.

OP - I can kinda see why you might have felt a bit, um, invaded, it depends on how in your face this woman was I guess and from the way you reacted I suspect she must have been a bit.

However, I'd suggest taking things in the spirit in which they were intended, which was friendly and complimentary in this case, and perhaps applying a bit of a generous spirit yourself in how you take what others are saying.

Ephiny · 04/07/2012 08:41

I don't get what there was to be offended/embarrassed about, I don't think she was assuming you were a single parent, just 'travelling on your own'. Are you very shy and just uncomfortable with a stranger speaking to you at all?

I guess you could say it was not her business to make any comment about your family and travel arrangements at all, but surely she was just being friendly, and you're over-reacting a bit!

Gibbous · 04/07/2012 08:42

Plus, you might have been a single parent. Such remarks could be very offensive.

I disagree, just because the woman was making the remark specifically in the context of being in a foreign city on her own with two kids. Which, actually, I think is fairly brave (and I am a single parent who has taken her one, now older, child on holiday many times) but I mean that in the nicest possible way!

diavlo · 04/07/2012 08:42

I think you probably need to get out a bit more. The lady was being supportive!

kittyandthefontanelles · 04/07/2012 15:55

Gibbous-

I've been wanting to boat the broads for years. Hope to do it yet. Are you over that way? Very lucky.

Pandemoniaa · 04/07/2012 16:00

You don't need a slap. But you do need to be more confident and less quick to assume someone is being judgemental when they were almost certainly paying you a compliment.

Scheherezade · 04/07/2012 16:05

You saying single parents are amazing and deserve medals is vvv ironic, as that is exactly what the woman was saying to you!!

Honestly.

Alurkatsoftplay · 04/07/2012 16:14

Someone said to me today, "They keep you young, don't they?" (about my two kids running ahead)

I scowled at her because she was suggesting either I am very old and pretending to be young, or that I am too young and feckless to be a mother.

Not really.

Oh Mrs Bucket, take your compliments where you can! (meant sensitively)

Alurkatsoftplay · 04/07/2012 16:15

This was in E, by the way.