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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I handled this well and didn't need to turn violent??

55 replies

ChocolateWilly · 01/07/2012 21:16

DP and I were going out for a meal. Before we went we both agreed that we wouldn't spend all night on our phones = as I didn't want to be ignored all night again.

So we get in the restraunt, order starters and DP gets out his phone and starts texting someone. I let it go - as food hadn't arrived and I was trying to be reasonable. Then, starters arrived, DP gets out his phone and starts texting again leaving me to serve the starters. I asked "who are you texting??" and he snapped "I'm texting a colleague now don't fucking start or you'll be eating the fucking phone!".

Shocked, I stood up, got my coat and walked out. Got a taxi home and left him there looking like a twat.

I was talking to my friend about it who said I should have made him "wear the drink" before leaving - another friend said she would have tipped the plate of starters over his head.

AIBU to think that actually, I handled it ok???

OP posts:
olimpia · 01/07/2012 21:18

LOL at "I handled it Ok" Grin

MammaTJ · 01/07/2012 21:18

You handled it perfectly and with dignity.

olimpia · 01/07/2012 21:20

It's all a bit surreal your post. Why would you go out and spend all night on your phones? How sad? Sad

pjmama · 01/07/2012 21:20

Perfect response at the time. What are you going to do next? Shitty behaviour from him and he owes you an apology.

poorbuthappy · 01/07/2012 21:20

Yep. Well done.
At least you can say that you didn't lose your temper and post on the other thread.

Although I'm sure I would have accidentally dropped his phone and trodden on it. But hey I'm a clumsy gal. Grin

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2012 21:21

Is he violent or does he just think he's hard?

edam · 01/07/2012 21:21

walking out was dignified but how the hell are you going to sort out your relationship? Sounds as if there's a distinct lack of respect.

doggiemumma · 01/07/2012 21:22

Am so glad you didn't sink to his level. I just hope that this is the last time - seriously, i say this in all sincerity - leave the bastard.

Original poster
ChocolateWilly · 01/07/2012 21:23

He's constantly on his phone, it has been the source of many arguments and this time was supposed to be a combined effort to ignore the phones and not each other. He made no effort at all. And I'm sick of being ignored.

OP posts:
Gibbous · 01/07/2012 21:23

I applaud you OP, textbook handling of the situation. What a twunt (him that is!)

But sorry Pjmama I think a violent threat like this is way beyond an apology.

I assume his sorry arse is dumped now OP?

fryingpantoface · 01/07/2012 21:23

Well done, but what happens now?

ditavonteesed · 01/07/2012 21:24

absolutly perfect, you should be very proud of yourself, would have had far more impact than anything ekse you could have done.

doggiemumma · 01/07/2012 21:26

Look, you go out together and spend time texting other people on your phones (you say this was a joint effort not to do this). Then when he can't stick to his promise he gets really nasty and you leave in a taxi. This isn't looking good is it? Id leave him with his phone and find someone who you find more interesting than yours.

ThisIsAUsername · 01/07/2012 21:26

Why does he need to be texting a 'colleague' on a Sunday whilst you're on a date?

You handled it perfectly. He sounds vile.

Wheezo · 01/07/2012 21:28

What a twat! He threatened to stuff the phone down your throat to shut you up? Does he often make threats using violent language or swearing at you? I know it doesn't mean someone is actually going to be violent but I wouldn't stand for it, as you didn't. I think you did the right thing OP. I wouldn't bother socialising with him again but I would certainly be going out a lot with my friends to make up for having an anti-social twat of a husband who makes violent threats if I dare to try and have a conversation with him.

And to me it sounds like you promised not to use your phone as a way of saying "we" so that you weren't being accusatory but actually it's just him on his phone ignoring you.

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2012 21:28

Is he/has he ever been violent to you or does he just make empty threats?

WhiteWidow · 01/07/2012 21:30

I wouldn't ever ever see the fucker again, and that phone would hav been were the sun doesn't shine.

How dare he speak to you like that. And I think it's more than a colleague in all fairness.

HecateHarshPants · 01/07/2012 21:31

Does he routinely talk to you like that?

How can you bear it? It's so sad. Someone who's supposed to love you shouldn't be threatening you.

bobbledunk · 01/07/2012 21:32

You did great, no need to lose your dignity for that idiot. Leave him as soon as you can. You can't spend the rest of your life looking at him fiddling with his phone while ignoring you.

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 01/07/2012 21:34

I don't think your question should be either to us or whether or not you did the right thing...

It should rather be a question to yourself, why are you with this man?

He is rude, inconsiderate, self centred and far more interested in conversing with his friends than you Sad

And as to his aggressive threat that you would be eating his phone Shock Do I have this right, he was insinuating that he was going to ram the phone in your mouth if you didn't shut the fuck up? I mean, he may not have literally meant it, but it is still a very unpleasant thing for someone to say to anyone, let alone a man who is meant to be in love with his female partner.

Seriously, leave the bastard. He does not sound like a keeper in any shape or form.

Snowboarder · 01/07/2012 21:34

What a twunt. He actually threatened you with violence for asking him who he was texting. I don't think I've ever said this yet despite being on MN for about 5 years but...

Leave the bastard. Seriously.

worrywortisworrying · 01/07/2012 21:37

I have no idea whether YABU as I don't know the back story, but I have the UTMOST respect for you for walking out when you were told to eat the phone.

Utter respect.

PoppadumPreach · 01/07/2012 21:37

Your actions were absolutely spot on.

However, as others have said, what happens now??

TheWalkingDead · 01/07/2012 21:39

YANBU - you handled it with dignity.

I have had the same problem recently - DH and I were going through a rough patch so went out for the evening, and just as we're having a nice time, laughing and joking whilst enjoying our meal, he receives a text from a friend of ours. He instantly stopped talking to me and got his phone out and started texting back.

I made this face: [hmmm] and when I enquired about who he was texting (just in case it was something regarding the DCs that needed an urgent answer) he looked up and sheepishly put his phone away - which is the appropriate response when you have been stupendously rude, not an abusive/threatening response that you received OP.

If I had gotten the response you got, I would be seriously considering whether this was a relationship I wanted to be in.

Original poster
ChocolateWilly · 01/07/2012 21:39

I don't know, he's ignoring me after trashing the house. I'm looking for somewhere else to live next week. Can't stand his face anymore.

OP posts:
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